In writing Last Winter Red (Writing to a Deadline) I had one sentence that I KNEW was a POV switch. I read it several times, I knew I had to delete it, but I just couldn’t get the feel I wanted without it. This is the line:
“Sara sat at the end of the table, quietly enjoying the exchange.”
Now, the problem with this line is the entire novelette is written in Emily’s POV. This, if you’ll notice, is Sara’s POV. What I wanted to do in this line, is express that the little girl, Sara is excited that her friend Emily is suddenly getting along with her Dad. (She is observing their conversation)
So I decided to leave the line, and sent it out to my beta readers. Would you believe that five for five of them read right over it? That is how subtle POV switches can be.
Then, of course, the anally talented Ravena drops in with a last-minute beta read. (I mean that lovingly by the way… I count on her for that—um, being anal— not late. :-))
I think she actually cackled… “Ha! Got you! POV switch! You yell at me for this all the time!”
You know what was really funny about this? After I stopped laughing about her response, I looked at the sentence again, and realized I COULD change it to Emily’s POV and still get what I wanted out of the line.
“Sara sat at the end of the table, smiling quietly.”
Now, that may seem brutally obvious with me just handing it to you on a silver platter, but center that line in the text, and try to keep your overall tone, and a little thing like this is hard to come up with.
Sometimes, you just need to be laughed at in order to kick your brain into high gear.
Of course, I am sure some will complain that you don’t need the word quietly at all, that a smile is naturally quiet, but I like the feel of this. If it gets red-lined, I will let you know.