Deep breath. It’s going to be a bumpy week. This week is an overview of concepts of behavior management.
My Son’s most common saying: “It’s too hard”
OMIGOSH. I just found out something that I think I already knew. My kid is super-smart. It makes sense. His brothers are super smart. So what’s the problem? His brain works faster than he can “compute” Ugh…. I wish I could explain it, but it took me an hour to understand myself.
So… something gets him angry. His brain gets that anger trigger so quickly that it can’t hop the hurdle to “I should calm down before I do something dumb and get in trouble” Instead, he just lashes out. He doesn’t have the “problem solving skills” to get past the anger. No, that still doesn’t explain it…
Let’s try another way. He sits down to do his homework. He argues with us for 30 minutes because he doesn’t want to do it. When we actually do it, it only takes ten minutes. He doesn’t understand what a normal person understands… that you do the homework – just get through it– and then you can do the fun stuff. His mind just hits a road block. He doesn’t have the problem solving skills to get from point A to point B.
This is also the reason he’s had trouble learning to read. Learning to read is a problem. You get past the problem with practice. He couldn’t process the idea of “practice.” He couldn’t get past the point of “I can’t read”
So what do you do about it? We need to stop coddling him. “I’m sorry that you don’t like homework, but that is what we need to do now.” Period. End of conversation. No arguments.
This is a biggie that my husband and I need to deal with. Don’t invite an argument. It’s hard. Really hard. As a parent, I want to explain myself. I can’t with him.
It feels mean when I do this, and it has to be done properly (they explain how in the program and workbook)
I feel a little like a loaded weapon. The program says to expect resistance, and after the first night I dang well got resisted. They said to stick with it. Change will happen fast. I can only hope. There was a whole lot of screaming when they went to bed tonight (At the correct time, without negotiating.)
I feel like a totalitarian dictator, really I do. But this is the hard part I expected — the time when the parents take back the household. It’s kind of like war, isn’t it?
This is not easy. But each step to “understanding” I believe is helping me to cope with how to solve issues as they arise.
Our Journey with the Total Transformation:
Week One post #1
Week Three Post #4
Week Four Post #5
Week Five (This week) Post #6
- Dealing with a child with behavioral issues: Our family’s journey with The Total Transformation program (paulaacton.com)
- Quick to Listen, Slow to Speak (colourmeballoon.wordpress.com)
- How to Talk to Your 2nd Grader (education.com)