Category Archives: Senseless Ranting

Silly Things We Authors Do When We Get Punchy

I’m interrupting Flash Fiction Tuesday to share a very funny email conversation.

“Shelly” had contacted my through email to ask me a question about beta readers.  Of course, I helped her out.  Afterwards, until the wee hours of the night, we went back and forth in this silly fantasy conversation.

This is a prime example of the creativity of writers gone awry… and how silly you can get when you stay up to late.

Thank you, Shelly, for giving me permission to post this.

Now remember, this whole conversation happened through email.  After I helped Shelly, I mentioned I wished I had more time to do research.  Her answer was…

Shelly: May the Faeries of Figgy Newton grant that wish … (((((((poof)))))))))))

Jennifer: Wait! I just turned into a newt!  Very hard to type with these little fingers!

Shelly:  Oh my, that wasn’t supposed to happen! Let me find a transfiguration spell to fix it real quick …. now where did I put my damn spell book …

Jennifer:  Ribbit. Yikes. I’m in trouble.

Shelly:  Time to break out the big guns then. Prepare yourself, this ain’t going to be pretty …

Jennifer:  AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

Shelly:  The smoke clears, and I can see your startled face, eyes, and your hair is sticking straight out, but still there, just a tad burnt, and you are no longer green, which is good, but you are now purple.

Drat! Back to the drawing board.

Jennifer:  I feel like a grape. On that happy note, I’m going to bed.  Fix me in the morning?

The next morning: 

Shelly: Did you squeeze yourself and have Grape Juice this morning?

Jennifer:  That’s why I look so thin today. :-)

Shelly:  Well, then my magic worked! Sort of :-P

Aren’t authors just great fun?  Thanks for the giggle, Shelly!

When you don’t agree with your child’s teacher.

Why, oh why, are there people in our public school system teaching children how to write that have no idea about basic fictional writing principles?

My son came home the other day with a low grade on a story he had written.  No biggie, I’m not an ogre—until I read her comments, that is.  My husband sat at the head of the table watching me with hands folded.  I think he was waiting for me to blow a fuse… which, admittedly, I did.

My husband said, “I didn’t see anything wrong with it.  I wanted to see what you thought.”

This is the comment.  Hold your breath…

“Don’t use so much dialog in your writing.  Dialog kills a story.”

Okay, so I took a deep breath, and read his story.

He had done a horrible thing.  He had allowed the dialog to tell his story… without a STITCH of show versus tell issues.  It was actually GREAT.  (No explosions, but that’s okay.  He’s the quiet one)

His story was realistic, believable, and perfectly constructed.  Now, I understand that writing is subjective, but to grade him down for writing correctly?  UGHHHH!

My husband raised an eyebrow and said, “I would LOVE for you to go in and talk to her about this.”

Yeah, he would think it was funny if I got taken out of the school in handcuffs.  This teacher is not to fond of my son to begin with (he’s a giggler and she is a drill sergeant)  We’re just biding our time until we can get him out of this class.  My husband had growled his way through a few parent teacher conferences with her already.

So, what did I do?  I explained to my son that he had written it correctly, and sometimes you are going to be judged unfairly.  I told him that I want him to know what is right, but next time give her exactly what she wants to get the grade, but know there is a better way to do it.

(It’s sad to give real-life advice to an eight year old)  I just know that there is no winning with this woman, and she, unfortunately, is in a position to make my little guy miserable for the rest of the school year.  Believe me, if it were the last day of school, she’d totally have gotten a writing lesson from me… I just need to think of what I’m doing to my child as well.

A week later he came home and said, “Mom!  I wrote a really bad story and she loved it!”

I looked at his new story.  It was 100% tell, no feeling, no dimension, flat characterization.  And she wrote “Nicely done.”

I cringed.  “Okay, but you understand that this is NOT the correct way to write, right?”

He laughed.  “Yes Mom.  I tricked her.”

What’s really sad, is the chances are the 23 other kids in the class don’t have a parent who’s an author.  They will all leave this class thinking they are great writers.

And people wonder why there are so many bad manuscripts out there in the pipeline?

“I don’t know why these agents are rejecting me.  Mrs.  So-And-So from third grade said I was a genius.”

Sad, really.

Have you ever been in a situation like this?

I think we need to slow things down… just a little

I just got through a ten-week experiment.  I decided to try out blogging every day.

I did this for two reasons.  #1 to see if I could do it, and #2 to increase readership.

What I found was an initial spike in average views per day, then a lull that made me wonder if daily blogging had become annoying to people.  But then Boom! A spike again, along with added followers.

I’m not really sure what the magic formula is.

In general, I’m not crazy about people who blog every day.  Why?  Because most people run out of interesting things to say.

I did learn that I DIDN’T seem to run out of things to say.  I guess that’s a good thing.  My problem is time.

I suppose if I just dropped words on the page without the graphics I would be able to keep up.  But how boring is that?  I like the graphics and interactive-look of the blog.  But BOY!  Does that take time!  I’ve also found that I am getting lazier and lazier on the graphics.  Sometimes, I am just too dern tired and want to just get it done.

So, I’m stopping my little experiment.  Before this, I used to blog on Mondays and Fridays, but it seems looking at the numbers that most of you read on Monday, Saturday, and Sunday.

Monday is usually my big topic night…. First Gold Mine Manuscript, then Writing to a Deadline, and now Road to Publication… and I have a few great topics all lined up.

I might keep Monday for “Series Topics” if everyone’s into it.

So, tell me… what days are good for you?  Which days would you like to see post from me?

What’s a good night for “tuning in” to a weekly blog series?

If I can wrangle in the Monomaniacal Middle Grade Reviewer regularly, (Which looks pretty plausible right now) how often and on which days would you like to see a review from a kid’s perspective?

At any rate, if you stop by one day and see yesterday’s post, don’t fret.  I’ll be back the next day.  Once in a while though, I need some R & R.

How many times during a week do you think is “just right” for a blogger to post?

Have I mentioned my Beta Readers ROCK?

Thank you

I know this may sound hokey, but considering what I put my beta readers through, I think I need to give them all a big public hug and a Thank You from the bottom of my heart for:

#1:  Not being mad when I put my own beta-reading on hold

#2:  Being so supportive and honest, even though they knew I was stressing

#3:  Not hating me for asking for so much help in such a tight timeframe

I would like to introduce My Beta Reading Army for Last Winter Red:

Ms. Fran Metzman:  Thank you for pointing out that I needed more setting.  At the very last minute, I balked and added extra scenic imagery.  I have to admit that the story is richer with it.

Krista Quintana:  Thank you for being the only one who pointed out that my beginning wasn’t great.  I thought I knew what you meant when someone else said to start it a little later, but the publisher called me on it, and now it starts even sooner.  Also, you were totally right about Sara.  I didn’t change her much, and she was one of the fixes that the publisher requested at the last minute.  She’s now 15.

Ravena Guron:  Thanks for being so anal… and I mean that in a good way.  You made me look at every sentence more critically, and my story was stronger for it.  Your closing comments on the final version that you read really hit home, and made me think that maybe I had something here.

Nancy Krause:  Thank you so much for doing that read over the holiday weekend.  Thank you for giving me your phone number (even though we barely knew each other) so we could discuss everything live.  Having a voice attached to the comments helped breathe some life into me – and oxygen at that point.

Dawn Burne:  For reading and showing me things that I hadn’t thought of.  I would have looked so stupid if that talking/attacking furniture made it to the publisher.  Thanks so much.

Julie Reece:  For jumping out of the Scribophile world and offering to read for me even though you were preparing for the release of your own debut novel.  I sent you my final draft at 2:30 in the morning, and it was waiting in my email when I woke up the next day.  I also appreciated your help with that one transition element that we emailed back and forth on.  If I can ever repay the favor, please let me know.

Gloria Richard:  Thank you so much for your support and “whoots”.  I was excited that you liked the romantic elements, since I hadn’t done that before.  All those stinking typos that you caught too… that would have been embarrassing.

Jenny Keller Ford:  What can I say?  You totally Rock.  From long nights dwelling over rejections, editing nightmares, and draft after draft… here we are.  Feels good, doesn’t it?

Sandro Fletcher:  Thank you for jumping back in when we haven’t spoken in so long.  The one “missing plotline reolution” that you mentioned is fixed.  It is now in the last two pages, and sewn up tight.  Thank you so much for your support, not only now, but for encouraging me when I first started out.

This is a diversified group of people, and if you noticed, they each gave something different in their perspective of my work.  It is important to build your own little army.  Know which person will find what, and build relationships.

If any one of these people were to ask me for help, I would stop what I was doing and help them.  If you support me, I will support you.

We are not alone in the writing world, and I have been incredibly lucky to know this amazing group of people.  If you don’t have beta readers/partners… they are out there.  Find them.  They can be a lifeline in your time of need.

An Amazing Feeling. Published.

An Amazing Feeling

If you hadn’t noticed, I’m excited.  I am a born writer.  It is a talent God gave me, but I suppressed for twenty years.  Always in the back of my head, though… I knew giving up writing was a mistake.

When I decided to take up writing again in 2010, my focus was to be published.  In January of 2012, I decided that it was going to be this year.  I was going to do it.

I threw everything I had into that goal… and here I am!

And believe it or not, it only gets better.  A little over a year ago I did a beta read for a woman who has since become one of my best friends.  We’ve been on a roller coaster ride together, both striving toward that elusive publication credit at the end of the rainbow.

I am so excited to say that Jenny Keller Ford’s Amulet of Ormisez – The work that had me questioning my own submission, will also be included in J. Taylor Publishing’s Make Believe Anthology, due out just before Christmas of this year.

It’s fantastic to be published, but it’s even better to be published alongside your friend.  Instead of one of us being excited, but at the same time consoling the other, we were both able to celebrate together.

What an amazing feeling.

Press Release. It’s all Kind of Weird, isn’t it? Details Revealed! FINALLY!

It’s weird isn’t it?  I never expected a press release. 

The funny thing about getting published is I needed to WAIT to tell everyone.  I could only say I was excited.  Well, the press release is out, so now I can talk.  All the details are below (A little boring for my style, but I thought you’d like to see it just like it went out to the news gurus.)

It’s pretty cool.  Here ya go if you want a looksie. 

Oh!  Notice the cover release is slated for May 21st!  So excited to show your guys!!!!

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

Make Believe Anthology authors revealed!

Five authors to be featured with J.A. Belfield in Make Believe Anthology from J. Taylor Publishing.

Apex, NC – March, 2012 - On December 3, 2012, J. Taylor Publishing will release Make Believe, an anthology of six short stories, ranging from contemporary romance to fantasy, written based on a photo prompt with a wintery setting and a woman in red.

“A photo prompt is one way to stir the imagination. As is evidenced by the six selected entries, each author brings a unique perspective, as well as to the twists and conflicts used to push the main characters one way or another,” says J. Taylor Publishing. “These differences, the broad range of ideas and writing style of each author determined their selection for the anthology.”

The anthology will open with Terri Rochenski’s Sacrificial Oath, a story of self sacrifice. J. Keller Ford’s The Amulet of Ormisez will follow—a story of success in failure. From there, Birthright by Australian author Lynda R. Young will delve into secrets revealed. Kelly Said returns to this anthology with Petrified, taking the reader on a journey of finding one’s purpose. Last Winter Red by Jennifer M. Eaton finds us in a post-apocalyptic world where not all is as it seems. Rounding out the anthology, is our headline author, J.A. Belfield, author of Darkness & Light and the to-be-released Blue Moon, with Escort to Insanity.

“While J.A. deviates from the Holloway Pack with her short story, her characters are just as engaging and full of the paranormal, and we’re excited to have a return anthology author as well. In choosing the stories, we looked for diversity, unique and intriguing stories and solid writing. In this set of authors, we found it,” says J. Taylor Publishing, adding, “In fact, the stories are as different as the authors themselves.”

About J.A. Belfield One day, a character and scene popped into J. A. Belfield’s head, and she started controlling the little people inside her imagination as though she were the puppet master and they her toys. Questions arose: What would happen if …? How would they react if …? Who would they meet if …? Before she knew it, a singular scene had become an entire movie. The characters she controlled began to hold conversations. Their actions reflected the personalities she bestowed upon them. Within no time, they had a life, a lover, a foe, family … they had Become.
One day, she wrote down her thoughts. She’s yet to stop.
J. A. Belfield lives in Solihull, England, with her husband, two children, three cats, and a dog. She writes paranormal romance with a second love for urban fantasy.

About Jennifer M. Eaton Corporate Team Leader by day, and Ranting Writer by night. Jennifer M. Eaton calls the East Coast of the USA home, where she lives with her husband, three energetic boys, and a pepped up poodle.
Jennifer hosts an informational blog “A Reference of Writing Rants for Writers (or Learn from My Mistakes)” aimed at helping all writers be the best they can be.
Beyond writing and motivating others, she also enjoys teaching her dog to jump through hoops—literally.
Jennifer’s perfect day includes long hikes in the woods, bicycling, swimming, snorkeling, and snuggling up by the fire with a great book; but her greatest joy is using her over-active imagination constructively… creating new worlds for everyone to enjoy.

About J. Keller Ford J. Keller Ford is a quirky mother of four, grand-mother and scribbler of young adult fantasy tales. She has an insatiable appetite for magic, dragons, knights and faeries, and weaves at least one into every story she conceives. Her muse is a cranky old meadow gnome that follows her everywhere she goes and talks incessantly, feeding her ideas for stories 24/7.
When she’s not writing or blogging, the former Corporate Paralegal enjoys listening to smooth jazz, collecting seashells, swimming, bowling, riding roller coasters and reading. Jenny lives minutes from the beaches of the west coast of Florida with her husband of twenty years, her two sons and a pair of wacky cats and three silly dogs. The pets have trained her well.

About Terri Rochenski Terri started writing stories in the 8th grade, when a little gnome whispered in her brain. Gundi’s Great Adventure never hit the best seller list, but it started a long love affair with the fantasy genre.
Today she enjoys an escape to Middle Earth during the rare ‘me’ moments her two young daughters allow. When not potty training or kissing boo-boos, she can be found on her back patio in the boondocks of New Hampshire, book or pencil in hand.

About Kelly Said: Kelly enjoys life near the foothills of Colorado’s Rocky Mountains, in a city a mile closer to the sun than most. When she’s not hanging out with her Mr. S, binge reading on the weekends, or being pressed for playtime by the wet nose of her beefy bull terrier, she can be found tucked away in a quiet spot, huddled over her laptop, writing stories for young adults.

About Lynda R. Young Lynda lives in Sydney, Australia, with her sweetheart of a husband who is her rock, and a cat who believes world domination starts in the home. Lynda has an adventurous spirit and has traveled the world.
As a chaser of dreams, she found success as a digital artist and an animator, and now as a writer of speculative short stories. She currently writes novels for young adults.
In her spare time she also dabbles in photography and all things creative.

The cover for Make Believe, and short summaries for each story, will release on May 21, 2012.

About the Publisher
J. Taylor Publishing is an Independent Publisher who, thanks to the Internet, has a worldwide reach. Our debut authors are in the United States, the United Kingdom, and Canada. The company produces print and electronic books. For more information about J. Taylor Publishing, please visit www.jtaylorpublishing.com.

Validation. Finally.

Validation is a strange thing.  It’s something we all want, but no one knows how they will respond when they get it.

For me, it came in the form of screaming at the top of my lungs and scaring the heck out of my husband and dog.

Then the tears start.

“Mommy, are you okay?”  Wide concerned little eyes look up at me while I drench my husband’s shoulder in tears.

“Yes, boys, Mommy is great.  Sometimes adults cry when they are really happy.”

“Oh…”  they look at each other with confused expressions, and then join in the hug fest.

All I am allowed to say right now is that I’m really happy.

Are ya getting that?

Yesterday’s post showed what a great day it was for me, and I’m still tingling.

After a few little legal things are taken care of, I will be able to tell you why, but if you’re new here, check out my Monday Night posts from the last month if you’d like a clue or two.

I’m going to Hell. (A character Study)

As an author, I like to study people who are very different from me.  I try to figure them out… what makes them tick… why do they do the things they do?  Why do they think like they do?

I started pondering this last week when I wrote the last lines of my “Book Banning” article, and asked you guys not to bash any of the groups (probably religious groups) for not liking the books on the list.  I was thinking over why it was so important to me to make sure that no one singled out a religion.

Several years ago, I found out that I’m going to Hell.  Someone who is unfortunately bound to me by marriage informed me of this.  Kind of makes things awkward during Thanksgiving dinner.

Hmmm… Didn’t the Pilgrims come to America to avoid religious persecution?

Let’s think about that…

Until I met this guy, I was the most religious person I knew.  My friends and co-workers knew this.  They always apologized when they cursed in front of me (jokingly) and many asked me to pray for them if they were in need.  No problem for me.  I’m happy to do it.  God and I are pretty tight.

But now, apparently, I am going to Hell—so, I asked this guy “why”.  What do you believe in that I don’t?  Through discussion, I found out that we both believe EXACTLY the same thing.  So, why am I going to Hell?

Because I do not worship in the same church he does.  And apparently, everyone but his church is going to Hell.

I hope Hell is a pretty big place.

Unfortunately for me, this snowballed.  I moved.  Now I find myself in an environment where almost EVERYONE around me believes this, and they openly condemn my religion.  Holy cow!  Talk about the “Don’t know don’t tell” policy.  I’ve learned to live with this, though.  Rather than “coming out” and putting my head on a block for being “that religion” I just keep my mouth shut.   (Yeah, sounds meek, but it’s just not something I want to deal with.  It’s personal.  Politics and religion – keep it to yourself.)

What really bought this to my boiling point, was a recent dinner I had with a bunch friends.  Out of the blue, they started bashing my religion.  It was mild, and none of them said I was going to Hell, but it shocked me.

These people didn’t even think to ask if anyone was of that religion before they started bashing.

Now, I could have answered all their questions, and set them straight.  In retrospect, I probably should have— but in an eight-on-one situation, self-preservation instinct took over.  I kept my mouth shut, and just “observed”.

From a character study perspective, I try to understand how people like this can think of themselves as so much better than anyone else.  How can they quote scripture, while going against scripture at the same time?  I’d love to really get inside one of these people’s heads just to “understand.”

Any one of them would make a great character in a novel.  Talk about adding tension!  The problem is without completely understanding how these people are wired, I am not sure I could do them justice without making them seem like….  Ummmm…  Well…  let’s just say without letting my personal opinion of their outlook slipping in.

Creating a monomaniacal villain is easy.  They are a little tainted in the head.  That’s accepted.  But these people are “normal”, but really contradictory.

How do I create a character that thinks they are humble, preaches how humble they are, but actually has the worst case of a superiority complex I can think of?  Hmmmm.  Tough one.

I wonder though…. I hope I’m not the one with the superiority complex because I don’t think everyone in the world is going to Hell.

Since I am in the minority now, maybe I need to do a character study on myself?  Maybe I can ask the Little Blue lady from Mars to help me.

Marketing your novel while querying.

How do you do this?  Should you do this?

Everything I’ve read, and every author I’ve spoken to says: “Yes.”

When I pressed the submit button to the Publisher for my novelette LAST WINTER RED, I mulled for a little while about how important Marketing was to them.

Now, don’t let that surprise you.  All publishers are interested in authors who are marketable or able to market themselves.

As I’ve said before, my Facebook page stinks. (From my perspective)  My website/blog, however, I spend a lot of time on, and I am very proud of it.

I hoped they would see the value of that.  But then, as I thought it over, I took it a step further.

I decided to post my LAST WINTER RED query on my website.  I gave it its own tab.  But that was boring, and I don’t do boring.  I need to spruce it up a bit.

As most of you have noticed, I have an arsenal of artwork, and I am more than capable of manipulating graphics and text to bend to my will. (All of this artwork is copyrighted and paid for, by the way.  Don’t copy it—that’s stealing)

A short while of scanning brought me to a model that looked just like my MC Emily.  Throw an ashen Victorian dress on her and plop her into the snow in the middle of the woods.  Perfect.  Now, add the red cloak, laying on the snow.  Pout, Emily, you’re sad and confused.  Walla! Instant marketing piece.

If you look long enough, and if you are willing to pay for it (it’s not too costly) you can almost always find exactly what you need.

Now, I plopped this “advertisement” up really quickly, and spent more work on the art than the text since I used the actual query that I submitted to the publisher.  I’m not crazy about the tone of the query for the advertising purposes, but I wanted to get it up quickly, in case the publisher stopped by.

In the next few days, I tightened the query to be a little more readable, and make it look better visually in conjunction with the picture.

A little extra effort shows that not only am I marketable, but I will also be willing to, and have already, marketed my novel.

Please take a look and let me know what you think!

Is this a great idea?  An awful idea?  Whattya think?

Click the LAST WINTER RED tab in my title bar or click HERE to take a peek.

Book Banning

I recently read an article on why China’s internet censors ban the word “salt”

(Because the government is trying so squash rumors that extra salt intake will protect you from radioactivity)

It led me on a rabbit trail to banned books in the USA.  Now, I expected to see a list of really old books.  Huck Finn was on the list, for instance.  I would expect that… back from the days when people didn’t know any better.

But there were quite a few contemporary novels intermingled with classics like “Catcher and the Rye,” “Of Mice and Men,” and “To Kill a Mockingbird” that really surprised me.

I guess these books are not banned in the sense of the government coming in and taking them off the shelves (which can happen in other countries… we don’t have to worry about that here in the USA)  So I suppose they are saying that certain novels are “banned” by certain groups of people…. Which I would translate to “I don’t like this, so no one else should read it either.  Please don’t read it.”

I remember this happening a few years ago when Da Vinci Code came out.  Controversial?  Sure it was.  But it was FICTION.  The problem was that it was fiction researched so dern well that people believed it.

Oddly enough, Da Vinci Code was not even on this particular list.

Here are the contemporary novels on the list that really jumped out at me.  Get ready to say, “Huh?”

Harry Potter—Not just one.  The whole series (Use of anti-religious themes and use of witchcraft and sorcery)

Golden Compass (Anti-religious themes)

Hunger Games (Sexually explicit, violent, unsuited to age group)

Twilight. (Sexually explicit, religious viewpoint, violence, unacceptable for age group)

Hmmmmmm.  Let’s think about this for a minute.

Think

Think

Think

 

Had enough time?

Soooooo….. anyone else want to trash their current WIP to start writing something controversial?

Hmmm.   Let’s see.  Who can I REALLY offend?

Someday these groups will realize that if you “ban” something, it will just make people want to read it more.  It’s human nature.

Someone ban my novel.  Please?

It’s too…. Ummmmmm…

Extra-terrestrial.  Yes!  That’s it!  Other planets are BAAAAAAD!

Yes!  We must ban this!

Note:  Please censor yourself while making comments.  Do not come out and bash any particular group who may not have liked one of these novels.  I honestly don’t know who banned which, and I don’t care.

Proof is in the numbers that banning does not work… that’s the point of this article.