I got Attacked by a Turkey. Seriously! For-Real!

I swear. You can’t make stuff up this good. If I wrote this into a book, someone would whack me in reviews: “Nope, it would never happen.”

Well, I’m here to tell you, it did.  And I took a picture to prove it!

So this is what happened.  We were coming home from church and my son looks up from his phone (miracle of miracles) and says, “Umm, why are there turkeys in the road?”

Now, I don’t see the turkeys at first. I’m concentrated on the cars stopped on the other side of the road, but once we get a little closer I say, “It’s probably turkey vultures, I don’t think it could possibly be…”  Yeah, note the drop off there… as in not finishing the sentence?

That’s because as soon as I got close enough, one of the turkeys stopped attacking the car on the other side of the road, turned, and started attacking MY CAR.

Huh?  And, yes, they were actually TURKEYS. I was a little unsure until one opened up its tail-feathers like a peacock. I wish I could have gotten a picture, but I was too busy trying to not hit his mate with my car.

Here are the little buggers, on their way to attack my tires.

Turkey Attack Car 2013

Now, me and the lady on the other side of the road, lucky for these turkeys, were nature lovers, and were trying to let them pass. Of course, they did not want to pass.  They wanted to eat our tires. So we each took turns.  I would drive a few feet, and the birds would leave her car and jump over to attack mine.  As soon as she started moving, they jumped over to attack her.

Now, think this over.  I was leaving church, so there is a long line-up of cars behind me, and cars started lining up behind her in the opposite direction as well.  The guy directly behind her starts honking his horn.

She leans out and yells, rightly so: “Where do you expect me to go!”

Would you believe that guy tried to throttle around her, and actually hit one of the birds?

Big ugly stupid head!

Luckily for the turkey, he had a big breast and kind of just bounced back. (Ha!  The turkey, not the guy)

Finally I was able to get by.  When I reached the next light, the car behind me pulled up and said, “Can you believe that?  I got a picture, cause no one in a million years would believe we got attacked by a couple of turkeys!”

Yep, I agree.

But the biggest turkey was the jerk who didn’t stop. Big stupid too much in a hurry to enjoy nature idiot.

For those of you in the USA (Except for the guy who didn’t stop) Have a WONDERFUL Thanksgiving. And for those of you outside the USA, Nothing’s stopping you for giving thanks for all the wonderful things in your life, too.

And next time a turkey is in the road attacking the car in front of you…

Remember to stop.

What goes around comes around.



25 responses to “I got Attacked by a Turkey. Seriously! For-Real!

  1. Hahaha….We have wild turkeys here and they’re really big! The first time we saw one I was on my back balcony and two houses over there were 2 huge birds in the backyard. I yelled for my husband (because I had NO idea what the hell they were) and he ran out, in his boxer briefs, He said they were wild turkeys and then decided to run two yards over (by the front, and yes, in his underwear) and proceeded to chase the birds until they flew over the fence. I quickly dashed back inside the house and pretended not to know the strange, half naked man in the neighbor’s back yard. Welcome to my world.

  2. Only you, Jenn! Hahaha . . . thanks for the laughs 🙂 You’ll be hearing the heckling sound of Gobble, Gobble in your dreams tonight for sure! Happy*Thanksgiving!!

  3. Must have been wild turkeys. They’re ornery!

  4. “What goes around comes around” … yep, Karma’s a bitch!

  5. My husband had a wild experience with turkeys while driving home from work the other week. There’s a spot where the road is lower than the surrounding area—they cut through a hill instead of going over it. As he drove through that stretch, a flock of turkeys glided from one side of the road to the other, barely high enough to get over the cars. We’ve never seen anything like that before in that area.

    Happy Thanksgiving to you and your family! (But, yeah, maybe not so much to the guy who hates Life….)

  6. Only fun if you have the opportunity to stop. Had the front grill and one headlight of my car destroyed by hitting a turkey flying across the road around a curve. 55mph and a tom turkey does not end well for your grill. Of course he got up and ran off to the other side of the road while I was still wondering WTH just happened.

  7. This is a hilarious story except for the impatient (man) turkey.
    We live on the edge of the burbs. About a good half-mile down the road is a little bit of country: a couple of corn fields and a turkey farm until a couple of years ago. I picked up my grandkids from the school bus and proceeded home. Across the street from our house, a house was overtaken by turkeys: seven or nine of them. One managed to propel himself onto the roof as if this was his new kingdom. I have no idea what happened to them afterwards.

    Odd to have two turkey stories within a week. Maybe they’re the new aliens.

  8. Hilarious! But I thought San Francisco had cornered the market on jerk drivers. Happy Thanksgiving! I’m brining the bird today! Tell that to those aggressive turkeys the next time you see them. 😀

  9. PS. Hope you and your family have a wonderful Thanksgiving. 🙂

  10. Hahaha! This story reminds me of the Thanksgiving episode of WKRP where they thought turkeys could fly and tossed them out of a helicopter as a promotional stunt! Maybe someone tried that somewhere and the turkeys you met were some of the ones who survived such a promotion and are thoroughly pissed – hence the pecking at tires! lol

    Seriously, though, I do agree that the biggest ‘turkey’ was the impatient driver who had no compassion for the fowl couple on the road.

  11. Now this is funny, and what timing too! Happy Thanksgiving right back. Birds do the strangest things sometimes. :0)

  12. 1 check for the turkeys, none for Mr. Jerkwad.

  13. Wow, what a jerk. Can’t believe he didn’t stop.
    He’ll get his… maybe for Thanksgiving a turkey will eat them!

  14. Such a timely turkey attack — like they’re protesting Thanksgiving. 😉

  15. Well it’s a stressful time of year for these poor fellas! 😉