Monthly Archives: May 2013

How do I always end up in messes like this?

Okay, I know half of you want to just spit on me, and I have no right to be tense, stressed, or frustrated.  My problems are good problems to have … but how the heck did this just happen to me a SECOND time?

If you’ve been hanging out here for a while, you’ll remember that “Make Believe” and “For the Love of Christmas” released a day apart last year, and I had to do all of the editing simultaneously with two different publishers.

Well, this time around, I hoped I’d get a break.  But it was not meant to be.

The first round edits for “The First Day of the New Tomorrow” came in first (which surprised me) So, as I am readying to sit down with them… in come the edits for “Paper Wishes”.

Yes, this is the chance we take when we sign with two different publishers about a month apart.

“Okay,” I thought.  “No problem.”  Paper Wishes was already published, right?  All I needed to do initially is take out the words Astraea considered curses, which I did, so I should be good to go, right?

Ummm… no.

Yikes!

I have a little work to do to bring it more in line with what they want for a Christian novel.  Some things I expected (like taming down the make-out scene) but a few of the other things surprised me.  I’m going to need to think these changes over to keep the realistic tone of the story, but keep it within their strict, but understandable parameters.

In other words, YES, I have some work cut out for me.

The First Day of the New Tomorrow edits were topped with a nice note from the editor “Thank you for such a clean manuscript.”

Yay1!

But, as always, there are a few things in there that made me cringe.

One was a reference to “Ken Doll” which the editor changed to something else that made me think of blow up dolls.  Nope, can’t do that.  I quickly hopped over to Mattel’s web site and asked for formal permission to use “Ken Doll” (Which was a decent amount of paper work, but not impossible if you ever find that need.) Now I just have to wait for their approval.

So, yeah, busy week ahead of me here.  I’m a little stressed, but it’s a happy kind of stress.

It’s all good.

JenniFer_EatonF

Rule #4 of 32 Simple Rules to the Writing the Best Novel Ever

Writing_A_Great_Novel

I’m dissecting the article Hunting Down the Pleonasm, by Allen Guthrie, using it as a cattle prod to search for little nasties in my manuscript.  Yep, you can join in the fun, too.  Let’s take a looksee at topic #4

4: Cut adjectives where possible. See rule 3 (for ‘verb’ read ‘noun’).

Ha!  Since I posed it last week, let me do a little cut and paste for you.

3: Use strong nouns in preference to adjectives. I won’t say avoid adjectives, period, because about once every fifty pages they’re okay! What’s not okay is to use an adjectives as an excuse for failing to find the correct noun.

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Hmmm.  No adjectives?  As in NONE?  I’m not sure I agree with this, although I have caught myself using TOO MANY from time to time.  I mean, you need to describe stuff, right?

Strong nouns?  I think maybe he should have re-thought that.  I can understand not saying: “The angry dog barked”

What should be said is “The dog lowered his head, baring teeth.  His bark echoed through the room”

The second angry dog is much more menacing, and I didn’t use any adjectives.  I think he may just be talking about the whole show verses tell issue, because you’re gonna have to describe a few things sooner or later, right?

Open discussion time!  What have you found with your writing and adjectives?  What do you think Allen Gutrie’s point is? Where do you think adjectives are necessary?

JenniFer_EatonF

Write a Story with Me – Part 45 – Final Judgement by Julie Catherine Vigna

Write a Story with Me is a group endeavor just for the fun of it.  A different writer adds a new 250 words each week.  It is the ultimate Flash Fiction Challenge!

If you’d like to sign up, come on over.  There’s always room for more!

Here’s this week’s excerpt.  We hope you enjoy!

45- Julie Catherine Vigna

They were brought to the Court of Adjudication; highest legal court of the fae. Here Yoran would be required to defend human-kind on the charges of oppression and crimes perpetrated against the peoples of Argot. The second charge was against Yoran himself, high-ranking member of the Establishment, for the assassination of Morath, Queen of Queens of the Fae. At the end of what proposed to be a lengthy court session, Final Judgement would be pronounced, and the Ceremony would commence.

The outcome of the Trial would either bring human and fae together in everlasting peace, or would forever set them apart and commence the war that would surely bring total devastation and extinction to both their worlds.

Sian, Marci and Bethany, cleaned up so as not to disgrace the dignity of the court, and leg shackles exchanged for light but strong chains linking them together, were escorted to a private bench to the right of the Adjudicator’s Throne by Janosc.

Court attendants wheeled in the Defender Chair— Yoran’s wrists and ankles strapped securely to its frame and base. Marci cried out and made to rise from the bench, but was stopped by Janosc.

A gong boomed, the sonorous vibration resonating throughout the building, and the courtroom stilled. Everyone rose and bowed their heads as the Court Adjudicator swept in and settled on the throne.

Yoran’s eyes widened in disbelief and he rasped, “YOU?!!”

Morath, Queen of Queens of the Fae and Court Adjudicator, gazed directly at Yoran, her smile frosty and eyes piercing his brain with blue ice.

Want to read more?  See below for past excerpts.

If you’d like to sign up, come on over.  There’s always room for more!

Parts One – Forty Click Here

Part Forty-One – Vanessa Chapman

Part Forty-Two – Susan Rocan

Part Forty-Three – Kate Johnson

Part Forty-Four – An Elephant Can’t

Part Forty-Five – Julie Catherine Vigna

Don’t forget to stop by next week to see what happens next.

  Kai Damian — TAG!  You are “It”

For Memorial Day, Remember. Read this post and remember to thank someone for all they’ve done for us.

This is a story that touched my heart. One everyone should read.  I can’t tell you how much this touched me.  It sounds like another silly dog story, until you hit that hook in the end.  If this does not make you cry, and want to support those fighting to keep our freedom, then I don’t know what will.

I don’t know if this is real or fiction, but either way it packs a punch

Reblogged from Jenny Keller Ford’s post from Sept 7, 2012

***

This is a great story…worth reading.

They told me the big black Lab’s name was Reggie, as I looked at him lying in his pen. The shelter was clean, no-kill, and the people really friendly. I’d only been in the area for six months, but everywhere I went in the small college town, people were welcoming and open. Everyone waves when you pass them on the street.

But something was still missing as I attempted to settle in to my new life here, and I thought a dog couldn’t hurt. Give me someone to talk to. And I had just seen Reggie’s advertisement on the local news. The shelter said they had received numerous calls right after, but they said the people who had come down to see him just didn’t look like “Lab people,” whatever that meant. They must’ve thought I did.

But at first, I thought the shelter had misjudged me in giving me Reggie and his things, which consisted of a dog pad, bag of toys almost all of which were brand new tennis balls, his dishes and a sealed letter from his previous owner.

See, Reggie and I didn’t really hit it off when we got home. We struggled for two weeks (which is how long the shelter told me to give him to adjust to his new home). Maybe it was the fact that I was trying to adjust, too.  Maybe we were too much alike.

I saw the sealed envelope. I had completely forgotten about that. “Okay, Reggie,” I said out loud, “let’s see if your previous owner has any advice.” ____________ _________ _________ _________

To Whomever Gets My Dog:

Well, I can’t say that I’m happy you’re reading this, a letter I told the shelter could only be opened by Reggie’s new owner. I’m not even happy writing it. He knew something was different.

So let me tell you about my Lab in the hopes that it will help you bond with him and he with you.

First, he loves tennis balls. The more the merrier. Sometimes I think he’s part squirrel, the way he hoards them. He usually always has two in his mouth, and he tries to get a third in there. Hasn’t done it yet. Doesn’t matter where you throw them, he’ll bound after them, so be careful. Don’t do it by any roads.

Next, commands. Reggie knows the obvious ones —”sit,” “stay,” “come,” “heel.”

He knows hand signals, too: He knows “ball” and “food” and “bone” and “treat” like nobody’s business.

Feeding schedule: twice a day, regular store-bought stuff; the shelter has the brand.

He’s up on his shots. Be forewarned: Reggie hates the vet. Good luck getting him in the car. I don’t know how he knows when it’s time to go to the vet, but he knows.

Finally, give him some time. It’s only been Reggie and me for his whole life. He’s gone everywhere with me, so please include him on your daily car rides if you can. He sits well in the backseat, and he doesn’t bark or complain. He just loves to be around people, and me most especially.

And that’s why I need to share one more bit of info with you…His name’s not Reggie. He’s a smart dog, he’ll get used to it and will respond to it, of that I have no doubt. But I just couldn’t bear to give them his real name. But if someone is reading this … well it means that his new owner should know his real name. His real name is “Tank.” Because, that is what I drive.

I told the shelter that they couldn’t make “Reggie” available for adoption until they received word from my company commander. You see, my parents are gone, I have no siblings, no one I could’ve left Tank with .. and it was my only real request of the Army upon my deployment to Iraq, that they make one phone call to the shelter … in the “event” … to tell them that Tank could be put up for adoption. Luckily, my CO is a dog-guy, too, and he knew where my platoon was headed. He said he’d do it personally. And if you’re reading this, then he made good on his word.

Tank has been my family for the last six years, almost as long as the Army has been my family. And now I hope and pray that you make him part of your family, too, and that he will adjust and come to love you the same way he loved me.

If I have to give up Tank to keep those terrible people from coming to the US I am glad to have done so. He is my example of service and of love. I hope I honored him by my service to my country and comrades.

All right, that’s enough. I deploy this evening and have to drop this letter off at the shelter. Maybe I’ll peek in on him and see if he finally got that third tennis ball in his mouth.

Good luck with Tank. Give him a good home, and give him an extra kiss goodnight – every night – from me.

Thank you,

Paul Mallory

____________ _________ _________ _______

I folded the letter and slipped it back in the envelope. Sure, I had heard of Paul Mallory, everyone in town knew him, even new people like me. Local kid, killed in Iraq a few months ago and posthumously earning the Silver Star when he gave his life to save three buddies. Flags had been at half-mast all summer.

I leaned forward in my chair and rested my elbows on my knees, staring at the dog.

“Hey, Tank,” I said quietly.

The dog’s head whipped up, his ears cocked and his eyes bright.

“C’mere boy.”

He was instantly on his feet, his nails clicking on the hardwood floor. He sat in front of me, his head tilted, searching for the name he hadn’t heard in months. “Tank,” I whispered.

His tail swished.

I kept whispering his name, over and over, and each time, his ears lowered, his eyes softened, and his posture relaxed as a wave of contentment just seemed to flood him. I stroked his ears, rubbed his shoulders, buried my face into his scruff and hugged him.

“It’s me now, Tank, just you and me. Your old pal gave you to me.” Tank reached up and licked my cheek.

“So whatdaya say we play some ball?” His ears perked again.

“Yeah? Ball? You like that? Ball?”

Tank tore from my hands and disappeared into the next room. And when he came back, he had three tennis balls in his mouth.

***

http://jennykellerford.wordpress.com/2012/09/07/wet-nose/

Another big announcement! Can I hear a WAHOO!?

I am thrilled to announce that I have signed with Muse It Up Publishing for “The First Day of the New Tomorrow”.

This will be my first (published) Young Adult piece, which tickles me to death because I just LOVE writing younger characters.  It’s so much easier to develop a story around characters who don’t have to worry about annoying “adult” things.  Ya know what I mean?

The First Day of the New Tomorrow is an “unexpected super-hero” story with an intense (and -of course- explosive) finale.

Here’s the blurb:

First Day of New

Maya dreams of perfect skin, beautiful hair, good grades, and Eric Brighton—the boy she’s been crushing on since middle school.

No matter how hard she tries, all these things elude her. New Topmorrow 3But when a creepy college recruiter arrives with news that Maya has omnipotent powers, things change quickly.

Having everything she wants is a lot harder than Maya expects, though.

Will she give it all up for the chance to be normal again, even if it means losing Eric?

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Release date and cover reveals to follow.

Yay1!

JenniFer_EatonF

Rule #3 of 32 Simple Rules to the Writing the Best Novel Ever

Writing_A_Great_Novel

I’m dissecting the article Hunting Down the Pleonasm, by Allen Guthrie, using it as a cattle prod to search for little nasties in my manuscript.  Yep, you can join in the fun, too.  Let’s take a looksee at topic #3

3: Use strong verbs in preference to adverbs. I won’t say avoid adverbs, period, because about once every fifty pages they’re okay! What’s not okay is to use an adverb as an excuse for failing to find the correct verb. To ‘walk slowly’ is much less effective than to ‘plod’ or ‘trudge’. To ‘connect strongly’ is much less effective than to ‘forge a connection’.

This one is a bit easier to swallow.  Everyone knows about adverbs, right?  But using them is sometimes a hard habit to break.  If you find your work laden with adverbs, here is my suggestion:

1.      Make a copy of your work and save the original “just in case”

2.      Go through a chapter and delete all the adverbs.  Resist the desire to look at the sentence at this point.  Just delete.  Using the search feature and looking for “ly” will help with this. Look for “very” while you are at it, and just delete.

3.      Done?  Good! Now go back and read your chapter.  Most likely, if you’ve written a strong scene, you will not even notice they are gone.

Here’s a one sentance example from “Optimal Red”:

His heart beat rapidly in his chest as the doors opened.

His heart pulsed as the doors opened.

Go ahead!  Give it a try?  How did it go?  Were you able to strengthen your manuscript just by deleting?  Did you need to add a little more emphasis to replace the missing word?  Where did you decide to leave an adverb for flavor?

JenniFer_EatonF

Write a Story with Me #44 by AnElephantCant “Being Prepared”

Write a Story with Me is a group endeavor just for the fun of it.  A different writer adds a new 250 words each week.  It is the ultimate Flash Fiction Challenge!

If you’d like to sign up, come on over.  There’s always room for more!

Here’s this week’s excerpt.  We hope you enjoy!

44 – AnElephantCant

Sian awoke with not only a blinding headache, but with her whole body feeling as though it had been trampled by a herd of stampeding wildebeest.

She raised her head slowly and found that she was in what appeared to be a windowless dungeon.

The only light came from a small aperture in the damp rock high overhead.

She stumbled to her feet, only to find she was chained by her ankle to a metal ring set in the floor.

“Hello!” she called loudly, “Is anyone there?”

Groans came from the darkness.

“Who is there?” she cried, “Speak to me!”

She stared in amazement as first Bethany and then Marci staggered out of the gloom, both trailing chains from their ankles.

“What happened … Where are we …  How did we get here?”

The sisters all started asking questions at once, but none of them had any answers.

Nor could they recall exactly where they had been or what they were doing immediately before they wakened here.

“All in good time” came Janosc’s voice from the blackest corner.

He strolled into sight, gleamingly smart, smiling confidently.

“Please, tidy yourselves up, you look awful”, he grinned at the girls, “You will want to look your best, won’t you?”

Again the girls fired questions all at once.

“Where are we … Our best for what ….” and, from Marci, “Where is our father?”

“He is being prepared”, answered Janosc.

“Prepared for what?”

“After what happened? He is being prepared for the ceremony, of course!”

###

Check out more from anelephantcant at http://anelephantcant.me/

Want to read more?  See below for past excerpts.

If you’d like to sign up, come on over.  There’s always room for more!

Parts One – Forty Click Here

Part Forty-One – Vanessa Chapman

Part Forty-Two – Susan Rocan

Part Forty-Three – Kate Johnson

Part Forty-Four – An Elephant Can’t

Don’t forget to stop by next week to see what happens next.

  Julie Catherine Vigna — TAG!  You are “It”

Critique Blog Hop – Page Three of my new novel “Optimal Red”

Sunday_SnippetsI’ve been quite remiss about Sunday Snippets recently.  I’m sorry. 😦

I’ve been in an editing frenzy finishing my novel Fire in the Woods (This week I will start working on the query. Yay!)

I’ve also been doing edits for my publisher for Paper Wishes.

I haven’t gone back to think about Henry at all, and it will probably be a little while before I get there.  But in the mean time, here is the next page from Optimal Red.

As a refresher, Henry just left his house to go meet his soon to be wife.  His Mom prods him to make sure the new Misses gets pregnant tonight.  As Henry walks, he remembers his recently deceased father.  Here’s the next page!

Enjoy!__-)

As Henry approached the lifts, a woman with sandy blonde hair stood from her desk and greeted him with a brilliant smile.  “Good morning, Sir.” She held out a smoky glass pad.  “Identification, please.”

Henry reluctantly placed his hand on the panel.  Before today, he’d been considered a minor, and one of his parents would have given their identification.  He’d never placed his own palm on one of the devices.  A tone sounded, and he drew his fingers back.

“Happy birthday, Sir,” The woman said. “One moment please, and I will fetch a lift to Sigma Central.” Her fingers tapped gracefully across her console.

“Do you know what I should do when I get there?”

“There will be another guide to meet you when you step out.  No worries, Sir.”

The large silver doors behind her split apart, revealing a small square room encased in silver and glass, not much larger than a lavatory. His footsteps created an echo as he strode inside.

Trepidation fluttered within Henry’s chest as the doors closed behind him.  What would happen? Would the walls move? Should he touch one of the buttons?

The floor seemed to fall out from beneath him.  He cried out as he grabbed the wall with one hand, the other reaching for his stomach as is muscles bottomed out. He whirled in the car, and jumped away from the glass window as he passed down through an open area of tall trees and plants.  The room expanded beyond his field of vision, and then disappeared as he fell into another cement expanse.

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The Sunday Snippets Critique Blog Hop is on!

Want to join up? Click here for the rules, and leave a comment to have your name added to the list.  The more the merrier!swish swivel squiggle 2

Click on over to these great writers to check out and critique what they’ve posted!

Note:  Those who have not been participating have been removed to save on critiquer’s “click” time.

http://mermaidssinging.wordpress.com/

http://caitlinsternwrites.wordpress.com/

http://ileandrayoung.com

http://jennykellerford.wordpress.com

https://jennifermeaton.com/

http://richardleonard.wordpress.com

http://jordannaeast.com

http://itsjennythewren.wordpress.com/

http://wehrismypen.wordpress.com

http://jlroeder.wordpress.com

http://letscutthecrap.wordpress.com/

http://ashortaday.wordpress.com

http://mandyevebarnett.com/

http://www.michellezieglerauthor.com

http://joeowensblog.wordpress.com/

A review of Sweet Blood of Mine by @John_Corwin

Jump aboard!  It’s going to be a bumpy ride!  I really enjoyed this story from so many angles it’s not funny.

This is a story about an overweight geeky teen boy who suddenly becomes a soul-sucking incubus. (Don’t blame him.  It’s hereditary.)

The only problem is… no one told him anything about it, and he has no idea what’s going on.

I loved the world-building in this novel, and the voice is AWESOME. The main character seems real, and deals with his “changes” in a realistic way.

The only thing I can fault in Sweet Blood of Mine is the beginning, which is a bit long and drawn out.  I was so interested in the character’s voice though, that I kept reading.  The writing is fluid, and very well done.  And, in the end, I’m glad I kept reading because I ended up just LOVING this story, and cheering the main characters on as these two teenagers set off to on an adventure to save the boy’s father from the nasty supernatural bad-guys.

I’m going to dock one star for the overly-long beginning, but once you get past that, and his abilities flare up, this is an action packed roller-coaster ride of fun.

Oh yeah – here’s a warning.  This book is free right now, and this is a classic case of free done well…  There is an excerpt of the next book in the last few pages. And guess what I did?  Yep – I clicked that Buy it Now button.

This is a perfect example to me of how giving away a free book can work.   This book was so good that I didn’t hesitate to pick up the next one.  Be warned – there’s a whole series of these suckers, but at $2.99 a download, I’m good with that. If you like to romp around in the YA world (just inching toward new adult) I would HIGHLY recommend this.

Rule #2 of 32 Simple Rules to the Writing the Best Novel Ever

Writing_A_Great_Novel

I’m dissecting the article Hunting Down the Pleonasm, by Allen Guthrie, using it as a cattle prod to search for little nasties in my manuscript.  Yep, you can join in the fun, too.  Let’s take a looksee at topic #2

2: Use oblique dialogue. Try to generate conflict at all times in your writing. Attempt the following experiment at home or work: spend the day refusing to answer your family and colleagues’ questions directly. Did you generate conflict? I bet you did. Apply that principle to your writing and your characters will respond likewise.

This is one of those things that I read and said to myself “huh-wha?”  It seemed like a jumble of words that should be important, if I knew what he was trying to say.  Here’s my take on it, after doing a little research and thinking it over.

This is what I came up with.  Let’s take a look at some dialog. I’m going to take out movement and emotion so we can just look at the dialog, and see how it works.

“Helen, I’m home.”

“Hello, George. How was work?”

“Oh just dandy.  Martin was out, so I had to take care of all his problems and got to none of my own work.”

“I’m sorry to hear that dear. What would you like for dinner?”

“Pizza is fine.”

“Okay, I’ll place the order.”

“I went shopping today.”

“Yeah, what’d you buy?”

“Milk and eggs.”

“Good.  I like milk and eggs”

“You know what? We need to talk about Billy.  He turned into a velociraptor today, and he ate three of his classmates.”

“Whaaaaaaat?”

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Okay – don’t judge me.  I’m trying to make a point.  There is a lot of day-to day babble in here that is really unnecessary, right?  The only important thing is that Billy turned into a dinosaur.

Conflict needs to be evident in every scene.  Don’t just have people talking about nothing just to kill time.  Each scene, and each bit of dialog needs to move the story forward.  I mean seriously.  Do we need to know that Mommy picked up milk and eggs?

Look for your dialog to be concise and to the point.  Give it the impression of being longer, without actually boring your reader with the babble.

Make sure each scene has a start, conflict, and resolution.  Each one of these miniature stories needs to draw your characters further along in the story. If it doesn’t move the story forward, no matter how much you love the scene, it’s time to take out the hatchet.

How often do you find your characters babbling with no forward movement in a scene?  What did you do to rein your dialog in?

Jennifer___Eaton