Dealing with a child with behavioral issues: Our Journey with the Total Transformation #3

If you’d like to be filled in on our journey thus far, please see post #1 and Post #2.  I’m not going to go over this stuff again here. and here is Post #3

Continued from Monday …

Dang guys, once again I am overwhelmed by the support, and all the personal emails–many of which made me cry.  Part of writing these posts is self-motivation to FORCE me to keep going, because I have committed myself.  I really appreciate all the good wishes.

This is what I have learned thus far from disk #1.  My son doesn’t think the way normal people do.  I can’t expect him to be logical.  I can’t expect him to react rationally.  I cannot expect him to act “normal” when he is upset.  He does not have the ability.  In other words… I CANNOT PARENT HIM THE WAY I PARENTED HIS OLDER SIBLINGS.

Is there something wrong with him?  Well, only in that he doesn’t THINK the way most people do.

*** He doesn’t think the way most people do ***

Sounds scary, doesn’t it?  My job is to help him work around this.  I can teach him to be a normal, thinking adult, but if I don’t act now, the chances of it becoming worse are far too high.

Now, I don’t know how to do this yet.  Herein lies our frustration.  Following the course by the letter, we need to do our workbook and let this all sink in before going to lesson two.  BUT WE WANT HELP NOW.

I’m turning again to the CD of “10 things to help you right now” and I am listening to it again.

***Putting the Plan into action***

Last night, my 6 year old punched my 9 year old in the face because it was bedtime.  I called the “help line” and they walked me through what to do.  What I needed to do sounded incredibly stupid.  What I wanted to do was what my parents did – beat me senseless—but I have to realize that my 6 year old is not me.  Returning the anger and spanking will not work with this child. So I sat down and told him everything they said… and he went to bed.

***Problems with the older kids***

Now here is a new problem.  “Mom, you’re just letting him get away with that?”

The older kids felt like I’d done nothing.  I called them aside, and explained “The Total Transformation” to them.  They complained that this isn’t going to be fair to them… that they would be punished for things and their lives would have to change because of the youngest.

I said, “Yes, things will change, but this is what we need to do to get our lives back.”

They were not happy.  They groan when they start acting up and I hit them with one of the “ten things to help you right now” tips… of course, they then immediately cave and do what I want. Crap – if anything I have to say this stuff works with the older kids without a hitch.  The youngest?  He can still tirade through it.

But it’s a new day in the Eaton household.  I’m not really sure what that means.  But I’m convicted to making that true.  Now that I am a little more “educated” and understand more about my son’s challenges, and our challenges as parents to a behaviorally challenged child, at least I am ready to move forward.

At the moment, though… after week one… chaos still ensues.  And something upstairs just broke… and yep, there’s the screaming.  Bedtime is always such a joy… until next time!

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21 responses to “Dealing with a child with behavioral issues: Our Journey with the Total Transformation #3

  1. You have my respect, so much of it, Jennifer. I always pray for you. 🙂

  2. I just read all three parts of this and my heart broke a little. I admire your strength (you might not feel strong right now, but you are). You will be in my thoughts and prayers.

  3. My boys were regular brats, but I can’t imagine dealing with what you have on your plate Jenn. Hang in there! 🙂 xo

  4. I have the utmost respect for what you are doing, Jennifer. I send positive vibes your way. I know you will succeed.

  5. Julie Catherine

    ((((Jennifer)))) My heart aches for you and your family. I have no children and know nothing that might be helpful to you – but I have a huge respect and admiration for the way you’re handling this, plus taking care of your family and yourself, and working on your writing at the same time. You have many people who care about you very much and are here for you! Sending all positive thoughts, prayers and energy, and gentle hugs and love to you. ~ Julie xoxox

  6. Oh, Jen. I feel so bad for you. I know the struggle. I do know it gets better. I got my son into Tai Kwon Do. It worked wonders!!!!! It changed the focus.

  7. How you’re managing to find the time to write these posts is beyond me, but I’m so glad you are. It’s insightful to all of us, for one reason or another. Good luck. I admire your dedication to do something about this. Active parenting is SO much more difficult than passive parenting. A big, huge kudos to you!!

  8. Success rarely comes without a struggle. I wish you all the strength you need to see this through. *HUGS* 🙂

  9. They do think different and my daughter is still going through this with the youngest, but it sounds like you’re on the right track.

  10. It is a long road but you are not alone for a bit of light relief you can have a giggle at my latest issue with my four year old – bedtime in his bed he refuses to stay in bed gets up plays with toys then in the middle of the night creeps into my bed but if I out him in my bed (the big Double one) he stays there quite happily and will spend the full night there on his own without getting up – so my quandary is do I spend all night fighting to get him to stay in his own bed or let him sleep in mine while I end up on the sofa

    • I had that problem with him wanting to sleep on the floor of my room. We caboshed it immediately. Now we have problems with him sleeping with his brother.

      • I have actually just re arranged his bedroom to see if moving things round helps now the layout is a little more like mine

        • Maybe ask him how he would like his room layer out? Roommates company makes great peel and stick decorations that he can change on his whim (with no damage to the walls – very mommy friendly) making that totally his space might help

  11. Stick with it … broken things are just that, things … and he will grow into a man who will be able to understand himself. And that’s the most wonderful thing a parent can give their child.

    P.S. buy a punching bag, and use it.

  12. It sounds like such a nightmare – I really admire you.