Tag Archives: Gold Mine Manuscript

Lesson Twenty-Nine from a Manuscript Red Line: How’s your synopsis?

Posted on May 18, 2015 | 8 comments

Side note: This is a repost from February of 2012. At that time, I was finishing a novel that I had spent several years on. I smile when I read things I had to say about that story, realizing that I have written six (yes, six) novels since then, and three novellas. I would never have believed that was possible four years ago when I wrote this. –Just crazy.

The publisher talked a lot about the synopsis in the closing comments of the Red-line. I found this really strange, but I thought it had merit to mention it.

For an intro into where these tips are coming from, please see my post: A Full Manuscript Rejection, or a Gold Mine? You can also click “Rant Worthy Topics” in my right navigation bar. Choose “Gold Mine Manuscript” to see all the lessons to date.

The reason I found this strange, was because they’ve already read the manuscript. They’ve already made comments, and asked for it to be re-submitted. Why are they even talking about the synopsis?

What it seemed like to me (being an optimist) is that they were actually being helpful. They probably knew that there was a chance that the author may not make all the changes to their satisfaction, and that she might submit to other avenues. They were nice enough to point out problems with the synopsis that might help her if she sent it somewhere else.

(Honestly, after reading all their synopsis critiques, I was wondering why they even asked for a “full” in the first place. I guess you never know.)

So, this is what they said…

They went through a laundry list of what the story “is not”.

It is not about this, it is not about that either. (Quoting what was mentioned in the synopsis)

It is not a character study on the main character.

The quest is not fleshed out…

These are some of the comments. I am guessing they are saying that the synopsis was too in-depth and talked about the side plots in the story.

I can totally understand this. It took me months of writing and digging and cutting and beta-bashing until I finally realized what my story is about…

Magellan Talbot has to save the world. Too bad he doesn’t know it.

Boom. Done. Now, there is a lot of other stuff going on that is SUPER important and makes the story unique, but you wouldn’t believe how hard it was for me to boil it down to the above. I kept getting bogged down by the details. The crux of the story is simple.

To save the world he has to save the Goddess.
To save the goddess he needs to fight for her.
To fight for her, he needs to find the Rapier.
To find the Rapier, he needs to remember his dreams…
The catch? He can never remember his dreams.
Or anything else about who he really is.

There is also a lot of other stuff going on. There is a love story, and a jealous brother trying to kill Magellan… but simplicity is the key for the synopsis… I need to use only the elements that draw the story forward that are closely attached to Magellan saving the Goddess.

The publisher’s next comment in the Gold Mine Manuscript was “If the story is about saving (the alternate world) then that’s your focus and everything that happens in the story needs to lead to that point. And the synopsis needs to be focused on all the activities that happen to get to that point. Tie in every character that is introduced to get there as well as why and how (the MC) is the true key… build that up and show how that’s important. Show us through actions and scenes that push the story forward.”

After reading this, I think I may have edited my own summary down too far. I bought it down to the bare bones of the fewest characters involved that draw the main plot line forward. And I also think I centered on the WRONG plotline. My current synopsis is straight and to the point, but it is more centered on the jealous brother… which is important, but not the center. I also took out Harris, who is probably equally as important in the novel as Magellan is.

Honestly, I am just not qualified to give anyone advice on a Summary. I am just as lost as the rest of you. I have helped out others with suggestions, because sometimes it is easier to have someone else boil down your story for you. The best I can do is give you the exact quote that the publisher wrote for the Gold Mine Manuscript. (above)

Read their comment over carefully, and do your best with it. And… when you get lost… remember that you have friends in the blogosphere who are always willing to help.

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Tagged ashes in the sky, editing, fire in the woods, Gold Mine Manuscript, how to write a synopsis, jennifer eaton, jennifer M. Eaton, query, synopsis

Lesson Twenty-Eight from a Manuscript Red Line: Very Discreet Point of View Switches

Posted on May 11, 2015 | 1 comment

I’ve talked about this before, but the second time might be a charm. I think a lot of people are having trouble with discreet POV switches. The big ones… where we pop heads for half a chapter are easy to find. The one-liners may be harder to spot.

Let’s go back to my little flash fiction scene. Remember Jason and Eric fighting? Let’s add a line to that. (In bold)

Jason grunted as his fist swung toward Eric’s face. Eric tried to dodge, but instead felt the sting of the older boy’s ring cutting into his jaw. He fell to the floor with a muffled thump, and groaned as he rolled over.

Jason wiped his chin and laughed. “I told you to stay down.”

Eric pushed up onto his knees. “Why, so you can just pummel me?” He popped up and swung at Jason, but missed.

Jason ducked and swung at the same time. There was no time for Eric to react. His head creaked back, and his jaw rattled as he crumpled to the floor.

Jason breathed heavily, mopping the sweat from his brow. He grunted and chose his words carefully. “I told you to stay down, idiot.” He snickered at the pitiful scene before him, and walked away.

There you have a short-one paragraph POV switch. The scene is in Eric’s POV. How would Eric know Jason was choosing his words carefully? How would Eric know he was snickering at how pitiful he looked? (Remember Peanut butter and Jelly Syndrome?) Jason could have just remembered a funny joke. Eric has no idea what he is really thinking.

The reason I used “Chose his words carefully” which might be a little odd in the example above, was because those were the words used in the POV switch in the Gold Mine Manuscript. We were in character #1’s POV, and then another character “chose his words carefully”. They flagged it as a POV switch.

Honestly, before reading their comments, I would have read right over this… I have also seen it in published works, but it is a switch in POV. Do your best to keep an eye out for little things like this. It will set your novel apart.

Hope this helps!

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Tagged ashes in the sky, editing, fire in the woods, Gold Mine Manuscript, jennifer eaton, jennifer M. Eaton, point of view, point of view switching, POV

Lesson Twenty-Six from a Manuscript Red Line: CAPITAL LETTERS

Posted on April 27, 2015 | 5 comments

2015 note: The post below is a reblog from 2012. I wanted to note that my current publisher Month9Books does allow all caps, but they must be formatted as smallcaps. (Check Word formatting) In general, though, I would suggest using with caution, and sparingly. Now on with the post!

Do you use Capital letters when your character yells? Do you use them for casting spells? Do you use them for inner thoughts?

Me? No, Jennifer.

I would never do such a thing!

Well, I might… and I have.

I briefly mentioned CAPS in my first post on the Manuscript Red Line. (That was over Five months ago… Wow) Anyway… here is the explanation. The publisher said:

“The use of capital letters to show emphasis in a scene is not acceptable. Especially don’t use it with magic, since JK Rowling did it that way.” (The Gold Mine author used caps as the character cast his spells) “Come up with something new. This is the key to fantasy – be unique – try not to do what was already done.”

Don’t shoot the messenger… this is their red-line, not mine.

In my novel, the characters don’t cast spells, but I did catch a few YELLING once in a while in CAPITAL LETTERS. I got so used to looking at it that I liked it, but I have to admit, it works much better as “Get out!” rather than “GET OUT!”. I use caps a lot for emphasis in my blog, so they may have wiggled their way into my novel.

For all you spell casters out there: You can do better than JK Rowling. She had her idea. Now you need to come up with yours. What are you going to come up with that everyone else wants to copy?

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Tagged editing, editor, Gold Mine Manuscript, jennifer eaton, jennifer M. Eaton, Manuscript, red line, submission

Lesson Twenty-Five from a Manuscript Red Line: Bullying for Bully’s sake

Posted on April 20, 2015 | 7 comments

“Having a bully for the sake of having a bully is a contrived way of injecting conflict.”

Well, I don’t think I can say it any better than the publisher’s quote above.

There was a bully in the Gold Mine Manuscript that really had no concrete tie to the main plotline. His only reason for being in the story was to have a bully in the Main Character’s “normal” life.

Knowing a little about the plotline after “book one” I do know that the “bully” would have a little more of a role, but overall, he was never really integral to the plot. The author has even mentioned that although she was sad about it, the removal of this character was actually fairly easy.

Why? Because nothing he did was deeply tied into the main plot. When he was gone, the main plot was still solid, and he wasn’t even missed. In fact, after reading a partial re-write a month or so ago… I have to admit that the story is even tighter without him.

Take a look at each character in your novel and ask yourself. “How does this character drive the plot forward?”

If you have to make excuses for why the character is there, it is time to re-think them.

Yes, I know this is hard. I have three in my own story, but I need them for later novels, and I don’t want them to just magically appear.

I know, I know. Yes, I know what you are thinking… I am just admitting the mistakes that I KNOW I am making.

Yeah, I struggle with this stuff, too.

Writing Progress: Week Ending January 21, 2012 (undiscoveredauthor.wordpress.com)

7 Comments

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Tagged editing, Gold Mine Manuscript, jennifer eaton, jennifer M. Eaton, Manuscript

Lesson Twenty-Four from a Manuscript Red Line: Remembering where your characters are

Posted on April 13, 2015 | 8 comments

Do you pay attention to where your characters are in a scene? Are you sure? I thought I was sure too.

Guess what?

The publisher who red-lined the Gold Mine Manuscript pointed out a scene where the two main characters were running side by side away from some danger. All of the sudden, one of them shouted from behind the other one. The comment from the publisher was: “They were together, but you didn’t say he jumped ahead. How then did she get behind?”

I read over this the first time I looked at the red-line, because it seemed like another “duh” comment. However, just a few weeks ago one of my betas pointed out that both my characters were standing right next to each other, and then all of the sudden one walked up to the other from the other side of the room. Why would he walk up if he was already at his side?

Similarly, I recently re-wrote a scene where someone was seated the entire time. In the end, he falls off the chair. I changed it so he stands up early in the scene, but after leaving it for a month, and then looking at the scene again, I noticed that my “standing” character still fell off the chair. Was he standing on the chair? Of course not!

The point of all this is to pay attention to where your character is, and make sure it is consistent throughout the scene. If not, show us the movement. If you don’t, you can unintentionally make your scene comical.

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Tagged editing, Gold Mine Manuscript, jennifer eaton, jennifer M. Eaton

Lesson Twenty-Three from a Manuscript Red Line: Kindle Syndrome

Posted on April 6, 2015 | 2 comments

Does your novel have Kindle Syndrome?

Would you be able to recognize it if it did?

2015 NOTE: Since I wrote this a few years ago, I have now purchased and fallen in love with my e-reader. I have to say that I am note sure that I would find white space a problem … but since it was pointed out, it is at least worth thinking about. But what I DO AGREE WITH is mixing EVERYTHING up with some action. Let’s keep those stories moving!

I read right over this comment at least five times. I do not own a kindle, so I didn’t understand what the publisher was saying. This past weekend, I messed around with my sister’s Kindle. Now this makes sense. Let me explain…

The publisher said: “This is a very long section that takes up two kindle pages of material. Break it up with action and reaction.”

I believe I’ve already blogged about the overall problem of info dumps that go on too long, but this time when I read this comment, the “Kindle” word jumped out at me.

It would be foolhardy for anyone to think that their novels are going to be read 100 % in printed form. In this new era, it’s just not feasible. As we all know, technology has finally taken over the publishing world.

When I beta-read novels, I sometimes blow up the pages and just look at them. If it looks like a text-book, I know there is a problem. People want white-space when they read recreationally. A dense page seems like too much work, right?

Now think about the Kindle (or choose your e-reader)… What does it look like? Do you see a full page like in a book? Unless you are reading on something large, the screen is much smaller than an actual page. A Kindle reader may press the forward button 2-3 times to get through a printed page of material. I checked the word count on the section that they were talking about, and it was 230 words. That’s about one page in a standard book. If you change the type font and make it larger, there would be even more clicks to your page.

Do you really want your reader to click forward 3-4 times and have them still skimming reading the same description?

This is what I am getting at… The importance of White Space

White space is when you can “see the paper” behind your words. White space can be achieved by new paragraphs, but it is done most effectively with dialog sequences. Open up a few novels. You should be able to see what I mean. Your novel should not look like a text-book. If there is dialog, it will look more “interactive”

I know as a reader I like white space. It makes me feel accomplished. True, on a kindle you cannot feel yourself getting to the end of a novel. You might not even know you are at the end until you are there, since there are no page numbers (at least on the one my sister showed me)—so feeling accomplished while reading one must be hard… But because of this, your reader will be effected EVEN MORE by lack of white space, because it will be so much more dramatic on a kindle screen rather than on paper.

I know a lot of you might not care… but I thought this would be worth mentioning. We are living in a new world. We have to consider what your novel will look like on the new media. One or two long dense paragraphs might be fine once in a while, but make sure your scenes are broken up not only for pacing, but to get some of that “all so important” white space.

Amendment: Since writing this post, I was given a Kindle Fire by my wonderful husband, and I am now 75% through my first novel. Now that I am in this “electronic world,” I have to admit that everything I said up above really does apply. Some of the description in the novel I am reading go on for 5 or more kindle pages of dense text. The prose is beautiful, and well written, but to be honest I always start skimming somewhere in the middle of the second kindle page, which is far sooner than I would have on paper.

Also, on the Kindle Fire there are no page numbers, but it does tell you “percentage read” so you do see yourself getting to the end.

For me though, it makes the long descriptions even more monotonous because I like to feel accomplished. I try to read a certain percentage each night, and I don’t know how many pages I have to read to achieve another “percent” read.

Yeah, I’m a nut. But I am sure I am not alone! Have mercy on a nutty reader. Avoid Kindle Syndrome.

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Tagged beta reading, editing, getting published, Gold Mine Manuscript, how to polish a manuscript, jennifer eaton, jennifer M. Eaton, proofreading

Lesson Twenty-Two from a Manuscript Red Line: Does your Protagonist “Grow Enough?”

Posted on March 30, 2015 | 9 comments

2015 comment: Pay careful attention to this one. I think this is one of the most frequently missed aspects in first drafts and first manuscripts. There has to be a reason for your story. Your character must “Grow”.

In the closing comments of the Gold Mine Manuscript, the Publisher who red-lined it noted that the MC didn’t “Grow enough”.

They said the main character does not have a struggle in the story that pulls him from one state of being to another. They thought he was pretty much the same at the end of the novel as he was in the beginning.

I’m not really sure I completely agree about this comment. I saw little changes in the character throughout the novel. I suppose the problem was the presentation of the final scene. The author wound down from a big action scene very well, and in the end, the MC is relaxing and thinking.

I am just guessing here, but maybe the Main Character’s thoughts should have reflected HOW he is changed. Maybe he should be thinking: “Wow, I was such a stuck up prude, and the world used to revolve around me, and now I just put my life on the line and fought an army and stood up for myself to protect a whole kingdom!”

Okay, that was really bad, but do you get my meaning? Again, this is totally a guess, but this publisher is looking for “the change”… What happens to the MC along the journey that makes him or her a better person? This, again, brings me back to my own novel (and you should be thinking about yours)

Does my main character change? Well, yes.

He starts out confident,
Gets ripped away from his family, get unconfident.
He gets the approval of the King, gets confident,
He leaves the King’s house, gets picked on all the time, and gets unconfident again
Finally, in the end, he steps up to the plate, and proves his worth in the climax.

However—does he think about this in the closing scene? Well, no, he doesn’t. But… in the last few lines there is another change that slaps the reader in the face with an “Oh my Gosh!”

My overall change, like in the Gold Mine Manuscript, happens during the climax. Then there is this little hook after the wind-down in the last paragraph, which could be considered an epiphany. It includes another change, and then a “no way!” Is this going to fly in the publisher’s opinion? Dunno.

I changed my ending a lot in the last year to make sure my MC changes. I had him fall in love, I had him not be in love, I had him flat, I dealt with amnesia, I had him accept who he was, I had him outright refuse to be the “chosen one”… yikes what I put this kid though!

Admittedly in the first draft, he really didn’t change at all… at least on the inside. I didn’t know this was a pre-requisite for story-writing. Now, I think the change is there. At least, I THINK THAT’S WHAT I WROTE (Go back and read that post if you don’t remember it)

I hope my stab at an exciting last page didn’t “blow it” but I guess that’s for the publishers to decide.

2015 addendum: Three years after writing this original post, I am VERY conscious of character change. My stories have both a “plot” arc (The exciting stuff that happens in the story) and a “character arc” (How the characters *all of them* change throughout the story.)

Take a good look at your manuscript. How do your primary and secondary characters change as events of the story unfold? Are they the same person?

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Tagged character arc, editing, editing advise, Gold Mine Manuscript, how to edit, how to write a novel, jennifer eaton, jennifer M. Eaton, Manuscript, plotting a novel, story arc

Lesson Twenty-One from a Manuscript Red Line: Common, and Cliché Themes

Posted on March 16, 2015 | 5 comments

This one made me laugh. There is a point in the Gold Mine manuscript where a secondary lead character finds out that someone is his father. His reaction is “You’re . . . my . . . father?” (minor action element for dramatic effect). “My father?”

What made me laugh is that the publisher said “This immediately bought to mind Star Wars”

Now, I actually did not think “Star Wars” when I read it, but there is another element in this story that has since been removed… My son and I (he also read the manuscript) were talking about this other element, and my husband said: “She stole that from Star Wars!” I was thinking it in the back of my head, but he verbalized it very well.

The problem is, Star Wars is not just a story that was written over thirty years ago. It is a piece of Americana. There are too many people in the USA, and in the world, who have seen Star Wars… even memorized it. You simply CANNOT mess with themes like that anymore, unless you are careful.

Now, is this to say that no person will ever find out about questionable parentage again in literature? No, of course not. However, you need to be VERY CAREFUL when you do it. Like this publisher stated in an earlier post… Find the uniqueness in what is not unique.

You need to make this your own. When they read your tear-jerking scene, they should see only your characters in their minds, not Luke laying on that platform and then falling down the shaft. If an element has been used before, and notably so, work that scene harder than any other scene. Make sure, without a doubt, that the element is now YOURS. Make them forget all about Luke Skywalker.

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Tagged editing, Gold Mine Manuscript, jennifer eaton, jennifer M. Eaton

Lesson Twenty from a Manuscript Red Line: Don’t make things so easy

Posted on March 9, 2015 | 6 comments

In the Gold Mine Manuscript, there is a point where the MC is thrust into the magical world. He has been there for a few days, and suddenly he is faced with an animal that can speak to him through their minds.

In concept, this is fine. However, the publisher red-lined that the MC was “too accepting” of this. The MC just jumped in and said “okay, no problem” – well, he didn’t say it that way, but he jumped right on board.

The publisher said that it would be okay for the characters who were born into this world to be fine with this, but the MC should not accept so easily. A few paragraphs later, the MC also tells his friend that there’s nothing to be afraid of, and that he’s harmless… they red-lined that too.

Think of it this way… if you ran into a guy in the street, and just started talking to him for a few minutes, would you be willing to risk your life, and your best friend’s life in trusting this person, or would you be a little wary? Now make this person a really large mythical animal. Getting nervous yet?

Be careful that you don’t put your own knowledge into your character’s heads before that knowledge is learned. You as the author know there is nothing to fear, but to make it realistic, your character’s “trust” needs to be earned to a degree. Let relationships develop so they seem more natural and believable. Don’t take the easy way out to move your story ahead more quickly.

Think over your novel. Have you done anything like this?

6 Comments

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Tagged editing, editing mistakes, Gold Mine Manuscript, jennifer eaton, jennifer M. Eaton

Lesson Twenty-Nine from a Manuscript Red Line: How’s your synopsis?

Posted on March 2, 2015 | 6 comments

The publisher talked a lot about the synopsis in the closing comments of the Red-line. I found this really strange, but I thought it had merit to mention it.

The reason I found this strange, was because they’ve already read the manuscript. They’ve already made comments, and asked for it to be re-submitted. Why are they even talking about the synopsis?

(Honestly, after reading all their synopsis critiques, I was wondering why they even asked for a “full” in the first place. I guess you never know.)

So, this is what they said…

They went through a laundry list of what the story “is not”.

It is not about this, it is not about that either. (Quoting what was mentioned in the synopsis)

It is not a character study on the main character.

The quest is not fleshed out…

These are some of the comments. I am guessing they are saying that the synopsis was too in-depth and talked about the side plots in the story.

I can totally understand this. It took me months of writing and digging and cutting and beta-bashing until I finally realized what my story is about…

Magellan Talbot has to save the world. Too bad he doesn’t know it.

Read their comment over carefully, and do your best with it. And… when you get lost… remember that you have friends in the blogosphere who are always willing to help.