Monthly Archives: April 2013

Rule #1 of 32 Simple Rules to the Writing the Best Novel Ever

One of the on-line writing groups I belong to has devoted several chat sessions to the article Hunting Down the Pleonasm, by Allen Guthrie. Unfortunately, my schedule has not allowed me to participate in any of the discussion thus far, but I did take the opportunity to read the article—and I’m so glad I did.

For the next several weeks, I’m going to dissect this article/essay and really think over each section.  Since I remember things better when I write them down, I figured I might as well post them up here as a series and discussion topic.  This way we can all chat, and maybe learn from each other as well.

I can’t stress strongly enough that writing is subjective. We all strive for different goals. Consequently, we all need our own set of rules—and some of us don’t need rules at all! Personally, I like rules. If nothing else, it’s fun breaking them.  [Hunting Down the Pleonasm, by Allen Guthrie]

So let’s chat about number one, which defines that wacky word I’ve never heard of before…

1: Avoid pleonasms. A pleonasm is a word or phrase that can be removed from a sentence without changing its meaning. For example, in “Hunting Down The Pleonasm”, ‘down’ is pleonastic. Cut it and the meaning of the sentence does not alter. Many words are used pleonastically: ‘just’, ‘that’ and ‘actually’ are three frequently-seen culprits (I actually just know that he’s the killer can be trimmed to I know he’s the killer), and phrases like ‘more or less’ and ‘in any shape or form’ are redundant [Hunting Down the Pleonasm, by Allen Guthrie]

Now, I KNOW I don’t use “more or less” or “in any shape or form” because they would both set off my cliché alarm.  I have caught myself using “just” once in a while… but I’m not sure about the other two.  I’m going to go run a search on my nearly completed manuscript FIRE IN THE WOODS for these words.  You go take a look at yours, and let’s meet back here.

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Okay… Here’s the scoop.

There are 203 cases of “just” in my novel.  Probably too many for 270 pages, don’t you think?  It seems that most of them are in dialog, but let’s take a look at a few that aren’t:

Staying in the house was just too much to ask. This was the story of a lifetime. I just couldn’t let it slip by without getting something on film.

Okay, taken out of context the two “justs” next to each other scream at me. The second one will definitely go.  Now the first one… does the sentence sound fine without it?  Yes, of course it does, but I think the “just” in this case, is part of the teenage voice in the novel.  For now, I think the first one will stay—but knowing me it will start annoying me now, and get deleted eventually.

Here’s a “that” instance…

You promised that you wouldn’t let anything happen to me

Each switch up to “You promised you wouldn’t let anything happen to me”

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Here are my total counts:

Original appearances of “Just” = 203 (85% in dialog)

# After search/edit = 114 (mostly dialog)

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Original appearances of “Actually” = 22 (only 5 outside dialog)

# After search/edit = 21 (only 4 outside dialog)

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Original appearances of “That” = 448 (Yikes!)

# after search/edit = 395 – most in dialog, but only 63 could be removed without messing up the sentence. I will look at this again in the final read-through.

How’d you do?  What other words have you come across that can be deleted without changing the meaning of your sentence?

JenniFer_EatonF

Write a Story with Me # 38 – Being Prepared by Ravena Guron

Ravena brings us into the Fae Dungeons.  Will they ever get out?

38 – Ravena Guron

Yoran found his eyes drifting to Sian for the tenth time in the space of a minute. She paced backwards and forwards across the marble floor, her arms tucked behind her back, avoiding his gaze. She seemed to be waiting for something, but since she’d spat on the floor a few hours before they hadn’t exchanged more than two words. Marci had been led out earlier by a guard. And although Sian’s mouth remained in a grim line, she didn’t seem worried for her sister, which put Yoran more at his ease.

The fairy man had mentioned something about meeting their queen. Yoran licked his cracked lips and examined the dirt under his nails.. Why had the fairies saved him? Why were they treating him so well now? Why did they want him to meet their queen?

What did they want from him?

He had a horrible feeling, in the pit of his stomach, that he knew exactly what they wanted, why they needed him to be well fed and rested. And if he told them what they needed to hear, he would be betraying the Establishment. He would be worse than a traitor to his own kind.

“When do you think they’ll come for me?” Yoran asked Sian, his voice too loud, ringing out in the silence. Sian didn’t reply, but he hadn’t expected her to.

He could tell the fairies the truth. The real reason why fairies were persecuted by the Establishment.

He thought back to that moment, all those years ago, when he’d overheard the conversation which had set him permanently against the race of fairies forever. His heart began hammering at the memory, the old hatred coursing through him.

Vermin. Filth.

They’d given him a small knife, to cut his bread with. When Sian turned away, he slipped it into his boot. So when he met the queen, he would be prepared.

Write a Story with Me is a group endeavor just for the fun of it.  A different writer adds a new 250 words each week.  It is the ultimate Flash Fiction Challenge!

If you’d like to sign up, come on over.  There’s always room for more!

Parts One – Twenty Nine Click Here

Part Thirty — Richard Leonard

Part Thirty-One —Sharon Manship

Part Thirty-Two — Shannon Christensen

Part Thirty-Three — Danielle Ackley McPhail

Part Thirty-Four — Siv Maria Ottem

Part Thirty-Five — Susan Roebuck

Part Thirty-Six — Jennifer M. Eaton

Part Thirty-Seven — Elin Gregory

Part Thirty-Eight — Ravena Guron

Don’t forget to stop by next week to see what happens next.

  Nicky Wells — TAG!  You are “It”

Sunday Snippets Critique Blog Hop: The Second 250 Words of my New Novel, OPTIMAL RED

Sunday_SnippetsOh Yeah!

It’s the Sunday Snippets

Critique Blog Hop!

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In this hop, participants post 250 words of their work in progress to be critiqued.  Then everyone hops around to critique others.  Don’t have a post of your own?  We’d love a critique anyway!  And next time you can sign up yourself (see below)

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Here we have the second 250 words of my new novel Optimal Red, which is the sequel to LAST WINTER RED from the Make Believe Anthology.

Like the first set, this has not been proofed.  I have not gone back to it since I first wrote it, so slash away!  What’s missing?  What do I need to expand upon?  Are you connecting with the characters?

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Henry took a deep breath and took in the room around him.  How long would it be before he would see this room again, before he’d see his mother and siblings again?  Weeks? Months?

A stiff jerk tested his posture as his mother gave a final tug on his shirt and plastered it against his waist.  “There.  Your wife will be pleased.”

He brushed his lips against her forehead.  “I will make you proud, mother.”

She nodded, walking him to the door.  “Be sure that you do.”

The stark gray hallways echoed with his solitary footsteps.  Any other day he would have walked toward the right, to the common rooms and study areas.  Only once before had he walked to the left, taking the long gray hallway toward the unknown. It had been to see off his father when he’d been asked to work in the agricultural center—the last day they’d seen before news of the terrible accident.

As Henry approached the lifts, a woman with sandy blonde hair stood from her desk and greeted him with a brilliant smile.  “Good morning, Sir.” She held out a smoky glass pad.  “Identification, please.”

Henry reluctantly placed his hand on the pad.  Before today, he’d been considered a minor, and one of his parents gave their identification.  He’d never placed his own palm on one of the devices.  A tone sounded, and he drew his hand back.

“Happy birthday, Sir,” The woman said. “One moment please, and I will fetch a car to Sigma Central.”

“Do you know what I should do when I get there?”

“There will be another guide to meet you when you step out.  No worries, Sir.”

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The Sunday Snippets Critique Blog Hop is on!

Want to join up? Click here for the rules, and leave a comment to have your name added to the list.  The more the merrier!swish swivel squiggle 2

Click on over to these great writers to check out and critique what they’ve posted!

Note:  Those who have not been participating have been removed.

http://mermaidssinging.wordpress.com/

http://caitlinsternwrites.wordpress.com/

http://ileandrayoung.com

http://jennykellerford.wordpress.com

https://jennifermeaton.com/

http://richardleonard.wordpress.com

http://jordannaeast.com

http://itsjennythewren.wordpress.com/

http://wehrismypen.wordpress.com

http://jlroeder.wordpress.com

http://letscutthecrap.wordpress.com/

http://ashortaday.wordpress.com

http://mandyevebarnett.com/

http://www.michellezieglerauthor.com

http://joeowensblog.wordpress.com/

Things that fall from the sky – Food for creative ideas for writers from real-life odd events

I just love the sometimes wackiness of real life.  If any of us wrote this, we’d probably get laughed at for its ridiculousness.  But…

Looking for some inspiration?  Here is a list of odd things that have fallen from the sky.  There is a little inspiration here for every genre, from Horror to Sci-Fi, to real-life.  Interesting stuff.  Definitely worth a click to take a look.  Then come back here and tell me what you thought!  Which was your favorite?

I’m floundering somewhere between the fish and the cows. (Floundering.  Ha!)

http://www.foxnews.com/scitech/slideshow/2012/06/18/18-things-that-fell-from-sky/

Jennifer___Eaton

Win a free, autographed print version of A Legacy of Stars by Danielle Ackley-McPhail

You’ll all remember Danielle from the “Give that Publisher What They Want, Dernit!” Series here on my site.  Now she has a giveaway!

Check out the details below!

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I received a wonderful review yesterday for my solo science fiction collection, A Legacy of Stars (DTF Publications/Dark Quest Books). It made my day, but it came with something of a mystery, which I’ll quote here:

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“One of the cleverest first contact stories to come along in a long time.” Analog June 2013 issue

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Where is the mystery, do you ask? See…there are two first contact stories in the collection. Now I could just ask the reviewer which one he thought was the cleverest, but where is the fun in that? I say this calls for a contest.

For the next week I will be taking a poll on what you thought was the  cleverest first contact story in the book. How it works: If you really like me and want to give some support to a small press author buy the ebook version of the book for $2.99 and give it a read.
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Or, email me at _greenfirephoenix@aol.com_ and I will send you a PDF file of the two stories in question. Whichever route you take, read the stories: Building Blocks and To Look Upon The Face of God and click the below rafflecopter by April 12 (EST) with your pick for which is the cleverest. On April 13th the reviewer, Don Sakers, will answer the question on my Facebook page. Two people will win a free, autographed copy of the print version of A Legacy of Stars.
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Danielle Ackley-McPhail www.sidhenadaire.com www.badassfaeries.com NEW RELEASE – from Dark Quest Books – A Legacy of Stars – A Collection of Award-Winning Science Fiction
Author of Yesterday’s Dreams, Tomorrow’s Memories, Today’s Promise, and The Halfling’s Court Editor of the Bad-A** Faeries Anthology Series

#carinapitch Carina Press Twitter Pitch event is on NOW. Have a novel to pitch?

The Carina Press editorial team will be holding a pitch event on Twitter via the #carinapitch hashtag on Thursday, April 4, 2013 from 8am Eastern to 9pm Eastern.

Reblog from Carina Press– Angela James | March 30th, 2013

Last fall, we provided an opportunity for authors to submit their work and get both an expedited response and feedback. We had tremendous response to that submissions call, so we decided to do something that would give authors the chance to get similar feedback and response time. I’d also like to share that, from that submissions call, we found over a dozen manuscripts that we either wanted to acquire or see further revisions for, so it was very successful for both authors and us in that regard. Our ultimate goal is always to find new authors to acquire, not new authors to reject!

Last time, we heard from authors who had submissions pending that they wished they could also have the opportunity to take advantage of that, so we’ve come up with a pitch event that will allow everyone, including those who currently have submissions pending, the same chances. Please read on for details of how the event will work.

On Thursday, Carina Press freelance editors will be monitoring the #carinapitch hashtag for book pitches from authors.

The benefits:

Book pitches chosen by editors will be reviewed by the editor who requested it. Response will be given by May 31st, 2013 and those manuscripts chosen via the #carinapitch will also receive personalized feedback. Please note that we ask authors not to expect paragraphs of feedback, but specific feedback will be offered noting what the editor sees as not working or needing attention. We also would like to emphasize that the nature of this business is subjective, so the editor may provide feedback the author may not agree with. We’re offering insight into why the book doesn’t work for us (should we choose to pass on it, rather than acquiring, which is certainly a possibility!), not providing detailed instructions on how to “fix” any issues we see.

Eligibility to participate:

1) A complete, ready-to-send, manuscript that falls within the commercial fiction genres that we publish. (Please view our submissions guidelines here)

2) You must be prepared to send your manuscript within 3 days of the #carinapitch session. Any manuscripts sent after Sunday, April 7th will still be fairly reviewed by editorial staff, but won’t be eligible for the feedback/accelerated response time.

3) The manuscript you’re pitching must be new material, not previously published material, whether self-published or released via a publisher. New material only will be considered during this event.

4) The manuscript cannot be one that has previously received a pass letter from us.

5) You may pitch more than one project.

How to participate:

1) Wait until April 4th from 8am Eastern to 9pm Eastern, which is when the editors will be monitoring the hashtag.

2) Craft your compelling book pitch into one (no more than two) tweets. Indicate if it’s more than one tweet by using 1/2 and 2/2 so we can piece them together.

3) Post them to Twitter from your account using the #carinapitch hashtag (the only way we’ll know they’re for us!)

  • Please do not post pitches for one book more than twice during the #carinapitch event. Even if you’re changing your pitch, please pitch the same book no more than twice during the day.

4) Watch for a reply from a Carina Press editor.

5) If an editor lets you know that they’d like to see your submission and your manuscript is NOT currently on submission with us:

  • a) please follow the submission guidelines here and include all required information. Send your submission to the submissions email, not the editor directly.
  • b) Make your subject line: #carinapitch Title by Author (genre)
  • c) Address your query letter to the editor who requested your manuscript
  • d) At the top of your query letter, please include the Twitter pitch you used and your Twitter name (to help the editor recognize your request & verify that they asked for it)
  • If more than one editor asks for your submission, you may choose which editor to send to, though you may also wish to indicate the second editor who had interest, in case the first editor chooses not to read it.
  • e) Send your submission no later than Sunday April 7, 2013

6) If an editor lets you know they’d like to see your submission and your manuscript is already in our queue.

  • a) Send an email to submissions@carinapress.com
  • b) Subject line: #carinapitch Existing Submission
  • c) In the body of the email, please include the Twitter pitch you used and your Twitter name (to help the editor recognize your request & verify that they asked for it).
  • d) In body of email, please tell us the date you originally submitted your work, the title of the work, the genre and the name you submitted under. It’s helpful if your email comes from the same email address you used to submit the work.
  • If more than one editor asks for your submission, you may choose which editor to send to, though you may also wish to indicate the second editor who had interest, in case the first editor chooses not to read it.
  • e) Email us no later than Sunday April 7, 2013

Notes about #carinapitch

  • You don’t need to direct your tweet to a specific editor. We’ll all be monitoring the hashtag throughout the day. However, if you want to bring it to the attention of an editor you think it’s particularly suited for, you are welcome to do so. At the bottom of this post is a list of participating Carina Press editors and their Twitter IDs.
  • Please don’t post your pitch more than twice during the day. We know you want to make sure we see it, so we don’t mind if you post it at two different times, but please don’t post one book more than that. This includes not changing your pitch five times and posting it five different ways, please. Two pitches per book, so the hashtag doesn’t become cluttered and allows all authors equal opportunity to be seen. Thank you!
  • An updated list of what different editors are looking for will be posted here on the blog Monday. You can see editor bios here.
  • Information about what we publish, our submissions guidelines and specific FAQs can be found here.

Feedback is welcome! Please email us at generalinquiries@carinapress.com if ever you have specific, constructive feedback you’d like to share.

One last (very important) note:

Even if your pitch isn’t selected by an editor, that doesn’t mean your project isn’t right for us. In the end, it’s the words you write in the story that will get us to acquire the book, not the words you wrote for the pitch, so if you’ve written something we publish, please still submit it to us. Your chances of having the manuscript acquired are just as good as those whose pitches we single out!

*Permission to forward this post, use it on blogs and author forums is permitted.*

Participating editors:

Angela James @angelajames

Tina Burns @TinaBurns

Deb Nemeth @DebNemeth

Jeff Seymour @realjeffseymour

Elizabeth Bass @ElizabethBass

Melissa Johnson @MelissJohnson

Gina Bernal @GinaBernal

Alissa Davis @AlissaDenay

Mallory Braus @MalloryBraus

Meredith Giordan @MeredithGiordan

Megan Records @MeganRecords

Write a Story with Me # 37 – Not so big now, are you? by Elin Gregory

I’m bringing it back to the battle string this week, ’cause that’s where the party’s at!  Let’s rock!

37 — Elin Gregory (Battle String)

“Good advice.” The deep voice boomed behind Yoran.  He whipped around, a painful throb in his spine making him gasp only to let out the air in a wordless yell of horror.
He staggered to his feet putting himself between his daughters and the – the creatures who were looming over him. Yoran was used to being considered tall, but their height, their width of shoulder accentuated by gleaming armour, made him feel small.

“Get away from my girls,” he snarled reaching for his holster.

One of the two darted forward, dragonfly wings opening with a rasp of chitin, but the other put a hand on his chest, halting him. Yoran’s fingers touched empty leather. The creature nodded then raised its claws to remove the bulbous eyed helmet. A man’s face, handsome, blue-shadowed at the jaw with black hair drawn up into a top knot. He
looked amused.

“I’m Janosc. My men and I saved your lives but we had to leave your weapon the other side of the portal,” he said. “Man, you’re on our ground now. Not so big, are you? Consider yourself to be a prisoner of war, which means you will be treated somewhat better than I would be if the positions were reversed. Now eat, rest, wash, for later you
will meet a queen.”

At a gesture more of the creatures filed in, slim, androgynous, fair of face, bearing trays of food and vessels of warm water. A luxurious imprisonment, then, but they were prisoners all the same.

Write a Story with Me is a group endeavor just for the fun of it.  A different writer adds a new 250 words each week.  It is the ultimate Flash Fiction Challenge!

If you’d like to sign up, come on over.  There’s always room for more!

Parts One – Twenty Nine Click Here

Part Thirty — Richard Leonard

Part Thirty-One —Sharon Manship

Part Thirty-Two — Shannon Christensen

Part Thirty-Three — Danielle Ackley McPhail

Part Thirty-Four — Siv Maria Ottem

Part Thirty-Five — Susan Roebuck

Part Thirty-Six — Jennifer M. Eaton

Part Thirty-Seven — Elin Gregory

Don’t forget to stop by next week to see what happens next.

  Ravena Guron — TAG!  You are “It”