Tag Archives: writing

Lesson Twenty-Nine from a Manuscript Red Line: How’s your synopsis?

Posted on February 27, 2012 | 15 comments

The publisher talked a lot about the synopsis in the closing comments of the Red-line.  I found this really strange, but I thought it had merit to mention it.

For an intro into where these tips are coming from, please see my post: A Full Manuscript Rejection, or a Gold Mine?  You can also click “Rant Worthy Topics” in my right navigation bar.  Choose “Gold Mine Manuscript” to see all the lessons to date.

The reason I found this strange, was because they’ve already read the manuscript.  They’ve already made comments, and asked for it to be re-submitted.  Why are they even talking about the synopsis?

What it seemed like to me (being an optimist) is that they were actually being helpful.  They probably knew that there was a chance that the author may not make all the changes to their satisfaction, and that she might submit to other avenues.  They were nice enough to point out problems with the synopsis that might help her if she sent it somewhere else.

(Honestly, after reading all their synopsis critiques, I was wondering why they even asked for a “full” in the first place.  I guess you never know.)

So, this is what they said…

They went through a laundry list of what the story “is not”.

It is not about this, it is not about that either.  (Quoting what was mentioned in the synopsis)

It is not a character study on the main character.

The quest is not fleshed out…

These are some of the comments.  I am guessing they are saying that the synopsis was too in-depth and talked about the side plots in the story.

I can totally understand this.  It took me months of writing and digging and cutting and beta-bashing until I finally realized what my story is about…

Magellan Talbot has to save the world.  Too bad he doesn’t know it.

Boom.  Done.  Now, there is a lot of other stuff going on that is SUPER important and makes the story unique, but you wouldn’t believe how hard it was for me to boil it down to the above.  I kept getting bogged down by the details.  The crux of the story is simple.

To save the world he has to save the Goddess.
To save the goddess he needs to fight for her.
To fight for her, he needs to find the Rapier.
To find the Rapier, he needs to remember his dreams…
The catch?  He can never remember his dreams.
Or anything else about who he really is.

There is also a lot of other stuff going on.  There is a love story, and a jealous brother trying to kill  Magellan… but simplicity is the key for the synopsis… I need to use only the elements that draw the story forward that are closely attached to Magellan saving the Goddess.

The publisher’s next comment in the Gold Mine Manuscript was “If the story is about saving (the alternate world) then that’s your focus and everything that happens in the story needs to lead to that point.  And the synopsis needs to be focused on all the activities that happen to get to that point.  Tie in every character that is introduced to get there as well as why and how (the MC) is the true key… build that up and show how that’s important.  Show us through actions and scenes that push the story forward.”

After reading this, I think I may have edited my own summary down too far.  I bought it down to the bare bones of the fewest characters involved that draw the main plot line forward.  And I also think I centered on the WRONG plotline.  My current synopsis is straight and to the point, but it is more centered on the jealous brother… which is important, but not the center.  I also took out Harris, who is probably equally as important in the novel as Magellan is.

Honestly, I am just not qualified to give anyone advice on a Summary.  I am just as lost as the rest of you.  I have helped out others with suggestions, because sometimes it is easier to have someone else boil down your story for you.  The best I can do is give you the exact quote that the publisher wrote for the Gold Mine Manuscript. (above)

Read their comment over carefully, and do your best with it.  And… when you get lost… remember that you have friends in the blogosphere who are always willing to help.

15 Comments

Posted in General Writing Tips, Gold Mine Manuscript, Uncategorized

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Lesson Twenty-Eight from a Manuscript Red Line: Very Discreet Point of View Switches

Posted on February 20, 2012 | 18 comments

I’ve talked about this before, but the second time might be a charm.  I think a lot of people are having trouble with discreet POV switches.  The big ones… where we pop heads for half a chapter are easy to find.  The one-liners may be harder to spot.

For an intro into where these tips are coming from, please see my post: A Full Manuscript Rejection, or a Gold Mine?  You can also click “Rant Worthy Topics” in my right navigation bar.  Choose “Gold Mine Manuscript” to see all the lessons to date.

Let’s go back to my little flash fiction scene.  Remember Jason and Eric fighting?  Let’s add a line to that.  (In bold)

Jason grunted as his fist swung toward Eric’s face.  Eric tried to dodge, but instead felt the sting of the older boy’s ring cutting into his jaw.  He fell to the floor with a muffled thump, and groaned as he rolled over. 

Jason wiped his chin and laughed.  “I told you to stay down.”

Eric pushed up onto his knees.  “Why, so you can just pummel me?”  He popped up and swung at Jason, but missed.

Jason ducked and swung at the same time.  There was no time for Eric to react.  His head creaked back, and his jaw rattled as he crumpled to the floor.

Jason breathed heavily, mopping the sweat from his brow.  He grunted and chose his words carefully.  “I told you to stay down, idiot.”  He snickered at the pitiful scene before him, and walked away.

There you have a short-one paragraph POV switch.  The scene is in Eric’s POV.  How would Eric know Jason was choosing his words carefully?  How would Eric know he was snickering at how pitiful he looked?  (Remember Peanut butter and Jelly Syndrome?)  Jason could have just remembered a funny joke.  Eric has no idea what he is really thinking.

The reason I used “Chose his words carefully” which might be a little odd in the example above, was because those were the words used in the POV switch in the Gold Mine Manuscript.  We were in character #1’s POV, and then another character “chose his words carefully”.  They flagged it as a POV switch.

Honestly, before reading their comments, I would have read right over this… I have also seen it in published works, but it is a switch in POV.  Do your best to keep an eye out for little things like this.  It will set your novel apart.

Hope this helps!

18 Comments

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Interview with Published Author Fran Metzman “The Hungry Heart Stories”

Posted on February 18, 2012 | 26 comments

No, it is not a little blue woman from Mars (although that would be totally cool, too.)

Today my humble little site is part of Fran Metzman’s promotional blog tour for the release of her short story collection:  THE HUNGRY HEART STORIES.

Each of the twelve stories in Fran’s collection involves food as a means to fulfillment (If it were me, it would be a book all about chocolate)  🙂

Without further ado, let’s welcome the lovely and talented Fran Metzman!

Hello Fran, and welcome to “Learn from my Mistakes”

Fran:  Hello everyone!

***Imagine Fran smiling and waving madly***

This site is dedicated to new and soon to be published authors. At the end of this interview, would you be willing to answer questions from inquiring minds?

Fran:  Yes.  I would be delighted.

Great!  Keep that in mind, guys.  Okay, let’s get started.

Fran, would you tell us about the first time you were published.

Fran: I consider this publication of THE HUNGRY HEART STORIES, as my first, as it is actually the first one published with only my own name. The other was co-written. In UGLY COOKIES and THE HUNGRY HEART STORIES, each story deals with relationship issues – a theme that has always intrigued me.

What part of relationships intrigues you so much?

Fran: We are all trying to find a level of satisfaction in relationships and it is common to feel cheated at some point in our lives. We yearn to fill emotional voids. I want to answer the question – how far will we go to find a relationship that answers deep-rooted needs?

As a writing teacher, what do you see as a re-occurring problem you need to “teach out” of new writers. What are the common mistakes they make?

Fran: I do encourage people to write from the heart, but all too often that is where they want to stop. In my opinion, it is vital to understand the structure of fiction writing because in today’s world of publishing whether it is non-fiction, memoir and even journalism, they are expecting the works to follow the form of fiction. Once a writer has that under his/her belt they have the option of experimenting. It’s like art – you must understand the structure of the body in order to sculpt or paint a figure before going on to other genres.

Can you explain that a little more? Do you mean “fitting into a set mold” or is there a certain structure that is undeniably necessary?

Fran: I don’t mean for anyone to be locked into a particular writing style. My undergraduate degree was from Moore College of Art in Philadelphia and I was a sculpture major. When we learned how to draw a person we did it step-by-step. First we did a skeleton then laid a clear sheet on top and did the muscles and sinews next. The final plastic sheet presented with skin, face, hands and toes. It was a process that enabled us to understand the structure of the body so that all parts were anatomically correct. Once we understood that, we could use that information to evolve into our own thing.

Interesting.  How did this help to make you a better writer?

Fran:  Figures differ but when the different body parts are out of scale it disturbs the visual rhythm the same way the written format may become unbalanced. For instance, if there is too much description that goes on for pages you will, in all probability, lose your reader unless you have presented such a strong, unique voice that we get lost in the work. That doesn’t happen often. Once you have an understanding of the structure, you can experiment.

Wow.  Not too many of us have the experience of learning art in that way, and can relate that to our writing.  Interesting insight.  How do you think a new writer can get there, without sculpting in clay?

Fran: Write regularly on a set schedule even if it is only once a week. WRITE!

Tell us about your first novel “Ugly Cookies”.

Fran: I co-wrote UGLY COOKIES with Joy Stocke based loosely on several short stories that seriously involve parental/child relationships, romance and feminist ideals. It also has a sub-plot of prejudices toward the elderly, something that has become a hot topic nationally today.

What was your reaction when you first saw a “real” printed copy? What did you do?

Fran: Seeing that book in print thrilled me and made me incredulous at the same time. Was that my name on the cover? How could that have happened? It had a dream like quality to it. But that didn’t last long as we had to immediately get into the huge amount of work involved in publicity.

I’ve had a lot of discussions with people, and this is what they are most worried about… Promoting.  What did you do to publicize?

Fran: It has changed so dramatically from the time my first novel was published about 10 years ago. Now it is VIRTUAL TOURS. Book chains and many independents have folded in the interim and fewer people attend live readings. We have generations who are constantly on computers, texting, googling, IPhoning, game playing, and connected tightly to screens for a myriad of reasons. The new way of publicizing is not easy for someone like myself who still prefers hard copies of books.

It’s okay, you’re doing fine.  We bloggers are a friendly group.  What’s been the hardest part about cyber-publicizing?

Fran: Today it’s all about being online for links, connections, websites, tags, Facebook, Twitter and the plethora of connections online. This consumes mammoth amounts of time as I worry when will I get back to writing.

Piff!  Speaking to the choir, my friend!  Let’s talk about some awards.  “My Inheritance” was nominated for a Dzanc Books Award for Best of the Web. Was that a surprise? What do you think made it stand out from the others?

Fran: That story has always impacted me emotionally, but I was a bit surprised as there are so many mother/daughter stories out there. It is a sensitive subject and many women choose it as a topic. I hoped I had a somewhat different spin on it. I did know someone who went into therapy when her mother was diagnosed with a terminal illness. I didn’t know any details, just had this nugget. So the story is a total fiction. But as in all my stories, there is a seeking for redemption.

You just released “The Hungry Heart Stories”. Each short story in the collection relates to food in some way. Why did you choose food as a theme?

Fran: My own mother was a sensational cook and baker. It was a major way for her to express her love. When I came home from school the house was filled with the most delectable scents, oh those wonderful peach pies. There are a couple of downsides and one is that I was a chubby kid. The other was refusing food could be a serious problem in my house. I believe, my mother interpreted it as a rejection. So, I learned to eat every morsel put on my plate.

Tee Hee. It was the same way in my house, but since my Mom was raised during the Great Depression, it was more “There are children starving somewhere” rather than a rejection thing. Did this affect your eating habits as a grown-up? Personally, I cannot TOUCH beef stew, asparagus, or boiled spinach.

Fran: Indeed, I developed bad eating habits. If you eat every bit on your plate beyond the point where you are full, it is just unhealthy excess. For years I have had to be very careful to get that under control. It is a fight every day not to overeat or eat the wrong foods. For years I didn’t eat strawberries (I do now) because my mother insisted I eat her cake that had strawberries in it. I wasn’t hungry and I sat for two hours staring at it. Finally, I gobbled it up so I could go out and play.

I’m looking at the cover of THE HUNGRY HEART STORIES.  There is a woman gazing into the distance. It feels like she is old to me, or maybe taking a step out of time.  Also, there is no food to be seen. Is there some underlying symbolism there?

Fran: The woman on the cover was to represent women of all ages who are yearning to fill an emotional void in their lives. She looks into the distance, hoping to find some answers. That kind of void is threaded throughout the stories, but the protagonists are all pro-active in trying to backfill a hunger yet to be satisfied. Some go to the edge to fulfill what they perceive as the missing piece that once found will make their lives whole. But in seeking to resolve this lack of fulfillment – they might go to the edge.

After having been through the publishing process twice, what little snippet of advice would you give to soon to be published authors?

Fran: The publishing industry is, as everyone knows, very, very tough. This is where knowledge of fictional structure pays off. You have to submit a near perfect piece in order to get it published. The time is long gone when an author could say that something they wrote needs some work but publishers have editors for that. The industry has leaned down so that there are fewer editors and little time to do overhauls.

So, do you think everyone should look into a professional editor before they even submit a manuscript? Does that go for submitting to agents, too, or just publisher direct?

Fran: Yes, a near perfect manuscript is expected from agents and editors. Since an agent doesn’t make money until they sell the book, they are especially reluctant to spend time trying to make it pitch perfect for publishers. As for professional editors, that could be expensive. If you can afford it, I say go for it. Check the editor out as well to make sure they are good. If money is an issue, find a friend who is an educated reader for content and clarity. If they are grammarians or can edit well — even better. Workshopping with a group of writers is also very helpful.

Other than editing, do you have any other advice?

Fran:  Not only does it have to be in excellent shape, the beginning has to be a grabber.

There you have it… words of wisdom from author Fran Metzman.  Thanks for stopping by Fran!

I am now opening it up for questions.  If you have a question for Fran, just post it in comments below.

Fran Metzman Author Bio

Award-winning author Fran Metzman is a graduate of the Moore College of Art and the University of Pennsylvania.  In addition to publishing numerous short stories and two novels, she also teaches writing at various local colleges and universities.  Her blog “The Age of Reasonable Doubt” can be found at Wild River Review.

THE HUNGRY HEART STORIES
Wilderness House Press
ISBN 978 0 9827115  5 2

On Amazon: http://tinyurl.com/7xgqgsn

On Barnes & Noble: http://tinyurl.com/6pubq6c

Ugly Cookies: http://tinyurl.com/7tod2er

The Age of Reasonable Doubt: http://www.wildriverreview.com/metzman/

Wild River Review: http://www.wildriverreview.com/

“My Inheritance”: http://www.wildriverreview.com/FICTION/My-Inheritance/Fran-Metzman

Want more Fran?  Visit these great sites, also hosting this tour with reviews and more interviews.

Monday, February 13th
“Welcome to Hell” by Glenn Walker
http://www.monsura.blogspot.com

Tuesday, February 14th
“Writing – Art – Metaphysics” by Shelley Szajner
http://shelleyszajner.wordpress.com/

Wednesday, February 15th
“BeccaButcher’s Blog” by Becca Butcherhttp://beccabutcher.wordpress.com/

Thursday, February 16th
“GilbertCuriosities” by Marie Gilbert
http://gilbertcuriosities.blogspot.com/

Friday, February 17th
“The Author-in-Training” by Mieke Zamora-Mackay
http://www.miekezmackay.com/

Saturday, February 18th
“A Reference of Writing Rants for Writers or “Learn from My Mistakes” by Jennifer M. Eaton
https://jennifermeaton.com/

Sunday, February 19th
“GilbertCuriosities” by Marie Gilberthttp://gilbertcuriosities.blogspot.com/

Monday, February 20th
“BeccaButcher’s Blog” by Becca Butcherhttp://beccabutcher.wordpress.com/

Tuesday, February 21st
“The Dream Between” by Robin Renee
http://dreambetween.wordpress.com/

Wednesday, February 22nd
“Literary Debauchery” by Krista Magrowski
https://kamagrowski.wordpress.com/

Thursday, February 23rd
Wrap up with Glenn Walker
http://www.monsura.blogspot.com

26 Comments

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Lesson Twenty-Six from a Manuscript Red Line: CAPITAL LETTERS

Posted on February 6, 2012 | 28 comments

Do you use Capital letters when your character yells?  Do you use them for casting spells?  Do you use them for inner thoughts?

  

Me?   No, Jennifer. 

I would never do such a thing! 

Well, I might… and I have.

For an intro into where these tips are coming from, please see my post: A Full Manuscript Rejection, or a Gold Mine?  You can also click “Rant Worthy Topics” in my right navigation bar.  Choose “Gold Mine Manuscript” to see all the lessons to date.

Amendment:  Hey!  This is my 100th post!  COOL!

I briefly mentioned CAPS in my first post on the Manuscript Red Line. (That was over Five months ago… Wow)  Anyway… here is the explanation.  The publisher said:

“The use of capital letters to show emphasis in a scene is not acceptable.  Especially don’t use it with magic, since JK Rowling did it that way.” (The Gold Mine author used caps as the character cast his spells)  “Come up with something new.  This is the key to fantasy – be unique – try not to do what was already done.”

Don’t shoot the messenger… this is their red-line, not mine.

In my novel, the characters don’t cast spells, but I did catch a few YELLING once in a while in CAPITAL LETTERS.  I got so used to looking at it that I liked it, but I have to admit, it works much better as “Get out!” rather than “GET OUT!”.  I use caps a lot for emphasis in my blog, so they may have wiggled their way into my novel.

For all you spell casters out there:  You can do better than JK Rowling.  She had her idea.  Now you need to come up with yours.  What are you going to come up with that everyone else wants to copy?

28 Comments

Posted in General Writing Tips, Gold Mine Manuscript

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Lesson Twenty-Seven from a Manuscript Red Line: Fluidity in Action – How to write a good action scene

Posted on January 28, 2012 | 8 comments

An example of a poorly written action scene:

Jason punched Eric in the face.  Eric fell to the floor.  Eric groaned and rolled over.   Jason wiped his chin and laughed.  Eric popped up, and Eric swung at Jason, but missed.  Jason ducked and swung at the same time.  Eric crumpled to the floor.

(Yes, I totally made this paragraph up.)

The publisher’s comment on a similar (but not as poorly written) scene:  This is a very stilted fight scene. It reads action, next action, next action, next action without the fluidity that’s needed for a fight scene.

For an intro into where these tips are coming from, please see my post: A Full Manuscript Rejection, or a Gold Mine?

You can also click “Rant Worthy Topics” in my right navigation bar.  Choose “Gold Mine Manuscript” to see all the lessons to date.

I have to admit, when I read the action passages in the Gold Mine Manuscript, I had the same comment.  The author was satisfied with the speed of the scenes though, and only made moderate changes.  Not being an expert, I backed off and figured it was just a “style choice”.  Guess not.

This fits in very well with my recent post on “Art of the Conflict”.  This scene is not about dialog, but this is definitely a conflict.  This one needs something inserted to break up the action, rather than action inserted to break up the dialog.

Now, I am not going to put a lot of time into this, since the scene is totally fake.  But let me add a little “art” to make it “flow”.  Fluidity is what they asked for.  Okay, here it goes…

Jason grunted as his fist swung toward Eric’s face.  Eric tried to dodge, but instead felt the sting of the older boy’s ring cutting into his jaw.  He fell to the floor with a muffled thump, and groaned as he rolled over.

Jason wiped his chin and laughed.  “I told you to stay down.”

Eric pushed up onto his knees.  “Why, so you can just pummel me?”  He popped up and swung at Jason, but missed.

Jason ducked and swung at the same time.  There was no time for Eric to react.  His head creaked back, and his jaw rattled as he crumpled to the floor.

Better, huh?  Not perfect by a long shot, but not bad for three minute flash fiction.  Can you feel the difference?  The staccato choppy “This happened-That happened” feel is gone, and the scene “flows”.

Of course, this is a first draft.  In editing, I would have to remove the “ing” word and the telly “felt”.  I would also insert a little emotion when Eric realized he missed, but this is definitely better by far than the first.  The art draws you into the scene.  You experience it, rather than just watching it.

The art of the conflict… If you don’t have it, go get it.

If you want to see a great published example, pick up a copy of  THRONE by Phillip Tucker and open up anywhere in the last hundred pages or so.

I hope this helps to make it more clear!

8 Comments

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Lesson Twenty-Two from a Manuscript Red Line: Does your Protagonist “Grow Enough?”

Posted on January 2, 2012 | 10 comments

 

In the closing comments of the Gold Mine Manuscript, the Publisher who red-lined it noted that the MC didn’t “Grow enough”.

For an intro into where these tips are coming from, please see my post: A Full Manuscript Rejection, or a Gold Mine?  You can also click “Rant Worthy Topics” in my right navigation bar.  Choose “Gold Mine Manuscript” to see all the lessons to date.

They said the main character does not have a struggle in the story that pulls him from one state of being to another.  They thought he was pretty much the same at the end of the novel as he was in the beginning.

I’m not really sure I completely agree about this comment.  I saw little changes in the character throughout the novel.  I suppose the problem was the presentation of the final scene.  The author wound down from a big action scene very well, and in the end, the MC is relaxing and thinking.

I am just guessing here, but maybe the Main Character’s thoughts should have reflected HOW he is changed.  Maybe he should be thinking:  “Wow, I was such a stuck up prude, and the world used to revolve around me, and now I just put my life on the line and fought an army and stood up for myself to protect a whole kingdom!”

Okay, that was really bad, but do you get my meaning?  Again, this is totally a guess, but this publisher is looking for “the change”… What happens to the MC along the journey that makes him or her a better person?  This, again, brings me back to my own novel (and you should be thinking about yours)

Does Magellan change?  Well, yes.

  • He starts out confident,
  • Gets ripped away from his family, get unconfident.
  • He gets the approval of the King, gets confident,
  • He leaves the King’s house, gets picked on all the time, and gets unconfident again
  • Finally, in the end, he steps up to the plate, and proves his worth in the climax.

However—does he think about this in the closing scene?  Well, no, he doesn’t.  But… in the last few lines there is another change that slaps the reader in the face with an “Oh my Gosh!”

My overall change, like in the Gold Mine Manuscript, happens during the climax.  Then there is this little hook after the wind-down in the last paragraph, which could be considered an epiphany.  It includes another change, and then a “no way!”  Is this going to fly in the publisher’s opinion?  Dunno.

I changed my ending a lot in the last year to make sure Magellan changes.  I had him fall in love, I had him not be in love, I had him flat, I dealt with amnesia, I had him accept who he was, I had him outright refuse to be the factotum… yikes what I put this kid though!

Admittedly in the first draft, he really didn’t change at all… at least on the inside.  I didn’t know this was a pre-requisite for story-writing.  Now, I think the change is there.  At least, I THINK THAT’S WHAT I WROTE (Go back and read that post if you don’t remember it)

I hope my stab at an exciting last page didn’t “blow it” but I guess that’s for the publishers to decide.

What about yours?

Jennifer Eaton

10 Comments

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Lesson Twenty-One from a Manuscript Red Line: Common, and Cliché Themes

Posted on December 19, 2011 | 16 comments

This one made me laugh.  There is a point in the Gold Mine manuscript where a secondary lead character finds out that someone is his father.  His reaction is “You’re . . . my . . . father?” (minor action element for dramatic effect). “My father?”

What made me laugh is that the publisher said “This immediately bought to mind Star Wars”

For an intro into where these tips are coming from, please see my post: A Full Manuscript Rejection, or a Gold Mine?  You can also click “Rant Worthy Topics” in my right navigation bar.  Choose “Gold Mine Manuscript” to see all the lessons to date.

Now, I actually did not think “Star Wars” when I read it, but there is another element in this story that has since been removed…  My son and I (he also read the manuscript) were talking about this other element, and my husband said:  “She stole that from Star Wars!”  I was thinking it in the back of my head, but he verbalized it very well.

The problem is, Star Wars is not just a story that was written over thirty years ago.  It is a piece of Americana.  There are too many people in the USA, and in the world, who have seen Star Wars… even memorized it.  You simply CANNOT mess with themes like that anymore, unless you are careful.

Now, is this to say that no person will ever find out about questionable parentage again in literature?  No, of course not.  However, you need to be VERY CAREFUL when you do it.  Like this publisher stated in an earlier post… Find the uniqueness in what is not unique.

You need to make this your own.  When they read your tear-jerking scene, they should see only your characters in their minds, not Luke laying on that platform and then falling down the shaft.  If an element has been used before, and notably so, work that scene harder than any other scene.  Make sure, without a doubt, that the element is now YOURS.  Make them forget all about Luke Skywalker.

 

 Jennifer Eaton

16 Comments

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Editing, Editing, and then, well, MORE EDITING-Advice from Publisher Authors

Posted on December 10, 2011 | 27 comments

At a recent NJ Author’s talk on “Getting Published” (Click here to read my post from that night), many authors on the panel spoke about the importance of editing.  No brainer, right?  Well, you might be surprised.

There are a lot of people out there who have written a “great story” and sent it right out to agents, burned their bridges, and never had a beta read.  I know you are nodding your head.  Hopefully it’s because you KNOW someone, and you are not the culprit.

I ALMOST did this around a year and a half ago (Wow, has it been that long already?)  I finished HIDDEN IN PLAIN SIGHT.  I edited the heck out of it with only my own input, and I was about to send it out.  I had trouble finding someone to read it for me, and I was confident, so I was going to skip this step…. but something told me to go out and find a beta reader.  I found a guy I didn’t know, and we exchanged manuscripts.  That’s when I found out that I had a great story **Yay**, HOWEVER, my presentation stank.

Author Jon Gibbs said “People send their work off too soon” He noted that when we read someone else’s work, we read what they wrote.  (Duh, right?)  Well think this over — When we read our OWN work, we read what we THINK WE WROTE.

How true is this?  I never noticed my lack of setting or character description, because I KNEW what everything looked like.  (Among many other problems my beta reader pointed out)  You really need to get a few people to look at your novel while you are editing to make sure you are writing what you THINK you are writing.  It actually took me about four beta readers to whack me upside the head and set me straight on this.

Jennifer R. Hubbard admitted that she didn’t edit enough when she started out, and that she was getting rejections.  The book she revised 12 times and had others read was the one that got published.  (I guess she is talking about “The Secret Year”)

Danielle Ackley McPhail suggested having different kinds of readers in the editing phase… Beta readers will help make your writing better, and “just plain readers” will tell you if the story flows and is enjoyable.  She also suggested making sure one of your “just readers” is someone who does not normally read your genre to get a different perspective.

So, if you are like me, and have people in your life pushing you to get your stuff out there… stick to your guns.  Do your beta-read drills.  Edit after their comments, and then DO MORE BETA READ DRILLS.

I am excited to say that I am sending out HIDDEN IN PLAIN SIGHT for the third round of beta-reads (and three “just plain readers”) shortly.  After six beta readers, and editing and revising it with reckless abandon for well over a year, I think I’ve finally really written what I think I’ve written.  If not, I have full confidence that my readers will “Let me have it”.

I am going to look for new readers too, so I can get some fresh perspectives.  I am really looking forward to seeing if all this hard work has paid off!

Jennifer Eaton

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Brenda Drake Contest Entry: Can we guess your character’s age?

Posted on December 8, 2011 | 25 comments

Brenda Drake’s blog is hosting a contest on your manuscript’s first 250 words.  The contest is open to all genres.  All you need to do is post your first 250 words on your Blog on December 8th so everyone can read and comment.  You cannot tell the title or genre.  Your work needs to stand on its own.

After you get feedback from your followers and other contestants, make any changes you think are necessary, and when you are ready, email your final entry to Brenda by midnight December 10th.

Finalists will be chosen by Brenda and her gang of word lovers, and the three winners will be chosen by Gabriela Lessa, a professional editor and literary agent assistant

The winners get free editing.  Not too shabby.

Without further ado… here’s the beginning of my novel.

Can you guess my characters age?  If you already know how old he is, does it sound right?

*****************************************************************

“I’m not gonna sit here locked in a closet all day.” Magellan pulled away from his mother, leaving his whimpering brothers and sisters clinging to her skirts.

“Magellan, come back here.”

“No. I wanna hear Dad’s speech.” He pressed his cheek against a large crack in the door and closed one eye.  Sconces lit the long stone hallway that lead to the auditorium. “I wish I could see something.”

“Get back mine scum!” A guard threw something against the door, slamming the wood against his face.

“Ouch,” Magellan rubbed his cheek. “Jerk.”

Footsteps clomped away, and his mother exhaled. “Magellan, your father said…”

“I know what he said.” Magellan furled his eyebrows.  “Right before they locked us in here.”  He flicked a bug from the damp stone wall beside him. “I’m not a baby anymore. I want to help.”

He ran his fingers across the locking plate, and jumped as flames flashed across the metal, spinning and swirling around it.  What was that?  Nothing in the room could have made that reflection.  He wrinkled his nose and reached for the lock again, but it fell right into his hand before he could even touch it.

“What the…” The door swung open by itself.  Magellan gasped.  “What’s going on?”

He leaned out, and carefully considered the three guards arguing at the far end of the hallway.

The Goddess must be with me today! he thought.

He placed his hand on the doorframe, and his mother stood.  “Magellan Talbot, don’t you dare!”

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Lesson Nineteen from a Manuscript Red Line: Don’t annoy the reader

Posted on December 5, 2011 | 11 comments

I giggled when I typed out this heading.  Everyone knows not to annoy their readers, RIGHT?  But can you tell when you might be doing just that?

For an intro into where these tips are coming from, please see my post: A Full Manuscript Rejection, or a Gold Mine?  You can also click “Rant Worthy Topics” in my right navigation bar.  Choose “Gold Mine Manuscript” to see all the lessons to date.

In the Gold Mine Manuscript, before the extraneous POV’s were taken out, the Reader had more information than the Main Character.  The reason this was bad, is that the reader was fully aware of Bad Guy #2, and knew her name.  (Let’s call her Cindy).  So, a hundred or so pages later, when a character starts talking about “Cindy” and the main character says “Who’s Cindy?”  We get that “Duh” feeling followed by a “Been there, done that” when someone explains to him who “Cindy” is.

The publisher said “We need to know what he knows, not what everybody else knows”.

Now in the revise, the Main Character actually witnesses a scene with “Cindy” in it early in the novel.  (although he doesn’t know it’s Cindy yet.)  So, at least he’s seen her and has an idea of who she is.  I haven’t seen how the author works this part out, yet.

The first time I read the passage that the publisher had a problem with, I thought: “I know this already” but I understood the need for another character to tell the MC what was going on.  It was redundant though, and it didn’t feel right.  The new revision, with fewer POVs, and the MC discovering more on his own, should help work around little things like this.

The best thing to do, is not let any one character know more than your Main Character… if it is something that he or she will eventually have to find out.   You don’t want to be in a position of having to bore your reader even for a line or two, while you bring your Main Character up to speed.

Jennifer Eaton

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