This is the most recent version of the first page of HIDDEN IN PLAIN SIGHT.
This is a temporary page, part of Critique challenge posted by Jamie Ayres
If you have any comments on my first page below, please feel free to let me know!
“I’m not going to sit here locked in a closet all day.” Magellan pulled away from his mother, leaving his whimpering brothers and sisters clinging to her skirts.
“Magellan, come back here.”
“No. I wanna hear Dad’s speech.” He brushed back a few stray blonde hairs from his eyes and pressed his forehead against a large crack in the old-fashioned wooden door to peek through. Sconces lit the long stone hallway that led to the auditorium. Their light flickered softly, casting shadows along the empty corridor. Magellan wondered why anyone would use flames to light a passageway. It seemed so archaic.
Magellan gasped as a metal bar entered his field of view. It crashed against the door, buckling the degraded wood, slamming it into his face.
“Get back mine scum!” a gruff voice ordered.
Magellan fell backward and rubbed his brow. “Ouch! Jerk.”
The guard stomped away, and Magellan’s mother dabbed his forehead with the edge of her dress. “Gellan, your father said…”
“I know what he said.” Magellan turned from her, and placed his hand on the door. “Right before they locked us in here.” He flicked a spider the size of his hand from the damp stone wall beside him. “I’m not a baby anymore. I want to help.”
It had to be mid-morning by now, and his father would be well into his speech. They’d arrived on planet Castillia just before sunrise, but within minutes everyone but his father was locked in this holding cell. His father said to stay put, but they’d been there for nearly three hours. Magellan had never been very good at sitting still.