Last week I tried something new to get my youngest and middle child to sleep. My 9 year old went to bed right away. My youngest, literally seconds after agreeing to the new incentive, started screaming about it. I did what I needed to do. I gave the “good” mark to the older child, and wrote “No” next to my younger child’s name. The next morning, I received a call at work from my husband… My youngest had checked the chart and saw “no” next to his name. I explained that this was the “First Time Club” and in order to win, you needed to go to bed the first time asked, no exception. (This is what he agreed to seconds before flipping out when I let them know it was bedtime) He was not happy, but the really good thing is he DID NOT FLIP OUT.
Over the weekend, when they would have received the “reward”, there was friction.
“But I was good last night”.
Oh! It’s so hard when they throw the truth at you. Deep breath. “Yes, you were good last night, but you need to go to bed five nights in a row to earn the reward of slumber parties on the weekend.”
Again, the negotiator in me wanted to give in, because he was good… but I stuck to my guns… and neither of us was happy. Hopefully though, what I just taught him is that I will NOT negotiate and give in if he’s only good one day. He needs to be good all the time… Let’s see how it goes.
Follow-up; We received a note from school last night that Littlest Dude has the “opportunity” for remedial reading instruction after school a few days a week. I’m okay with it. I’m just sad because I thought he was getting better. How can a kid that gets 100% on his spelling tests need remedial reading? I guess I need to find time at night to read to him more. ERGH. So hard to find enough time to do everything you need to do.
Follow-up#2: Littlest Dude has to sit at the detention table for the rest of the week at lunch because they asked him to sit down three times. Ugh. How can you coach your kid when you are not there to use the program with him? (And his teacher is not at lunch either) His Dad did the eight step with him when he got home. I hope Little Dude understands.
Lesson 7: How to stop it before it starts: Yes PLEASE! I need some wisdom here!
This gives a set of steps and actions to help your child to NOT have a problem. The scary thing is, this is something I can teach him, and then he has to do it on his own. I am not always going to be there when a friend is mean to him. I am not always going to be there when he wants to run in the cafeteria. This part is HIS.
He was excited to sit down and do this, but by the second question he was over it, and started to act out a bit. I decided to make it more fun by acting out his most recent “problem” the way it happened first, and then we worked on how he could have managed it better. We ended up giggling about it, and practicing the “right way” again. Hopefully, it will work.
It’s up to you now, Littlest Dude.
It sounds like things are going just about the way they should be Jenn. Don’t let the setback in reading get you down. 🙂
Keep at it! You don’t want to slip back to the way things were. I’ll be thinking of you.
Love that you’re finding ways to make it fun . . . you seem sooo good at that:-) It’ll all click for little dude one day–just keep the patience and faith! And I can see him getting 100’s on tests and then needing some extra reading help. It’s not about knowing the words, it’s about understanding what you read. I can have a kid who can “read” 130 words per minute in 3rd grade, but if they can’t answer 2 basic comprehension Q’s at the end of the passage, then they didn’t “read” at all. It’s great the school is offering extra help for free!
Yes, I am totally happy he’s getting the help. I’ll take it whenever I can get it. I was just surprised that he needed it.
Considering how long it takes things to sink in for the “average” child, I’m thinking there are more of these “lessons” to come. But as long as you keep your sense of humor, you are letting him know that you will be firm but still love the petunias out of him. And a lesson from my son’s martial arts teacher has stuck with me. When one of his students called him “mean,” he replied that he was strict. Then he asked them if they knew the difference. When they didn’t he gave them this explanation: If I was being mean, that would mean I didn’t care about you guys. I would only care about myself. When I am strict, that means I care about you now and how you will be in the future. The two things are very different. Keep up the good work!
What an awesome quote! Thanks.
So much for the little guy, as well as for his mom. Patience and persistance are sure to pay off, surely. I think you are doing a great job.
you’ve got the patience of a saint. I hope someday he realizes what a gem he has in you.
Sounds like you’re able to flex and laugh when you need to. And yeah, letting then go is so hard, no matter what. Hope his day went better after your prevention practice.
The hardest part is letting them try, fail or succeed, on their own.
The fact that you both had a giggle is wonderful. I think that humour could be really useful.