Monthly Archives: September 2011

What’s a good Beta Read?

Posted on September 30, 2011 | 14 comments

I just finished doing a 52 page beta read.  Yesterday, I talked to my BP, and told him I was about 25 pages into it, and had 40 or so comments.  He sounded a little upset by that.

I finished it today, with 82 comments, and a one page synopsis of my thoughts.  Afterwards, I was thinking about him sounding upset.  And it got me thinking…   Do I overdo it?

I know when I get a beta-read back of my own work, there is nothing more disappointing than only a few comments.  Especially if they are general and of no value.  I pour my heart into my beta reads, and really think over everything, and I comment on the good, as well as making suggestions if I don’t think something reads smoothly.  The better a novel is, the more comments I make… It just seems worth the effort.

(And let me tell you, this particular novel is worth the effort.  It has BEST SELLER stamped all over it.)

I’m wondering, though… is this too much?

If it were me, and I was about to submit to a publisher, I would want to know EVERY little hiccup in my story.  Fix my spacing, correct my punctuation, tell me my voice is off…  as well as the “Oh!  This is really  good” remarks.

I’m wondering though, is that what everyone wants?

What do you want in a beta read?

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Posted in Senseless Ranting

Lesson Six from the Gold Mine Manuscript Red Line: Watch that Voice!

Posted on September 26, 2011 | 6 comments

For an intro into where these tips are coming from, please see my post: A Full Manuscript Rejection, or a Gold Mine?

When you are writing, especially if you are writing YA or middle grade, watch the voice. In the Gold Mine Manuscript, I know I mentioned the voice when I was beta reading, but my BP said her teenager read it and said it was okay, so I figured maybe I was just behind the times.

In this novel, the Main Character is supposed to be 15, but my brain just made him 17 (no matter what the novel was telling me).  Do you know why?  I believe it was the voice.  I mentioned it, but my BP seemed comfortable with it, so we moved on.

I was also having the same struggle in my own novel, and was on an up and down roller coaster with my own young character’s voice, so I know how hard a young boy’s voice can be, so I knew I was no expert.

You know what the publisher marked up over and over again in the gold mine manuscript?  THE VOICE.

They mentioned that teenagers answer in quips and half-completed sentences.  I have to admit, my middle graders do the same thing. No perfect grammar for them.  Simplicity is the key.  “Yeah” instead of “yes” is more realistic than a full sentence.

I’m wondering about my own novel on this one.  My kid is from another planet, and grows up under the tutelage of a King.  I don’t want him saying “yeah”, but I don’t want a publisher calling me on it, either.  Maybe a few of the other characters can slip on their grammar a little.  Hmmmm…

My suggestion:  If you are writing for teens, get several teens to read it and ask them to be honest.  Same goes for Middle Grade.  This publisher actually had a teenager read the manuscript to make sure of the voice, and the teen said it didn’t sound real and they didn’t get the words she was using.  Yikes.

Moral of the blog:

If anyone reads your manuscript and tells you that there are possible problems with the voice, I’d take them seriously… ask a few more people to read it.  Drop it on a web site (I like Nathan Bransford’s site).  Get as many opinions as you can.
In the end, you still might not end up okay.  (To be honest, my five-year old drops bonus S.A.T. words all the time, so if I wrote his voice for-real, this publisher would red-line it—so who knows?)

There are a lot of things I’ve not changed about my manuscript that people have mentioned, but voice is one that I have always paid attention to.  If one person mentions something, I may tweak just a little, but if a few people mention it, I tweak a lot.  There is still a possibility that my MC may age a few years in the opening scene, just because of voice issues.

Don’t fall in love with your characters so much that you cannot recognize that their voice is all-wrong.

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Win a Copy of Smoke and Bone

Posted on September 25, 2011 | 1 comment

Liza Kane is giving away a copy of “Daughter of Smoke and Bone” by Laini Taylor

Now honestly, I do not go out and regularly look for “the latest and the greatest novel released this week” (yeah, I know I should) and I’ve heard about this book.

Just jumping around blogs, I see this one has people buzzing, and it’s not out yet.   Funny, someone just sent me the first 45 pages of this very novel yesterday, and we were discussing the first page, but this wasn’t the first time I heard about it.

From the reviews, I think this is one in particular that I should give a read to… Either it’s Really Really good, or they are marketing geniuses.  (Maybe a little bit of both.  We should all take note of what’s going on here…  Word of mouth can take a novel VERY VERY far.)

Anyway, here’s a link to Liza’s blog where you can enter to win a copy.

http://lizakane.wordpress.com/2011/09/23/share-the-love-this-time-with-a-giveaway/#comment-1283

I’ll get back to that manuscript tomorrow!

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Posted in Writing Contests

250 Word Entry Submitted!

Posted on September 24, 2011 | 3 comments

Thanks to everyone who read and commented on my first 250 words. I just submitted, with 15 minutes to spare (my time — I could have taken two more hours with the time-zone thing)

The great thing about these contests is not the prizes, or winning or losing. It’s getting out there and reading other people’s work. It’s seeing what ELSE is in the pipeline.

Also, if you are lucky, you get people to read and critique your work who’ve never seen it before. That’s worth more than any prize they could give me.

A few people said they were confused, and didn’t get the flame reflection. Jenny didn’t even blink, because she’s read my novel like five times now. She just wanted me to expand.

This told me I needed to get a little more into that flame scene, because readers who don’t know what the flame represents need a little more of a push to “get” that there is something supernatural going on here. The trick is, to do that, and still get Magellan out the door within 250 words. In the original draft, I had him actually out the door, down the hall and stepping into the auditorium at 250. Now he is just stepping out the door.

The scene is richer though, and I think I’ve filled in the blanks that I needed to fill in. For me, that was the goal of the contest. It pushed me to really work on that ever so important first page, and I also got some brand new critiques.

I’ve already won.

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First 250 Word Contest Entry

Posted on September 20, 2011 | 10 comments

Here is my tentative entry for the Brenda Drake YA Writing Contest.  For details, click here. (It’s not to late to join in!)

This is the current draft of the first 250 words of my Sci-Fi / Fantasy novel HIDDEN IN PLAIN SIGHT.

Any constructive criticism would be appreciated before I submit my entry on September 23rd.

Thanks for looking!

———————————————————————————————

“I’m not gonna sit here locked in a closet all day.”  Magellan pulled out of his mother’s arms as his siblings whimpered and fidgeted behind her.

“Magellan, come back here.”  He could barely see her reaching for him in the darkness.

“No.  I can’t see.”  He leaned up to the small window.  The constant lightning flashes kept the auditorium at the end of the hall illuminated.  A sea of faces blanketed the stands.  People shouted and pointed downward from their seats.   He knew his father was on the bottom platform, just out of view.  “I wish I could see or hear something.”

“Get back mine scum!”  A guard slammed something against the opening.

“Ouch,” Magellan grabbed his forehead.  “Jerk.”

As he waited for the guard to leave, a reflection of flames danced across the metal locking plate, and it slid loose.  Did that actually happen?  It must have broken when he hit the window frame.  He touched it, and it fell to the floor.

His mother gasped.  “Magellan Talbot.  Don’t you dare…” But he was already through the door.

The guards were down the hallway, distracted by a small fire on the side of the wall.  This must be my lucky day.  He headed off in the opposite direction, into the auditorium.

The crowd yelled and threw fists in the air.  His father stood in the center of the platform, facing down a much taller man in a navy-blue uniform.  Lightning flashed through the windows on all sides of the chamber as Magellan took a deep breath, and stepped out.

———————————————————————————————

There you have it!  Please let me know what you think!

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Posted in Writing Contests

Lesson Five from the Gold Mine Manuscript Red Line: Let’s keep it in the past

Posted on September 20, 2011 | 8 comments

For an intro into where these tips are coming from, please see my post: A Full Manuscript Rejection, or a Gold Mine?

I suppose this doesn’t work for those of you who are trying to write your novel in the present tense.  If you are, personally I have to ask you to stop.  Yes, okay, it is a style thing, but I just can’t get into it.  I’ve read a few passages in present tense, and I always end up feeling tense (as in irate).  To me, past tense is the way to go.  (Of course, maybe I just haven’t read a good one)  Anyway, for those of us writing in the conventional fashion…

This publisher noted that present tense words are okay in dialog only.  In narration, they should be cut.

Now, in the gold mine manuscript, the present tense word was “almost” used as narration.  It was “sort of” an inner thought.  The POV character looked at a big mess, and was thinking about cleaning it up, and the narration said “he’d have to tackle it today.”  Now, I think the problem is that it was set off as narration, not as a complete inner thought.  If it was in italics, like the POV character was actually saying it in his head, it may have been okay (again, this is my opinion here).   But since this writer’s style is to have most of the character’s inner thoughts as narration instead of italic thought, this publisher found the use of “present tense” words to be a problem.

So, in a nutshell… if the narration says:  He’d have to take care of things today.  This is no good.

However, if the same character says out loud, or as an inner thought: “I’ll have to take care of this today.”  That is fine.

That’s a pretty simple one, but it might be one many overlook if they have their inner thoughts as narration.  This can be overcome simply be making your inner though more concrete, and putting them in italics so it is very clear that this is an inner-thought, and not the narration.

Amendment:  Guess what?   I just found one of these in my own manuscript!  In the MC’s POV, the narration says:  – It isn’t cold, like it is here.— Now, this isn’t past tense, but the “here” sounds weird because it is in the narration.  I need to change this into an italic thought, or change the wording to be slightly more detached.  One or the other.  It is basically the same principle.

Happy editing!

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YA First 250 Words Writing Contest

Posted on September 19, 2011 | 2 comments

Here’s a simple YA writing contest for anyone who wants to get their feet wet in the contest world.  If you haven’t done a contest yet, I highly recommend these blog-based contests.  These are easy to join.  The prizes are not huge, but the experience is great.  It gives you a push, and I actually got some good feedback from one recently run on Brenda Drake’s blog a few months ago.  Here are the rules.  (This is on Brenda Drake’s Blog, not mine)

Here’s the link to her site.  Brenda Drake

On September 21st and 22nd post the first 250 words of your young adult or middle grade manuscript on your blog (you may skip this part, if you wish), and then hop around to each others’ blogs and give critiques. By midnight on September 23rd post your entry in the comments of the official contest post, which I will have up on September 21st so you can post anytime from then until midnight on September 23rd. It’s going to be midnight my time (Mountain Standard Time). I’ll have how you should enter your entry on the official post.

I’ll be re-vamping my first 250 words (again) and posting them on September 21st.  Please stop by and give me a critique before I drop it in front of the judges!

Also, if you are entering, please let me know by replying to this post, and I will be sure to look for your entries as well.

Good luck!

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Lesson Four from the Gold Mine Manuscript Red Line: And Then there was a Conjunction, or Was There?

Posted on September 16, 2011 | 8 comments

For an intro into where these tips are coming from, please see my post: A Full Manuscript Rejection, or a Gold Mine?

Originally, I was going to skip over this, because I thought it seemed a little obvious.  But then I thought, maybe not.

This publisher simply hated the idea of “and then”.  They said: “And then is not a proper conjunction.  And is a proper conjunction… use for, and, nor, but, or, yet, so which are considered “proper” conjunctions.”

I did a search in my own manuscript, and found 73 instances of “and then”.  Honestly, I was a little surprised to find so many in my story.  The more I thought about it, every instance is like a laundry list “tell sequence”.

Matt did this, and then he did that, and then he did that. (It was not quite so blatant, but you get the idea) If you think about it, it’s kind of funny.  I know when I was beta reading the manuscript for my BP, the “and then’s” did pop out here and there, but I just figured it was writing style.  I didn’t particularly like it, but I let it go.  I didn’t even realize I was doing it myself.  Now that I’m re-reading with these comments in mind, they are popping out and blaring:  No No No!

So, my advice is, do what I did:  Do a search/replace on your manuscript just for starters.  Search for “and then” and replace with “and then” (just make sure you spell it correctly)  It won’t change anything, it will just give you a count of how many times you did it.  If it’s a lot, search again and start editing!

This is an easy fix.   I’m not saying this will bother every publisher, but if it’s a pet peeve of one publisher, it will probably bother another one, or two, or three.  Personally, I’m not willing to take a chance and let them go now that I realize what I’ve done.

Happy editing!

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Lesson Three from the Gold Mine Manuscript Red Line: Action Action, where is the Action?

Posted on September 13, 2011 | 10 comments

For an intro into where these tips are coming from, please see my post: A Full Manuscript Rejection, or a Gold Mine ?

I’ve heard contradicting opinions on this.  Some people say exposition is important.  Some people say don’t start right out with action because you don’t have a character basis of who to “root for” yet.  Personally, when I’m reading something, I want to be slapped in the face immediately with excitement and fill me in on the boring stuff later.  So, when my BP (Beta Partner) had a story that started with tons of talking and setting, I said, “okay, according to what I’ve read, this is okay,” but, being the good beta partner that I am, I let her “have it” and told her I was bored.  But, all the exposition stayed (with some trimming to six pages).   (I’m not saying she trimmed for me…  I believe she has five beta partners, so I’m sure there were a wealth of comments to revise from.)

 Unfortunately though, the publisher found it to be an unnecessary character study and suggested cutting the first five pages completely.  What was after these five pages, was a brief conversation of a dream that actually had relevance to the story (almost a page long) and then the action started.

The publisher’s commented that the first five pages were not engaging.  What I got out of that, was that they didn’t want to see a few kids hanging out and talking.  They wanted something to HAPPEN.  The story actually does, I must admit, start right where they suggested… The dream is a foreshadowing, and then the action that is the catalyst that changes the MC’s life forever happens right afterwards.

***Always start the story as close to the life changing event as possible***

So, what gets lost in the first five pages?  Well, the set up of the friendship between the two MC’s, which can be played out pretty quickly in the next pages, and (ouch) a lot of setting.  To me, that’s no biggie, but my BP is a big setting person.  She likes her imagery.  Now she needs to work in her sweeping mansion and grounds into the action scenes or between them.  It will be a little work.

Moral of the story:  Setting is important, but not too much up front.  Make sure something happens in the first page or so to drag your reader in.

Also see my post on how I changed (and am still changing) my first page after a contest judge didn’t find my first page exciting enough— and there was hardly any setting there at all!

Go back and make your first few pages ROCK!  If you don’t excite the reader right away, they might put your novel down and buy something else.  **GACK**

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Posted in Gold Mine Manuscript

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The Tooth Fairy

Posted on September 12, 2011 | 2 comments

I’d like to take a short breather from the writing world just to talk about something simple.

My eight year old lost his first tooth last night.  Big excitement in the Eaton household as the kids got ready for the arrival of the Tooth Fairy.  My husband went to bed early, and Mommy tucked the kids in, and stayed up late working on her computer, as usual.  No rest for the weary writer, or the mother of excited children.

I was thinking after I finally got to bed last night how good my husband has it, although I don’t think he looks at it that way.  He’s a work from home Dad, which is really really hard.  The great thing is though, that he gets to see the kids in the morning before they go to school.  I miss that.  Especially on mornings like this.

I wouldn’t get to talk to my son when he woke up, or see his excited face when he counted out his coins.   I would miss it, like I missed his first steps.

I did get a little bonus, though.  I stepped out of my room this morning ready to go to work, to find my son cuddled up asleep on the floor in the hallway outside his room.  His right hand was resting on a pile of coins.

I still don’t know why he woke in the middle of the night, or why he was in the hallway.  It bought a smile to my face though.

It’s the little things.   He wasn’t awake, but I got to see him, and I know he was excited.  Mommy really needed that.

Amendment:  Omigosh!  He lost another one at school today!  He looks so goofy!

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Posted in Motherhood, Senseless Ranting

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