Tag Archives: Gold Mine Manuscript

Lesson Eighteen from a Manuscript Red Line: What makes your story Unique?

Posted on February 16, 2015 | 6 comments

For an intro into where these tips are coming from, please see my post: A Full Manuscript Rejection, or a Gold Mine? You can also click “Rant Worthy Topics” in my right navigation bar. Choose “Gold Mine Manuscript” to see all the lessons to date.

This one might be tough, and was the subject of a one-hour conversation between the author and I as we tried to figure out how to do it.

The Publisher said that the story reminded them of Percy Jackson, and the world seemed too much like the Lord of the Rings. Their comment was that they understood that not all plots are unique, but they want their authors to take what is not unique, and make it unique. They wanted to know what the author could offer in this world that has not already been done, and “why were people on horses and not in cars” (since the story does not take place in the past)

Wow. Tough one.

One of the things that initially drew me to this story was the very “typical” medieval fantasy world. Knights on horses, Kings, Queens, a sorceress, and throw in a few faeries and a centaur for good measure. Simplicity. I really liked it. I read another beta with a similar world, but he threw in these outrageous sci-fi-like creatures that they had to battle, which seemed very out-of genre to me, and ruined an otherwise GREAT story. The Gold Mine Manuscript has a great plot and characters that I can relate to, and it is simple and enjoyable.

But… the publisher wants more.

The author has discussed a few ideas with me. Some seem great. Some make me cringe. I’ve only read the “Act One” revise, so I have not seen too much of the fantasy world yet (Act One takes place in Tennessee) I don’t know what the author is going to do. I am holding my breath and biting my nails. I have the utmost confidence in the author’s ability. I just hope that the simple pure nature of the original story does not get lost in reaching for “uniqueness”

For the rest of us…

How do you know if you story is unique? I think mine is, but I don’t really know. I haven’t read anything like mine, but that doesn’t mean it’s not out there.

I might find a publisher who thinks my ancient flute buildings, next to old Renaissance architecture, next to newer modern buildings is weird. Will I change it? Dunno. They might find it weird that my characters walk everywhere and don’t use cars, but they travel on space ships to other planets. Will I change it? I see no reason to.

There is nothing drastically bizarre about my setting. Yes, it takes place in another galaxy, but the setting is not what my story is about. It is about the characters and interpersonal relationships. It is about a boy who has gads of magical power, but is so afraid of it, that he uses the power to erase his memory. Unfortunately for him, he still needs to save the world. I see no need to distract from my story by making it “freaky” so it seems “different”.

Is your story unique?

This is a tricky question. You won’t really know until you get your manuscript into the hands of a publisher if your story is unique in their eyes.

All I can say is, good luck.

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Tagged editing, Gold Mine Manuscript, jennifer eaton, jennifer M. Eaton, Manuscript

Lesson Seventeen from a Manuscript Red Line: Who are we talking to?

Posted on February 9, 2015 | 10 comments

We’ve been on Point of View for a little while now. No need to break a trend. This particular publisher harped on it a lot, so here I am passing their wisdom on to you. The next POV comment they made was to make sure it is immediately obvious when you start a chapter whose POV you are in.

I was a little surprised by this. One of the things that I admired in the Gold Mine Manuscript, was the beautiful imagery. The author is so much better at building the “view” of the scene for a reader than I am. The problem is, that she did it in the beginning of the chapter. As a reader, you would have to get through the entire description of the room before you found out who was in it.

Honestly, I never even considered this a problem. I liked it so much, that I even tried a few on my own. It sounded weird in my novel, though. My natural instinct was to write “Harris stepped into the room. Pink cascades of fabric surrounded him.” Rather than: “Pink cascades of fabric swirled along the walls, dipping and spinning before the etched windows…etc , etc.

Both of these two examples tell you there was pink fabric hanging from the walls. One just tells you that Harris was in the room. This publisher prefers the first example.

This is really not a tough fix. If you have a flowery, beautiful beginning (Good for you, I stink at this) Anyway… keep your imagery, but introduce the POV character who is seeing the scene, so we know whose “head” we are in.

Happy editing!

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Tagged edit manuscript, editing, editing. manuscript, Gold Mine Manuscript, jennifer eaton, jennifer M. Eaton

Lesson Fifteen from a Manuscript Red Line: How Many POV’s Can You Have?

Posted on January 26, 2015 | 10 comments

At one point in the red-lining of the manuscript, the publisher stopped, and wrote a full page explaining the importance of careful Point of View switching. I’m glad you’re on a computer… It means you’re probably already sitting down. A lot of you might not like this much. I know I didn’t.

The publisher counted nine different POVs in the Gold Mine Manuscript. They said the problem with this is the reader can’t get deep into one character. They realized the author was going to different POVs to give background, but they said that they could not relate to these new characters, because they hadn’t learned enough about them to understand their motives. It makes it very difficult to feel anything for any specific character.

They cautioned against switching to POVs that are not intrinsic to the story just to give background, conflict, or added tension.

The publisher recommended **Gack** editing it to three points of view, one of them being the female character, who had not been a strong POV character in the original.

THAT’S REMOVING 6 POINTS OF VIEW!

Now, I must say that I’ve read a partial revise of the gold mine manuscript. Do not be daunted. I’ve seen that this can be done. If a scene in an “unnecessary POV” has important information in it, you just need to get creative and find a way for the POV characters to be there, or overhear what happened. It’s possible. You just need to broaden the scope of your thinking.

In my next post, I will show you the tool I used to break down my POV characters… and yes, I needed a tool. I was surprised with how many POV’s I had!

Swapping POVs: How to Switch from one POV to Another without a jolt (pronovelist.wordpress.com)
Writers Tips #84: 20 Hints that Mark the Novice Writer (worddreams.wordpress.com)
Pov 101 (smpauthors.wordpress.com)

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Tagged editing, Gold Mine Manuscript, jennifer eaton, jennifer M. Eaton, maniscript, revise, revision

Lesson Fourteen from a Manuscript Red Line: Keeping inside the Point Of View, Part 2

Posted on January 12, 2015 | 7 comments

For an intro into where these tips are coming from, please see my post: A Full Manuscript Rejection, or a Gold Mine? You can also look under “Rant Worthy Topics” in my right navigation bar. Choose “Gold Mine Manuscript” to see all the lessons to date.

Lesson Thirteen talked about making sure we only see what the Point of View character can see. We also have to worry about accidentally getting into the heads of other characters as we describe what the POV character is seeing.

It seems to happen most for me when I describe what another character in the scene is doing.

“Mike studied the sign on the wall.”

Is Mike the POV character? No? Then how does the POV character know that he is studying it? He may just be looking in that direction but thinking of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Right?

Hold up your right hand and say: forever more I will call this…

The publisher red-lined something very similar to this, and said that you need to show what the characters are doing by showing what the POV character sees them doing. You cannot get into their heads, or assume what they are doing.

You might be able to fix something like this with “Mike stood in front of the sign on the wall, and scratched his head.” This would work especially well if there was a little dialog afterwards that made it obvious he looked at it. REMEMBER NOT TO SAY HE LOOKS AT IT. (See my earlier post on “Write without Looking”)

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Tagged editing, Gold Mine Manuscript, jennifer eaton, jennifer M. Eaton, Manuscript, proofreading, red line

Lesson Thirteen from a Manuscript Red Line: Keeping inside the Point Of View, Part 1

Posted on January 5, 2015 | 9 comments

For an intro into where these tips are coming from, please see my post: A Full Manuscript Rejection, or a Gold Mine? You can look under “Rant Worthy Topics” in my right navigation bar. Choose “Gold Mine Manuscript” to see all the lessons to date.

I used to slip out of my POV all the time, and now I am trying to really get my head inside the POV character so I am very aware of them and their surroundings. I used to write partially omniscient, and I could see through walls and such. Silly me.

This publisher noted that when you are in one character’s POV, make sure the narration does not tell something that the POV character cannot see. For instance, if your character looks out the balcony window, thinks it’s a warm wonderful night, and then goes to bed. Don’t Pre-tell with a three sentence closing scene of velociraptors swarming just on the other side of the trees, quarreling about who will get to eat your main character.

Great dramatic effect? Yes, and they use it in movies all the time, but the POV character can’t see it, so it’s a bit strange and out of place, right?

Now, if they heard something in the bushes, a growl, something unsettling… that would work fine. Then let them go off to nighty-night.

The same goes for a passage like “What Jessica didn’t know, was that someone was stealing her car while she put on her makeup.” If we are in Jessica’s POV, this doesn’t quite work. We need to wait and follow Jessica out the door to find out WITH HER that her car was stolen.

Make sense?

Swapping POVs: How to Switch from one POV to Another without a jolt (pronovelist.wordpress.com)

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Tagged editing, Gold Mine Manuscript, jennifer eaton, jennifer M. Eaton, point of view, writing

Lesson Twelve from the Gold Mine Manuscript Red Line: How Are Your Characters Feeling Today?

Posted on December 29, 2014 | 9 comments

“Magellan walked back from the library slowly, feeling exhausted from studying all day.”

Sorry, Gellan. You’re not allowed to “feel exhausted”. I have totally failed you as a mother author. (Don’t you feel like their parents sometimes?) Anyway… .

According to this publisher, Feeling, Felt, and Feel are very telling words. They are right up there with “look” for setting off the “no-no” meter. Instead of using these words, we should be showing our readers how our characters feel instead. Give us actions that show us that he’s tired without telling us that he is.

Errghhh. Okay…

“Magellan dragged his feet as he walked home from the library. He could barely keep his eyes open after studying all day.”

Okay, they are forgiven. Point taken. The second one is better. The word count does suffer a little in this example, but I could probably have done better if I gave it a little more thought. (They might even consider “barely keep his eyes open” as tell. too. I could have probably done better there, as well.)

Another bad telly sentence that I would have been guilty of before seeing the Gold Mine Manuscript was something like:

“Magellan was exhausted. He dragged his feet all the way home”
There is no reason to say “Magellan was exhausted” and SHOW that he is exhausted right afterwards. Just delete that first part, and stick with the showing part and it will sound much better.

This tip, will definitely help make your manuscript stand out from the others. I still have to stop myself from doing this. For some reason, I naturally “tell” First, and then I show. I don’t know why. I’m starting to catch myself, but sometimes it’s tough.

Hope this one helps.

If you don’t get it, please drop me a line, and I will discuss in more depth. I think this is a really good point that a lot of people seem to be stumbling with (me included). I saw it a lot critiquing a recent 250 word contest. Set yourself apart by trying to avoid it.

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Tagged editing, fire in the woods, Gold Mine Manuscript, jennifer eaton, jennifer M. Eaton, Manuscript, polishing

Lesson Eleven from the Gold Mine Manuscript Red Line: Pre-Telling

Posted on December 22, 2014 | Comments Off

Yay!__Gold_Mine_Manuscript_is_back! For an intro into where these tips are coming from, please see my post: A Full Manuscript Rejection, or a Gold Mine?

I’m not sure I completely agree with this from the angle where it’s marked, but I’m mentioning it nonetheless. In the Gold Mine Manuscript, the MC had something weird happen to him. It’s something that could possibly change his life. One chapter ends (paraphrasing) “He had to find the truth. He cleaned up the mess, closed the doors, and formulated a plan.”

The publisher highlighted “formulated a plan” and called it “Pre-Telling.” They said this is telling us what is happening without telling us what “did happen.” They asked the author to look for instances like this in the novel and eliminate them. They wanted her to show them what happened instead.

Now, I read this as a decent chapter close. It left me wondering what the MC was going to do. I think that was the effect that the author was going for. In my mind, it gives you a little push to turn the page. However, my opinion doesn’t really count, does it? They red-lined it.

Do with this what you like. I’ve seen this in published work. Frankly, I didn’t mind it, but somebody “in the know” did. I suppose, like anything else, once we stop using little writing crutches like these, and we see what we can do without them we will realize what better writers we can be. Which, I suppose is what looking at manuscript red-lines like this is all about… even if we don’t necessarily agree.

In some cases, you need to decide what is best for you. However, I would consider trying to write without something like this, and see if you can still get the effect you want without the Pre-Telling. You probably can. If you can’t, and you are unhappy, then maybe you have a decision to make. Just get ready for the red-line (or maybe not… like I’ve said. Some publishers have let this go.)

Hope this helps!

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Lesson Ten from a Manuscript Red Line: Girls Rule and Boys Drool

Posted on December 15, 2014 | Comments Off

For an intro into where these tips are coming from, please see my post: A Full Manuscript Rejection, or a Gold Mine?

Note: Originally posted two years ago. See note at bottom of post…

Let me start out by stating… if your novel has a female protagonist… I HATE YOU.

Well, not really, but I’m jealous. You don’t have to worry about a side-kick, because your Girl-Power is already there. UGH! This is annoying.

My BP and I actually had this conversation months ago. We talked about how annoying it is that publishers all seem to want strong female characters only. Well, at the same time, they are complaining that boys don’t read. Go figure.

Both my BP and I have male MCs (main characters). My BP at least already had a female side kick, but they actually asked her to beef her up and make her one of the main voice characters. She’s working now on making her a more dynamic character. I guess this is a good thing. I like her. She’s a tough cookie, but do we always have to have a girl?

Now, I am a girl, and I happen to like to read books about boys. Boys tend to be stronger, and I don’t have to worry about annoying sappy emotional crap most of the time. [Ha! Since this originally posted, I’ve written FIRE IN THE WOODS. You never know where your muse will take you! ] I’m wondering if more boys actually would read if there was a wider variety of decent novels out there that didn’t force-feed them GIRLS just so the novels would be marketable to a female audience as well. Maybe publishers are shooting themselves in the foot by not letting girl-free novels into the shelves? I guess we will never know.

Yeah, I have to admit that Meagan has gotten more and more page-time in my novel, but I’m trying hard not to let her take over. I’m trying to have her be there, with her own ominous annoying girly agenda, without spoiling the overall plot line. Meagan is a princess and is trying to find a loophole that will let her marry Magellan, a commoner. This actually works in nicely, because it makes the villain (her brother) more and more angry and homicidal every time he sees them together.

Hopefully I don’t have to make her too much more integral than she already is. I want to be published, but I want the story to be intact when I’m done as well. The story is definitely about a confused boy with no memory that has to save the galaxy… It’s not a love story.

Anyway… the point of this all is that publishers are still looking for a strong female presence in works that they are supporting. They simply don’t believe there is enough of a male market of readers out there to support a strictly male protagonist. They said they realized that a writer should not focus on writing to the market only, but it is something that publishers must consider.

Ugh.

Note: I think times have changed somewhat on this. Big houses are still looking for girl books, because that is where the bread and butter is, but the qualified smaller houses are starting to reach more for the boy crowd. I have even seen a few agents interested in finding a good boy’s book. Times change – just go with the flow.

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Tagged editing, fire in the woods, Gold Mine Manuscript, jennifer eaton, jennifer M. Eaton, writing, Writing and Editing

Lesson Nine from a Manuscript Red Line: Written Any Good (Bad) Cliché’s lately?

Posted on December 8, 2014 | 3 comments

For an intro into where these tips are coming from, please see my post: A Full Manuscript Rejection, or a Gold Mine?

I found this photograph on Wikipedia with the definition of Cliché. It’s pretty old, and the copy right is outdated.

You can tell, even with how old this cartoon is, that if they were making fun of some clichés this long ago, what would they think now?

I must admit, I am guilty myself of using the last one. Now that I see it in a picture, I have to giggle. Sometimes, I think you need to have something drawn to see the “funny” in it… Like tossing your head in the air.

The publisher who redlined the Gold Mine Manuscript marked “in a split Second”, “Looked her in the eye”, “Laid low” and “in all shapes and sizes” as clichés. They also said that eyes don’t meet, but gazes can meet. (Can you picture two people’s eyes actually meeting? Now that I have that visual, I stop every time I start typing it.)

Characters Dropping Eyeballs?

There are a lot more that are common, that we probably aren’t even aware we are using. For me, now that I think of it… My characters always drop their eyes. I guess I can change that to “lowered their gaze” since they aren’t actually dropping their eyeballs out of their heads.

I’ll also mention that they weren’t crazy about colloquial expressions either, as they thought they wouldn’t be understood by everyone, so use those sparingly as well.

Write on!

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Tagged Gold Mine Manuscript, jennifer eaton, jennifer M. Eaton, writing, Writing and Editing, Writing help

Lesson Eight from the Manuscript Red-Line: Magically Appearing Items in the Setting

Posted on November 24, 2014 | 3 comments

For an intro into where these tips are coming from, please see my post: A Full Manuscript Rejection, or a Gold Mine?

This is really more like an amendment to Lesson Seven, but I figured I’d call it out separately, just to make it more clear. In Lesson Seven, we discussed how important it is to make sure a character has a reason for doing what they do.

Also watch for “convenient” items popping up out of nowhere. In a recent writers group meeting we discussed this very topic… making sure that a gun doesn’t suddenly appear in the glove compartment of an eighty year old grandmother from Ohio… Silly things like that.

It is easy for a writer to place an item somewhere convenient… but remember to give that item a reason for being there.

Example from my own manuscript:

Meagan has a candle in her room in the end of the novel. It’s very important. It’s never mentioned before, but I talk about it like it’s always been there. I caught mistake after digesting Lesson Seven. I just can’t let the candle suddenly appear like that, and act like it’s always been there.

Convenient fix by me: I needed a new chapter near the beginning of the novel, because I needed a place to SHOW that Meagan realizes that Magellan is supernatural. (This is to avoid a “telly” section later). I placed the scene in Meagan’s room, and actually used the candle as the driving force for that scene. It worked wonderfully, and I killed two problems with one chapter in a neat little
package. (And only about 550 words)

Like magically appearing characters, suddenly appearing items can be distracting, and make you lose credibility. Give important items a reason for being where they are, and keep your settings fluid throughout your novel.