Dealing with a child with behavioral issues: Our Journey with the Total Transformation #5

Lesson Three:  Breakthrough

Finally!  A list of things we can try!

It you like to see how we got here, or exactly what we are dealing with, please see the links to previous posts below.

My Child’s most common saying this week.  “I’m Sooorrreeeeeeey” (I’m sorry said sarcastically so you know without a doubt that he doesn’t mean it)

I’m not going to say that any bells went off listening to this tape.  I’m feeling a little friction from the husband who doesn’t think it is fair that he has to change the way he wants to parent.  But I reminded him that before we started we promised each other that we’d do everything they say.

This is hard stuff, I admit it.  It goes against so much that we “believe in” as parents.  We need to find a balance between what has worked with the two older kids, and what we need to do now to SAVE our youngest child, and our family.  Again, this is not easy, and my husband and I have to keep reminding ourselves when we slip up.

*******News Flash*******

I just deleted everything I originally wrote, because I need to tell you something.

I received an email from my son’s teacher this week… “We are so pleased with [your son’s] progress.  He has been listening attentively in class, his work is improving, and we have seen him even helping out other students when they had a problem.”

Huh?  Do you have the right kid?  I was floored.

The next day, he came home with this big poster of something they had worked on in class together.  He told me that his teacher gave it to him as a prize for giving so many great answers for the project.  He proudly hung it in his room, and I “caught” him staring at it tonight with a big smile on his face.

He feels accomplished.  He has been recognized… and I think he likes it.

****So, what did we do?****

My husband and I discussed it, and we’re not even sure.  Maybe it’s a little of everything.  Maybe it’s our attitudes, or the couple of times we have challenged him with the ideas from the “ten things” CD that we started out with.

We still have HUGE problems at home, but knowing school is improving is such a huge “light at the end of the tunnel” – you can’t even imagine how excited we are!

swish swivel squiggle

Our Journey with the Total Transformation:

Week One post #1

Week Two Post #2 and Post #3

Week Three  Post #4

Week Four (This Post) Post #5


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32 responses to “Dealing with a child with behavioral issues: Our Journey with the Total Transformation #5

  1. Excellent post, for the kiddos. Part of my appreciation comes from our journey, parenting an asperger’s kiddo with a mood disorder … Your enthusiasm and creativity is a blessing. Peace, T

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  5. Wow…. Time to go catch up on the links! Progress is good! 🙂

  6. Wow! (I had to wipe away a few tears before typing this!) What fantastic news! It seems that whatever you’re doing is helping, even if you may not be seeing huge differences at home. The fact that he has been able to succeed in school tasks is only the beginning. As someone has already mentioned, your son is beginning to realize that you are trying to help him, and are there for him, even when he is out of control, which must be a huge deal to him. As difficult as it may be, at times, that unconditional love is important to your relationship with your son. Keep up the good work! 🙂

  7. Julie Catherine

    Jennifer, I too had tears when I read this. I am so rooting for you and your whole family, and have such admiration for you. Sending continued prayers, healing thoughts, gentle hugs and lots of love! ~ Julie xoxox

  8. You’re turning a corner and I’m so happy for you!

  9. This must the be start of good things happening more often. Yay, and it’s nice to hear the little guy is feelin good about himself.

  10. I’m so happy for you, Jennifer, for this wonderful progress. 🙂 You will make it, you as parents and your dear son. Just believe it 🙂

  11. Wonderful to hear! And kudos to you guys for sticking this out. A lot of people might give up. I hope this is the first positive change among many more to come. 🙂

  12. Okay, as a mom and a teacher, I’m crying!! Lots of time- the kids just seeing their parents are trying and haven’t given up on them makes a HUGE difference. These kids don’t wake up every day going, “What can I do to torture ____ today.” They don’t know why they act out either and they’re just as frustrated as everyone else. Kuddos to you for being willing to change something in yourself before you ask your kid to–that’s truly great parenting. ❤ you and praying for you:-)

  13. Passing by I found this post intrguing. One suggestion would be to use aspects of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy to explore current thoughts themselves and see how these could be changed to suitably alter feelings and behaviours.


  14. Wow, that brought a tear to my eye! Amazing, so pleased for you 🙂

  15. Yay! What happy news. I’m excited for you and for your family. I hope that this will be a new pattern for you as you push forward. Good luck with everything. Thanks for sharing this with all of us.

  16. That is wonderful news!

  17. Your gift of a glimpse into your family, your son’s life is poignant, powerful, and it resonates in my being. My wife and I have had an intense journey with our son for the last 4 1/2 years: many E.R. runs for children’s psych issues; HFA – High Functioning Autism; diagnosis of bipolar 1 also; continuous mania, property destruction, and I’ve (dad) taken many blows resulting in physical restraints until that stopped, due to outside counsel to end that before someone gets hurt. I’ll stop about me and my wife and my adolescent son. I will simply applaud you for staying in the battle and loving your child, and celebrating with the victories. We are proud of you. Peace in the storms.

  18. WOW! I’m crying. And I’m not sure if it’s for him or you guys, maybe both. He may be seeing himself in a “successful” light for the first time in his life, and it feels good! so I’m crying for him. And what you’re doing may end up helping your family not just survive, but thrive! So exciting! Keep doing what you’re doing!

  19. Truly a remarkable ‘baby step’. I would definitely reward him for his awesome behavior at school. Maybe he feels he’s in the shadows of his two older ‘perfect’ brothers. Maybe he just needed something to excel at that is his and his alone. I am thrilled for this breakthrough. I will pray whatever worked at school will spill over at home. It’s got to make mom and dad glow inside that something is working. Keep up the great work!! We’re rooting for you.