In this hop, participants post 250 words of their work in progress to be critiqued. Then everyone hops around to critique others. Don’t have a post of your own? We’d love a critique anyway! And next time you can sign up yourself (see below)
Okay… Here’s mine. This is the extremely newly revised first 250-ish words of my Young Adult Urban Fantasy “Fire in the Woods.” My goal is to start submitting this to publishers within the next month, so I need these page to really shine!
The bed rumbled beneath me as the shrill scream of jet engines ruined a perfectly good daydream. “Dad! The stinking Air Force is flying over the houses again!” I turned up the volume on my MP3 player, closed my eyes and lost myself in musical bliss—until my pink earphones popped out of my ears.
“I said, what do you expect me to do about it.” Dad dropped the earbuds on my lap and folded his way-too muscular arms.
“I don’t know. You’re the Army, aren’t you? Go invade them or something.”
His lips set as his eyebrows rose, twitching the spikey hairs where a normal person’s bangs would be. “Invade them?”
“I don’t know. Do something. It’s annoying.”
A smile crossed his lips. “How about we…”
The room rattled around us as the engines of another plane throttled overhead, followed by another. Dad crouched as if ducking, his six-foot body instantly folding with military precision.
I pulled my pillow tightly to my thin frame. “What…”
“Shhh.” His hand shot out, silencing me instantly as a rattling resonance echoed through my open window. “That sounds like…” His eyes widened. “Jess, get down!”
A huge boom throttled my ears, barraging my mind with an infestation of sound. Dad’s hand gripped my arm, pulling me to the floor before he shielded my body with his own.
The ground shook, and a soda can shimmied off my dresser, smashing to the floor and fizzling all over the carpet. I slammed my palms over my ears, cringing as the explosion quaked the walls around us.
The Sunday Snippets Critique Blog Hop is on!
Want to join up? Click here for the rules, and leave a comment to have your name added to the list. The more the merrier!
Click on over to these great writers to check out and critique what they’ve posted!
- Sunday Snippets Critique Blog Hop (mandyevebarnett.com)
- Entry the First, In Which Proust’s Playlist is Born, Sunday Snipets Critique Blog Hop (mermaidssinging.wordpress.com)