Write a Story with Me #44 by AnElephantCant “Being Prepared”

Write a Story with Me is a group endeavor just for the fun of it.  A different writer adds a new 250 words each week.  It is the ultimate Flash Fiction Challenge!

If you’d like to sign up, come on over.  There’s always room for more!

Here’s this week’s excerpt.  We hope you enjoy!

44 – AnElephantCant

Sian awoke with not only a blinding headache, but with her whole body feeling as though it had been trampled by a herd of stampeding wildebeest.

She raised her head slowly and found that she was in what appeared to be a windowless dungeon.

The only light came from a small aperture in the damp rock high overhead.

She stumbled to her feet, only to find she was chained by her ankle to a metal ring set in the floor.

“Hello!” she called loudly, “Is anyone there?”

Groans came from the darkness.

“Who is there?” she cried, “Speak to me!”

She stared in amazement as first Bethany and then Marci staggered out of the gloom, both trailing chains from their ankles.

“What happened … Where are we …  How did we get here?”

The sisters all started asking questions at once, but none of them had any answers.

Nor could they recall exactly where they had been or what they were doing immediately before they wakened here.

“All in good time” came Janosc’s voice from the blackest corner.

He strolled into sight, gleamingly smart, smiling confidently.

“Please, tidy yourselves up, you look awful”, he grinned at the girls, “You will want to look your best, won’t you?”

Again the girls fired questions all at once.

“Where are we … Our best for what ….” and, from Marci, “Where is our father?”

“He is being prepared”, answered Janosc.

“Prepared for what?”

“After what happened? He is being prepared for the ceremony, of course!”

Want to read more?  See below for past excerpts.

If you’d like to sign up, come on over.  There’s always room for more!

Parts One – Forty Click Here

Part Forty-One – Vanessa Chapman

Part Forty-Two – Susan Rocan

Part Forty-Three – Kate Johnson

Part Forty-Four – An Elephant Can’t

Don’t forget to stop by next week to see what happens next.

  Julie Catherine Vigna — TAG!  You are “It”

Critique Blog Hop – Page Three of my new novel “Optimal Red”

Sunday_SnippetsI’ve been quite remiss about Sunday Snippets recently.  I’m sorry. :-(

I’ve been in an editing frenzy finishing my novel Fire in the Woods (This week I will start working on the query. Yay!)

I’ve also been doing edits for my publisher for Paper Wishes.

I haven’t gone back to think about Henry at all, and it will probably be a little while before I get there.  But in the mean time, here is the next page from Optimal Red.

As a refresher, Henry just left his house to go meet his soon to be wife.  His Mom prods him to make sure the new Misses gets pregnant tonight.  As Henry walks, he remembers his recently deceased father.  Here’s the next page!

Enjoy!__-)

As Henry approached the lifts, a woman with sandy blonde hair stood from her desk and greeted him with a brilliant smile.  “Good morning, Sir.” She held out a smoky glass pad.  “Identification, please.”

Henry reluctantly placed his hand on the panel.  Before today, he’d been considered a minor, and one of his parents would have given their identification.  He’d never placed his own palm on one of the devices.  A tone sounded, and he drew his fingers back.

“Happy birthday, Sir,” The woman said. “One moment please, and I will fetch a lift to Sigma Central.” Her fingers tapped gracefully across her console.

“Do you know what I should do when I get there?”

“There will be another guide to meet you when you step out.  No worries, Sir.”

The large silver doors behind her split apart, revealing a small square room encased in silver and glass, not much larger than a lavatory. His footsteps created an echo as he strode inside.

Trepidation fluttered within Henry’s chest as the doors closed behind him.  What would happen? Would the walls move? Should he touch one of the buttons?

The floor seemed to fall out from beneath him.  He cried out as he grabbed the wall with one hand, the other reaching for his stomach as is muscles bottomed out. He whirled in the car, and jumped away from the glass window as he passed down through an open area of tall trees and plants.  The room expanded beyond his field of vision, and then disappeared as he fell into another cement expanse.

swish swivel squiggle 2

The Sunday Snippets Critique Blog Hop is on!

Want to join up? Click here for the rules, and leave a comment to have your name added to the list.  The more the merrier!swish swivel squiggle 2

Click on over to these great writers to check out and critique what they’ve posted!

Note:  Those who have not been participating have been removed to save on critiquer’s “click” time.

http://mermaidssinging.wordpress.com/

http://caitlinsternwrites.wordpress.com/

http://ileandrayoung.com

http://jennykellerford.wordpress.com

http://jennifermeaton.com/

http://richardleonard.wordpress.com

http://jordannaeast.com

http://itsjennythewren.wordpress.com/

http://wehrismypen.wordpress.com

http://jlroeder.wordpress.com

http://letscutthecrap.wordpress.com/

http://ashortaday.wordpress.com

http://mandyevebarnett.com/

http://www.michellezieglerauthor.com

http://joeowensblog.wordpress.com/

A review of Sweet Blood of Mine by @John_Corwin

Jump aboard!  It’s going to be a bumpy ride!  I really enjoyed this story from so many angles it’s not funny.

This is a story about an overweight geeky teen boy who suddenly becomes a soul-sucking incubus. (Don’t blame him.  It’s hereditary.)

The only problem is… no one told him anything about it, and he has no idea what’s going on.

I loved the world-building in this novel, and the voice is AWESOME. The main character seems real, and deals with his “changes” in a realistic way.

The only thing I can fault in Sweet Blood of Mine is the beginning, which is a bit long and drawn out.  I was so interested in the character’s voice though, that I kept reading.  The writing is fluid, and very well done.  And, in the end, I’m glad I kept reading because I ended up just LOVING this story, and cheering the main characters on as these two teenagers set off to on an adventure to save the boy’s father from the nasty supernatural bad-guys.

I’m going to dock one star for the overly-long beginning, but once you get past that, and his abilities flare up, this is an action packed roller-coaster ride of fun.

Oh yeah – here’s a warning.  This book is free right now, and this is a classic case of free done well…  There is an excerpt of the next book in the last few pages. And guess what I did?  Yep – I clicked that Buy it Now button.

This is a perfect example to me of how giving away a free book can work.   This book was so good that I didn’t hesitate to pick up the next one.  Be warned – there’s a whole series of these suckers, but at $2.99 a download, I’m good with that. If you like to romp around in the YA world (just inching toward new adult) I would HIGHLY recommend this.

Rule #2 of 32 Simple Rules to the Writing the Best Novel Ever

Writing_A_Great_Novel

I’m dissecting the article Hunting Down the Pleonasm, by Allen Guthrie, using it as a cattle prod to search for little nasties in my manuscript.  Yep, you can join in the fun, too.  Let’s take a looksee at topic #2

2: Use oblique dialogue. Try to generate conflict at all times in your writing. Attempt the following experiment at home or work: spend the day refusing to answer your family and colleagues’ questions directly. Did you generate conflict? I bet you did. Apply that principle to your writing and your characters will respond likewise.

This is one of those things that I read and said to myself “huh-wha?”  It seemed like a jumble of words that should be important, if I knew what he was trying to say.  Here’s my take on it, after doing a little research and thinking it over.

This is what I came up with.  Let’s take a look at some dialog. I’m going to take out movement and emotion so we can just look at the dialog, and see how it works.

“Helen, I’m home.”

“Hello, George. How was work?”

“Oh just dandy.  Martin was out, so I had to take care of all his problems and got to none of my own work.”

“I’m sorry to hear that dear. What would you like for dinner?”

“Pizza is fine.”

“Okay, I’ll place the order.”

“I went shopping today.”

“Yeah, what’d you buy?”

“Milk and eggs.”

“Good.  I like milk and eggs”

“You know what? We need to talk about Billy.  He turned into a velociraptor today, and he ate three of his classmates.”

“Whaaaaaaat?”

0026_CracksAndCrevasses

Okay – don’t judge me.  I’m trying to make a point.  There is a lot of day-to day babble in here that is really unnecessary, right?  The only important thing is that Billy turned into a dinosaur.

Conflict needs to be evident in every scene.  Don’t just have people talking about nothing just to kill time.  Each scene, and each bit of dialog needs to move the story forward.  I mean seriously.  Do we need to know that Mommy picked up milk and eggs?

Look for your dialog to be concise and to the point.  Give it the impression of being longer, without actually boring your reader with the babble.

Make sure each scene has a start, conflict, and resolution.  Each one of these miniature stories needs to draw your characters further along in the story. If it doesn’t move the story forward, no matter how much you love the scene, it’s time to take out the hatchet.

How often do you find your characters babbling with no forward movement in a scene?  What did you do to rein your dialog in?

Jennifer___Eaton

 

Write a Story with Me #43 by Kate Johnson “Tell me he didn’t!”

Write a Story with Me is a group endeavor just for the fun of it.  A different writer adds a new 250 words each week.  It is the ultimate Flash Fiction Challenge!

If you’d like to sign up, come on over.  There’s always room for more!

Here’s this week’s excerpt.  We hope you enjoy!

43-Kate Johnson

Yoran stared at the figure before him. He was not to be fooled. A beautiful woman she may be, but he had been long trained by the Establishment to know that these vile creatures often turned themselves into delectable beings in order to distract the enemy.

He remembered the knife in his boot. Killing this creature would be child’s play. Then, Yoran thought about the message about the tree’s power that Tangle whispered in his ear.

Doubt edged his mind, but he pushed it back. No, he had to stand firm. He had a job to do, children to protect. The message about the sacred gleaming tree was a hoax. The fairies were trying to manipulate him.

The only power he had for certain was waiting inside his boot.

“You’re the Queen Mother? The wisest of this…band of hooligans? I demand you release us. We’re being held against our will. And if you cannot, then you’re not as powerful or wise as they claim.”

“Your temper and your ignorance are what landed you here, Yoran.”

“Your people shot down my ship, kidnapped me and my family, and imprisoned us. You took Marci elsewhere and no one has come to help me with my injured leg.”

Yoran reached toward his boot, pretending to indicate a wound. Morath leaned forward to look at his leg. His hand slipped into the boot. He pulled out the knife and lunged toward Morath, stabbing her.

She crumpled to the floor, her beauty slipping away.

Want to read more?  See below for past excerpts.

If you’d like to sign up, come on over.  There’s always room for more!

Parts One – Forty Click Here

Part Forty-One – Vanessa Chapman

Part Forty-Two – Susan Rocan

Part Forty-Three – Kate Johnson

Don’t forget to stop by next week to see what happens next.

  AnElephantCant — TAG!  You are “It”

The Little Blue Lady from Mars – Day After

Free_Fridays!

PKO_Alien 3 0003387Yawn.

[Stretch]

Jennifer13There you are.

Where have you been?

PKO_Alien 3 0003387Sleeping.

I’m tired.

Jennifer13Tired?

From what?

.

PKO_Alien 3 0003387Do you have to ask?

Planning to take over the world, of course!

What have you been doing?

Jennifer13I started my new book, Optimal Red.

Oh, and I signed a contract

for Paper Wishes.

PKO_Alien 3 0003387You need to get out more.

I mean, seriously,

you need a hobby.

Jennifer13Like what?

Taking over the world?

PKO_Alien 3 0003387Yes!!!!! That’s the best hobby ever! 

And then we can have tea and crumpets and make totalitarian plans!

Jennifer13Umm,

How about we just do an interview first.

PKO_Alien 3 0003387Piff. You are just not fun.

But I guess I have no choice.  Who’s here today?

Jennifer13Emi Gayle.

You’re gonna be nice, right?

PKO_Alien 3 0003387What’s that supposed to mean?

I’m always nice.

Jennifer13Umm—

Yeah whatever.

Hello Emi!

Hello!

Do you know there is a little blue lady on your table?

PKO_Alien 3 0003387Who are you calling little?

How dare you waltz your tallness in here and…

Jennifer13So, Emi,

I hear you have a new book out this week.

What’s it called?

Yes I do!

It’s called Day After and it came out just this Monday.

PKO_Alien 3 0003387Piff! 

I bet it’s a tall book about tall people who…

Jennifer13So, Emi, I know this is book two of a series.  How hard is it to know that you’ve gotten it just right, and book two is good enough to follow book one?

An author never thinks her book is good enough, but sometimes, it’s time to let go and let the public have the story. I love the story, I love Mac and Winn, so now it’s time to share what’s been in my head.

PKO_Alien 3 0003387Lame Response! Sounds like one of those lovey-dovey books.

Why would anyone want to read it?

Because it has a hot guy on the cover. Or a nerdy one.

Either way, *I* think he’s hot.

PKO_Alien 3 0003387Well, I’ll give you kudos that he at least has a head.

I hate novels with headless men.

What?

.

Jennifer13Don’t ask.

.

.

Okay…

.

PKO_Alien 3 0003387I’ll be deciding if it is okay or mot MISSY.

Does anything explode?

Only my head when someone compliments my book.

.

PKO_Alien 3 0003387[turns to Jennifer]

She has an exploding-reappearing head?

.

CJennifer13ould be.  You never know.

I have an alien on my table doing author interviews.

You never know what the stink is going to happen on this blog.

PKO_Alien 3 0003387Hmm. 

Okay Missy too-tall with an exploding head.

Tell me what this book is about.

I’m going to give you the blurb because honestly, it’s the best way to describe Winn’s side of things …

Demon crypts. Vampire lairs. Glowing angels. Sexy sirens. The stuff of fiction.

Or so Winn Thomas always thought. Since being accepted into the fold of the supernatural, he knows better. None of what he imagined is true, but everything he feared is, and binding himself to his Changeling girlfriend until her nineteenth birthday will give him an education far beyond what he’d get at his human high school.

Luckily, Winn’s not giving up, he won’t back down, and he definitely isn’t going to run away with his tail between his legs. After all, only werewolves have tails. Right? In this, the second of the 19th Year trilogy, Winn’s facing the challenge of one lifetime. If he doesn’t learn the truth about mythological creatures, his girlfriend Mac Thorne won’t either. That means, in six months, when she chooses her final form, she won’t know what to pick. Winn, though, has his own ideas about Mac’s final selection—plans she knows nothing of. He intends to have her pick human.

PKO_Alien 3 0003387Hmmmm.

.

Well?

What do you think?

PKO_Alien 3 0003387I think I’m angry,

Because I actually want to read this.

You do?

Yesssssss!

PKO_Alien 3 0003387Let’s not get ahead of ourselves, Miss Too Tall and Exploding. 

Let’s be real.  Has your head actually ever exploded?

Well, no

But…

PKO_Alien 3 0003387I thought Not.

Have you even ever tried to explode anything?

No.

That sounds dangerous, I…

PKO_Alien 1 0003414Silence,

Too Tall!

Have you ever tried to take over the world?

Did she just get bigger?

.

Jennifer13Yes. 

Answer quick!

She’s getting mad!

Umm… ummmm… Yes! I have already taken over the world. Don’t you know that?

This is actually my interview and you’re just my pawn.

PKO_Alien 3 0003387Whaaat?

.

Ha!

Gotcha!

.

Alien PKO_0003428Gotcha? 

Gotcha?

I’ll show you Miss Smarty Pants!

Wait a minute.

Is that a ray gun?

.

Jennifer13Emi quick! 

Get under the table!

PKO_Alien 2 0003417ZAAAAAAAAAAAAP

Ha Ha! No more Too Tall Lady’s book!

[Dances away merrily]

My Book!

She blew up my book!

.

Jennifer13Errr, yeah, that happens sometimes.

Did you remember to bring an extra?

I didn’t know I was supposed to bring an extra.

[Picks particles of half-disintegrated paper from her hair]

.

Jennifer13That stinks, because Day After sounds awesome.

I’d love to read it.

Shoot I wanted to give away a copy!

Well, there is still a Raffle Copter.

.

Jennifer13Oh great!  Can I sign up to win a copy there?

[brushes some book dust off Emi’s shoulder]

Sure.

Here is the link.

.

Jennifer13Great!  Here you go everyone.  To sign up to win a free copy of Day After by Emi Gayle, click on over to Rafflecopter to win

She’s… errr,

not coming back,

is she?

Jennifer13Luckily, not for a few more weeks.

We’re safe for now.

Since I don’t have a copy to give away here,

You guys can also leave a comment on my website for a chance to win.

Jennifer13Awesome! 

Thanks for coming, and I’m sorry about your book.

[picks up remains of charred cover]

It’s been an interesting experience.

.

If you’d like to learn more about Emi Gayle and her books, click on over to http://www.emigayle.com

Alien Zig ZagAlien Zig Zag*The Little Blue Lady from Mars Copyright Jennifer M. Eaton

Closing Notes and Final Comments – Dealing with a child with behavioral issues: Total Transformation #17

I don’t want to go on forever about my kid, so I’m going to close this thread after this post.  So, why did I do this?  Why did I open up my private struggles for all the world to cringe over?

The truth is when some family members started avoiding us, and friends said “don’t come back.”  I started to feel very alone. (Thanks to everyone who DID stand beside us through all of this)

But I knew that I WASN’T alone.  I knew there had to be others out there struggling and having no idea where to turn.

I’m here telling you that you CAN take your life back.  You just need to take that first step, and then dedicate yourself to it.  Yes, I used one particular program.  I’m not telling anyone to go out and buy the Total Transformation.  There are other products out there.  Do your research.  Pick the one that’s right for you.

The big thing is DO SOMETHING NOW.

I can’t believe how quickly things changed.  It was only a few months ago that I was collapsed of the living room carpet sobbing. It seems like a bad dream now.

I’d like to share a picture with you.  This was taken when Littlest Dude was 3.  He doesn’t even look like this anymore.  It’s precious, isn’t it?

Disney Image058

This picture always made my cry, because I remember this day.  I had taken him so my husband and Dude #1 and Dude #2 could enjoy themselves at Disney World.  I sacrificed myself, and I was miserable.

I bribed him to stop and take this picture with me, hoping it would be a wonderful memory.  Instead when I looked at it on my wall, I knew it was a lie.

I don’t look at it as a lie anymore.  I look at this picture with a gleam of hope in my heart.  I actually have REAL moments like this with my child now.  I feel love from him, and that love is returned.

I know we will have ups and downs, but doesn’t every family?

Normal, for the first time is six years, is in reach.

If you have a child with behavioral problems, get help.  It will be the greatest gift you’ll ever give your family.

JenniFer_EatonF

Write a Story with Me # 42 with Susan Rocan


Write a Story with Me is a group endeavor just for the fun of it.  A different writer adds a new 250 words each week.  It is the ultimate Flash Fiction Challenge!

If you’d like to sign up, come on over.  There’s always room for more!

Here’s this week’s excerpt.  We hope you enjoy!

42 – Susan Rocan

The lad fearfully entered the confinement cell. The tall human male was an imposing figure, but he was the one to whom Tangle must deliver his grandmother’s message.

He took a step forward, drew himself up to full height, and asked, “Is your name Yoran?”

Yoran frowned at him. “Why do you want to know, boy?”

“I have a message for your ears only from our Queen Mother,” Tangle replied, barely able to stabilize his knocking knees.

“Your Queen’s Mother?” Yoran sneered. “Why would I want to hear anything she had to say?”

“Gran . . . I mean, the Queen Mother is the wisest of our people. She lived in the Before Time and is doing her best to avoid a war between your people and ours.”

“Very well, what is the message?”

Tangle motioned for Yoran to lean down and Tangle whispered into his ear the words his grandmother had told him to say. Yoran stiffened, the significance of the message striking him with the force of a knife to the heart.

Yoran glanced over at Sian, who had stopped pacing to stare at her father and the young fairy. She cocked her head quizzically. Whatever the boy told her father had obviously affected him deeply. There may be hope for him, yet.

When the boy left the room, a beautiful woman took his place at the doorway. Yoran did not see the gleaming wings folded against her back.

“I am Morath,” she said, “We need to talk…”

Want to read more?  See below for past excerpts.

If you’d like to sign up, come on over.  There’s always room for more!

Parts One – Forty Click Here

Part Forty-One – Vanessa Chapman

Part Forty-Two – Susan Rocan

Don’t forget to stop by next week to see what happens next.

  Kate Johnson — TAG!  You are “It”

Do you have a second to see if this works?

This is going to be a tad longer than a normal Sunday Snippet.  Sorry, but I need a few last-minute set of eyes.

Fire in the Woods is days from being done, and I decided I needed to add a little something, and I don’t want to send the work out to query without another few opinions on this.

I am adding a phone call/message from Dad.  A beta mentioned that if their daughter were missing that they would be ringing her cell phone off the hook.  I added a ringing phone, but I now decided to add a message, and I need to know if it’s believable.

Here’s the set-up:  You are a Dad, and a Major in the Army.  Your daughter just took off with Public Enemy Number One.  There is a huge manhunt going on. She’s not answering her phone. Does this sound like a believable message to leave on her cell phone? (From Jess’s point of view)

swish swivel squiggle 2

My fingers tightened on my phone as I began to slip it into my pocket.  The thought of the message from unavailable tightened my chest.  What if it was Dad?

“David, hold on for a second.”

I leaned against the back of the building and turned on my phone. David propped himself beside me and grabbed a banana from the bag.  He perused each end, and I quickly opened it for him.

He smiled.  “Thanks.”

I moved past Maggie’s message, touched unavailable, and brought my phone to my ear.

My father’s sigh tore my soul in two.

“I guess I can’t blame you for not answering.” A slight hum vibrated the casing against my cheek. “I saw the surveillance footage, and it’s pretty obvious you’re not a hostage. I can only imagine what he told you to make you trust him.” I glanced at David as he chewed his banana.  Dad’s voice quavered. “Sweetheart, you need to understand that he is a soldier, wounded behind enemy lines. He is not above lying to a seventeen-year-old girl to get what he wants.” I could imagine Dad pacing the floor, rubbing his hand across his tightly cropped head.  “Jess, you’ve always been like your mother, and I know there’s no changing your mind once you’ve made it up, so I’m not going to bother asking you to turn him in.”

Really? You gotta be kidding me.

“But what I do want is for you to get away from him. Just wait for him to be distracted and run as fast as you can.” I could almost sense him gritting his teeth.  “We will find him, Jess. And you know that I’m not going to sleep until you’re safe.” Muffled voices spoke in the background behind my father’s steady breathing.  “Please come back.  I can’t lose you, too.”

The call ended, and I powered down my phone.  I stared at the blank screen as my father’s words bled into me.

I can’t lose you, too.

I’d never considered the possibility of anything bad actually happening to me. I was safe with David, wasn’t I?

David popped the last of the banana into his mouth and tossed the rest into the trash beside a loading dock. What would happen if the Army cornered us?  Would there be shooting? Would David protect me, or use me as a shield?

David slipped his hands into his pockets as he strolled back to me, his smile easing any uncertainty.

My conscience fought to call Dad— to let him know everything would be all right, but I knew he’d just try to convince me to come home. I slipped the phone into my pocket.

“Are you all right?” David asked.

I nodded, biting my lip as Dad’s voice haunted me. You know that I’m not going to sleep until you’re safe.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.  Sorry, Dad.

“We need to find a place to hide for the night.”


swish swivel squiggle 2

The Sunday Snippets Critique Blog Hop is on!

Want to join up? Click here for the rules, and leave a comment to have your name added to the list.  The more the merrier!swish swivel squiggle 2

Click on over to these great writers to check out and critique what they’ve posted!

Note:  Those who have not been participating have been removed to save on critiquer’s “click” time.

http://mermaidssinging.wordpress.com/

http://caitlinsternwrites.wordpress.com/

http://ileandrayoung.com

http://jennykellerford.wordpress.com

http://jennifermeaton.com/

http://richardleonard.wordpress.com

http://jordannaeast.com

http://itsjennythewren.wordpress.com/

http://wehrismypen.wordpress.com

http://jlroeder.wordpress.com

http://letscutthecrap.wordpress.com/

http://ashortaday.wordpress.com

http://mandyevebarnett.com/

http://www.michellezieglerauthor.com

http://joeowensblog.wordpress.com/

Yay! The big Announcement for Paper Wishes!

Yay1!

I am super-excited to announce that I have signed a contract with Astraea Press for “Paper Wishes”!

Paper Wishes is the Re-envisioning of “Jack and Jill, Volume One”, which went out of print about a month ago due to Still Moments being purchased by another publisher.

We’ve started new edits, and “Paper Wishes” will be bigger, brighter, and cleaner than ever!

I am totally excited about this new opportunity, and I am really looking forward to working with a publisher as diversified as Astraea.

Stay Tuned!

Release date and

new cover to follow

Wahoooo!

http://www.astraeapress.com/index.html