Tag Archives: Sunday Snippets Critique Blog Hop

Sunday Snippets? Ugh. Not this week. Sorry. [Sad face]

Posted on June 2, 2013 | 7 comments

Seven rounds of edits on Paper Wishes. Two Rounds of edits on The First Day of the New Tomorrow, and THREE WEEKS of Query Hell.

Sorry, but I am just WHIPPED. I have not even thought about Optimal Red in a month.  Well, I thought about it.  I even signed up far a “Mini Nano” challenge for 1000 words a day starting tomorrow, but if I don’t get this Fire in the Woods query figured out, there is no new writing for me.

Ugh_Back_to_the_drawing_boardUgh.  Anyone wanna write my query for me?  Pleeeeeeeese?

But please hop around to anyone who IS posting and give them a friendly critique. Someday I’ll get back to this, I promise.

swish swivel squiggle 2

The Sunday Snippets Critique Blog Hop is on!

Want to join up? Click here for the rules, and leave a comment to have your name added to the list.  The more the merrier!swish swivel squiggle 2

Click on over to these great writers to check out and critique what they’ve posted!

Note:  Those who have not been participating have been removed.

http://mermaidssinging.wordpress.com/

http://caitlinsternwrites.wordpress.com/

http://ileandrayoung.com

http://jennykellerford.wordpress.com

https://jennifermeaton.com/

http://richardleonard.wordpress.com

http://jordannaeast.com

http://itsjennythewren.wordpress.com/

http://wehrismypen.wordpress.com

http://jlroeder.wordpress.com

http://letscutthecrap.wordpress.com/

http://ashortaday.wordpress.com

http://mandyevebarnett.com/

http://www.michellezieglerauthor.com

http://joeowensblog.wordpress.com/

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Critique Blog Hop – Page Three of my new novel “Optimal Red”

Posted on May 19, 2013 | 6 comments

Sunday_SnippetsI’ve been quite remiss about Sunday Snippets recently.  I’m sorry. 😦

I’ve been in an editing frenzy finishing my novel Fire in the Woods (This week I will start working on the query. Yay!)

I’ve also been doing edits for my publisher for Paper Wishes.

I haven’t gone back to think about Henry at all, and it will probably be a little while before I get there.  But in the mean time, here is the next page from Optimal Red.

As a refresher, Henry just left his house to go meet his soon to be wife.  His Mom prods him to make sure the new Misses gets pregnant tonight.  As Henry walks, he remembers his recently deceased father.  Here’s the next page!

Enjoy!__-)

As Henry approached the lifts, a woman with sandy blonde hair stood from her desk and greeted him with a brilliant smile.  “Good morning, Sir.” She held out a smoky glass pad.  “Identification, please.”

Henry reluctantly placed his hand on the panel.  Before today, he’d been considered a minor, and one of his parents would have given their identification.  He’d never placed his own palm on one of the devices.  A tone sounded, and he drew his fingers back.

“Happy birthday, Sir,” The woman said. “One moment please, and I will fetch a lift to Sigma Central.” Her fingers tapped gracefully across her console.

“Do you know what I should do when I get there?”

“There will be another guide to meet you when you step out.  No worries, Sir.”

The large silver doors behind her split apart, revealing a small square room encased in silver and glass, not much larger than a lavatory. His footsteps created an echo as he strode inside.

Trepidation fluttered within Henry’s chest as the doors closed behind him.  What would happen? Would the walls move? Should he touch one of the buttons?

The floor seemed to fall out from beneath him.  He cried out as he grabbed the wall with one hand, the other reaching for his stomach as is muscles bottomed out. He whirled in the car, and jumped away from the glass window as he passed down through an open area of tall trees and plants.  The room expanded beyond his field of vision, and then disappeared as he fell into another cement expanse.

swish swivel squiggle 2

The Sunday Snippets Critique Blog Hop is on!

Want to join up? Click here for the rules, and leave a comment to have your name added to the list.  The more the merrier!swish swivel squiggle 2

Click on over to these great writers to check out and critique what they’ve posted!

Note:  Those who have not been participating have been removed to save on critiquer’s “click” time.

http://mermaidssinging.wordpress.com/

http://caitlinsternwrites.wordpress.com/

http://ileandrayoung.com

http://jennykellerford.wordpress.com

https://jennifermeaton.com/

http://richardleonard.wordpress.com

http://jordannaeast.com

http://itsjennythewren.wordpress.com/

http://wehrismypen.wordpress.com

http://jlroeder.wordpress.com

http://letscutthecrap.wordpress.com/

http://ashortaday.wordpress.com

http://mandyevebarnett.com/

http://www.michellezieglerauthor.com

http://joeowensblog.wordpress.com/

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Do you have a second to see if this works?

Posted on May 4, 2013 | 15 comments

This is going to be a tad longer than a normal Sunday Snippet.  Sorry, but I need a few last-minute set of eyes.

Fire in the Woods is days from being done, and I decided I needed to add a little something, and I don’t want to send the work out to query without another few opinions on this.

I am adding a phone call/message from Dad.  A beta mentioned that if their daughter were missing that they would be ringing her cell phone off the hook.  I added a ringing phone, but I now decided to add a message, and I need to know if it’s believable.

Here’s the set-up:  You are a Dad, and a Major in the Army.  Your daughter just took off with Public Enemy Number One.  There is a huge manhunt going on. She’s not answering her phone. Does this sound like a believable message to leave on her cell phone? (From Jess’s point of view)

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My fingers tightened on my phone as I began to slip it into my pocket.  The thought of the message from unavailable tightened my chest.  What if it was Dad?

“David, hold on for a second.”

I leaned against the back of the building and turned on my phone. David propped himself beside me and grabbed a banana from the bag.  He perused each end, and I quickly opened it for him.

He smiled.  “Thanks.”

I moved past Maggie’s message, touched unavailable, and brought my phone to my ear.

My father’s sigh tore my soul in two.

“I guess I can’t blame you for not answering.” A slight hum vibrated the casing against my cheek. “I saw the surveillance footage, and it’s pretty obvious you’re not a hostage. I can only imagine what he told you to make you trust him.” I glanced at David as he chewed his banana.  Dad’s voice quavered. “Sweetheart, you need to understand that he is a soldier, wounded behind enemy lines. He is not above lying to a seventeen-year-old girl to get what he wants.” I could imagine Dad pacing the floor, rubbing his hand across his tightly cropped head.  “Jess, you’ve always been like your mother, and I know there’s no changing your mind once you’ve made it up, so I’m not going to bother asking you to turn him in.”

Really? You gotta be kidding me.

“But what I do want is for you to get away from him. Just wait for him to be distracted and run as fast as you can.” I could almost sense him gritting his teeth.  “We will find him, Jess. And you know that I’m not going to sleep until you’re safe.” Muffled voices spoke in the background behind my father’s steady breathing.  “Please come back.  I can’t lose you, too.”

The call ended, and I powered down my phone.  I stared at the blank screen as my father’s words bled into me.

I can’t lose you, too.

I’d never considered the possibility of anything bad actually happening to me. I was safe with David, wasn’t I?

David popped the last of the banana into his mouth and tossed the rest into the trash beside a loading dock. What would happen if the Army cornered us?  Would there be shooting? Would David protect me, or use me as a shield?

David slipped his hands into his pockets as he strolled back to me, his smile easing any uncertainty.

My conscience fought to call Dad— to let him know everything would be all right, but I knew he’d just try to convince me to come home. I slipped the phone into my pocket.

“Are you all right?” David asked.

I nodded, biting my lip as Dad’s voice haunted me. You know that I’m not going to sleep until you’re safe.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.  Sorry, Dad.

“We need to find a place to hide for the night.”

swish swivel squiggle 2

The Sunday Snippets Critique Blog Hop is on!

Want to join up? Click here for the rules, and leave a comment to have your name added to the list.  The more the merrier!swish swivel squiggle 2

Click on over to these great writers to check out and critique what they’ve posted!

Note:  Those who have not been participating have been removed to save on critiquer’s “click” time.

http://mermaidssinging.wordpress.com/

http://caitlinsternwrites.wordpress.com/

http://ileandrayoung.com

http://jennykellerford.wordpress.com

https://jennifermeaton.com/

http://richardleonard.wordpress.com

http://jordannaeast.com

http://itsjennythewren.wordpress.com/

http://wehrismypen.wordpress.com

http://jlroeder.wordpress.com

http://letscutthecrap.wordpress.com/

http://ashortaday.wordpress.com

http://mandyevebarnett.com/

http://www.michellezieglerauthor.com

http://joeowensblog.wordpress.com/

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Writer’s Retreat! and Sunday Snippets Critique Hop

Posted on April 28, 2013 | Comments Off on Writer’s Retreat! and Sunday Snippets Critique Hop

Hello from the woods!  Okay, that’s a lie.  There’s no internet where I am, I scheduled this ahead.

I’m out on a writer’s retreat this weekend making some serious word-count damage to my new novel Optimal Red.  Three days of uninterrupted writing bliss!  Yahoooo!

I’m not available to critique this week, but that doesn’t mean everyone else can’t play.  Check out these great writers below to see if they posted this week, and I’ll see you on Monday.  🙂

 

Sunday_SnippetsOh Yeah!

It’s the Sunday Snippets

Critique Blog Hop!

.

In this hop, participants post 250 words of their work in progress to be critiqued.  Then everyone hops around to critique others.  Don’t have a post of your own?  We’d love a critique anyway!  And next time you can sign up yourself (see below)

swish swivel squiggle 2

The Sunday Snippets Critique Blog Hop is on!

Want to join up? Click here for the rules, and leave a comment to have your name added to the list.  The more the merrier!swish swivel squiggle 2

Click on over to these great writers to check out and critique what they’ve posted!

Note:  Those who have not been participating have been removed.

http://mermaidssinging.wordpress.com/

http://caitlinsternwrites.wordpress.com/

http://ileandrayoung.com

http://jennykellerford.wordpress.com

https://jennifermeaton.com/

http://richardleonard.wordpress.com

http://jordannaeast.com

http://itsjennythewren.wordpress.com/

http://wehrismypen.wordpress.com

http://jlroeder.wordpress.com

http://letscutthecrap.wordpress.com/

http://ashortaday.wordpress.com

http://mandyevebarnett.com/

http://www.michellezieglerauthor.com

http://joeowensblog.wordpress.com/

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Sunday Snippets Critique Blog Hop: The Second (x2) 250 Words of my New Novel, OPTIMAL RED

Posted on April 21, 2013 | 8 comments

Sunday_SnippetsOh Yeah!

It’s the Sunday Snippets

Critique Blog Hop!

.

In this hop, participants post 250 words of their work in progress to be critiqued.  Then everyone hops around to critique others.  Don’t have a post of your own?  We’d love a critique anyway!  And next time you can sign up yourself (see below)

swish swivel squiggle 2

Here we have the revised second page of my new novel Optimal Red, which is the sequel to LAST WINTER RED from the Make Believe Anthology.

I added a little imagery since last posting it.  Does it help to pull you deeper into Henry’s world?

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Henry took a deep breath and took in the room around him. The unembellished gray walls had always provided a sense of comfort and security. The thought of leaving this safe haven sent a whisper of butterflies through his stomach.  How long would it be before he would see this room again, before he’d see his mother and siblings again?  Weeks? Months?

A stiff jerk tested his posture as his mother gave a final tug on his shirt.  “There.  Your wife will be pleased.”

He brushed his lips against her forehead.  “I will make you proud, mother.”

She nodded, walking him to the door.  “Be sure that you do.”

The finality of leaving his childhood home tingled in the air as the door slid shut behind him. Longs days of carefully structured lessons and exercise had prepared him for this day. But fear, rather than excitement had greeted him as first light woke him this morning.

Where would he live? Would his wife be pleased with him? What would he say when they were introduced? He rubbed his temples and steadied himself. His questions could only be answered by living the life he’d been born for.

The stark gray hallway echoed with his solitary footsteps.  Any other day he would have walked toward the right, to the common rooms and study areas.  Only once before had he taken the left passage, walking the long, seldom-traveled hallway that lead to the lower regions of Terra.  He’d accompanied his father that day, seeing him off to his new assignment in the agricultural center.  Henry had bubbled with excitement, not knowing that his father would never return.

Luckily for the family, his father had the chance to validate himself eight times before his death.  While hardly a large family, eight children, all rated Red, was still an agreeable showing for the council.

swish swivel squiggle 2

The Sunday Snippets Critique Blog Hop is on!

Want to join up? Click here for the rules, and leave a comment to have your name added to the list.  The more the merrier!swish swivel squiggle 2

Click on over to these great writers to check out and critique what they’ve posted!

Note:  Those who have not been participating have been removed.

http://mermaidssinging.wordpress.com/

http://caitlinsternwrites.wordpress.com/

http://ileandrayoung.com

http://jennykellerford.wordpress.com

https://jennifermeaton.com/

http://richardleonard.wordpress.com

http://jordannaeast.com

http://itsjennythewren.wordpress.com/

http://wehrismypen.wordpress.com

http://jlroeder.wordpress.com

http://letscutthecrap.wordpress.com/

http://ashortaday.wordpress.com

http://mandyevebarnett.com/

http://www.michellezieglerauthor.com

http://joeowensblog.wordpress.com/

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Sunday Snippets Critique Blog Hop: The Second 250 Words of my New Novel, OPTIMAL RED

Posted on April 7, 2013 | 10 comments

Sunday_SnippetsOh Yeah!

It’s the Sunday Snippets

Critique Blog Hop!

.

In this hop, participants post 250 words of their work in progress to be critiqued.  Then everyone hops around to critique others.  Don’t have a post of your own?  We’d love a critique anyway!  And next time you can sign up yourself (see below)

swish swivel squiggle 2

Here we have the second 250 words of my new novel Optimal Red, which is the sequel to LAST WINTER RED from the Make Believe Anthology.

Like the first set, this has not been proofed.  I have not gone back to it since I first wrote it, so slash away!  What’s missing?  What do I need to expand upon?  Are you connecting with the characters?

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Henry took a deep breath and took in the room around him.  How long would it be before he would see this room again, before he’d see his mother and siblings again?  Weeks? Months?

A stiff jerk tested his posture as his mother gave a final tug on his shirt and plastered it against his waist.  “There.  Your wife will be pleased.”

He brushed his lips against her forehead.  “I will make you proud, mother.”

She nodded, walking him to the door.  “Be sure that you do.”

The stark gray hallways echoed with his solitary footsteps.  Any other day he would have walked toward the right, to the common rooms and study areas.  Only once before had he walked to the left, taking the long gray hallway toward the unknown. It had been to see off his father when he’d been asked to work in the agricultural center—the last day they’d seen before news of the terrible accident.

As Henry approached the lifts, a woman with sandy blonde hair stood from her desk and greeted him with a brilliant smile.  “Good morning, Sir.” She held out a smoky glass pad.  “Identification, please.”

Henry reluctantly placed his hand on the pad.  Before today, he’d been considered a minor, and one of his parents gave their identification.  He’d never placed his own palm on one of the devices.  A tone sounded, and he drew his hand back.

“Happy birthday, Sir,” The woman said. “One moment please, and I will fetch a car to Sigma Central.”

“Do you know what I should do when I get there?”

“There will be another guide to meet you when you step out.  No worries, Sir.”

swish swivel squiggle 2

The Sunday Snippets Critique Blog Hop is on!

Want to join up? Click here for the rules, and leave a comment to have your name added to the list.  The more the merrier!swish swivel squiggle 2

Click on over to these great writers to check out and critique what they’ve posted!

Note:  Those who have not been participating have been removed.

http://mermaidssinging.wordpress.com/

http://caitlinsternwrites.wordpress.com/

http://ileandrayoung.com

http://jennykellerford.wordpress.com

https://jennifermeaton.com/

http://richardleonard.wordpress.com

http://jordannaeast.com

http://itsjennythewren.wordpress.com/

http://wehrismypen.wordpress.com

http://jlroeder.wordpress.com

http://letscutthecrap.wordpress.com/

http://ashortaday.wordpress.com

http://mandyevebarnett.com/

http://www.michellezieglerauthor.com

http://joeowensblog.wordpress.com/

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Sunday Snippets Critique Blog Hop: The First 250 Words of my New Novel, OPTIMAL RED

Posted on March 24, 2013 | 19 comments

Sunday_SnippetsOh Yeah!

It’s the Sunday Snippets

Critique Blog Hop!

.

In this hop, participants post 250 words of their work in progress to be critiqued.  Then everyone hops around to critique others.  Don’t have a post of your own?  We’d love a critique anyway!  And next time you can sign up yourself (see below)

swish swivel squiggle 2

All right.  Call me crazy… but I don’t have anything else to post… So I am posting the first 250 words of my new novel which is the sequel to LAST WINTER RED from the Make Believe Anthology.

I just wrote this about three hours ago, and it has not been proofed.

Yeah.  I’m nuts.

What I’m looking for is world-building.  Can you feel the world? There is no scenery yet.  What would you like to see in this scene to help you visualize?

This is a sequel.  For those of you who have read LAST WINTER RED: Does this draw you right back into that world?

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“It’s not every day a man gets to meet his wife. You should be excited.”

Henry smoothed the red cuffs accenting his tapered black shirt.  “I am, Mother. But this is the most important day of my life. I’m a little nervous.”

“Pish.  Today you are just getting married.  Nine months from now, when you validate yourself with your first child—that will be the most important day of your life.” She brushed non-existent lint from his shoulders.

“Of course mother.” Henry held perfect, stiff posture as his mother moved around him, her long red skirt shifting at her ankles as she straightened every seam.

“There.” She stepped back, smiling.  “As perfect as any young Red could be—and so handsome.”

“I’m sure I’m no more handsome than any other, mother.”

She shook her head.  “Nonsense.  You are ten times the Red of any of your siblings.  You’ll be wed highly.  I guarantee it.”

She picked up a pitcher from the table and poured two glasses of water.

“Were you frightened, Mother, on your wedding day?”

“Frightened? No, of course not.  Excited was more the word.  This is the day all Reds are born for—to finally have the opportunity to join society, to add your distinction to the world.  Your father and I validated ourselves on our wedding day, you know.”

Henry bit back his laugh.  “Yes, Ma’am, you’ve told us all many times.”

She handed him a glass.  “None of your siblings have granted our family the prestige of a wedding day conception.  I look forward to good news tomorrow morning.”

“I will do my best, Mother.” He bowed his head.

swish swivel squiggle 2

The Sunday Snippets Critique Blog Hop is on!

Want to join up? Click here for the rules, and leave a comment to have your name added to the list.  The more the merrier!swish swivel squiggle 2

Click on over to these great writers to check out and critique what they’ve posted!

Note:  Those who have not been participating have been removed.

http://mermaidssinging.wordpress.com/

http://caitlinsternwrites.wordpress.com/

http://ileandrayoung.com

http://jennykellerford.wordpress.com

https://jennifermeaton.com/

http://richardleonard.wordpress.com

http://jordannaeast.com

http://itsjennythewren.wordpress.com/

http://wehrismypen.wordpress.com

http://jlroeder.wordpress.com

http://letscutthecrap.wordpress.com/

http://ashortaday.wordpress.com

http://mandyevebarnett.com/

http://www.michellezieglerauthor.com

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Sunday Snippets Critique Blog Hop #5

Posted on February 24, 2013 | 9 comments

Sunday_Snippets

Oh Yeah!  It’s the  Sunday Snippets Critique Blog Hop!

In this hop, participants post 250 words of their work in progress to be critiqued.  Then everyone hops around to critique others.  Don’t have a post of your own?  We’d love a critique anyway!  And next time you can sign up yourself (see below)

swish swivel squiggle 2

Okay… Here’s mine.  This is 250 words of my YA Urban Fantasy: “Fire in the Woods”.  Jess and David are running for their lives, so why not jump onto a speeding train?

This is an awesome exercise, because reading this back, I just noticed I used “onslaught” twice in this segment.  Yeas, I will change that.swish swivel squiggle 2

“Hold on,” David screamed into my ear.  He turned toward the train, bracing himself.

Terror inched into my soul. “Oh God. David, please don’t…”

His feet left the ground and my stomach lurched as we rocketed through the air.  My world became an onslaught of sound and throttling wind.  I gritted my teeth against a scream building inside me, praying with all my might as we slammed against the side of the speeding train.

I buried my head in David’s neck.  Tears streamed from my eyes and flew through the air—never having the chance to dampen my cheeks as they ripped into the wake of the speeding train.  David’s knuckles wrapped around a metal bar on the side of the door. We swung manically, bobbing up and down across the cold metal.  My bones slammed against steel, skin and muscle unable to protect them from the tremulous onslaught of bodies banging against metal.

“Hang on!” David growled as we jolted and swung, our bodies flailing away from the train before barreling back towards the rigid steel.  I lifted my face, my skin burning and tearing from the wind’s merciless bite.

I struggled to open my eyes against the wind pressure.  David hung to the side of the locomotive with one hand while the other clutched my back. Another jolt sent us smashing back into the metal frame, David taking most of the blow.

“Oh God!” I could do nothing but pray as my tear filled eyes struggled to focus.

[Note:  Wow — I see so much wrong with this taking it out of the novel.  I’m so glad I did this.  This definitely needs re-writing, but hack away!  What do you see?]

swish swivel squiggle 2

The Sunday Snippets Critique Blog Hop is on!

Want to join up? Click here for the rules, and leave a comment to have your name added to the list.  The more the merrier!swish swivel squiggle 2

Click on over to these great writers to check out and critique what they’ve posted!

Note:  Those who have not been participating have been removed.

http://mermaidssinging.wordpress.com/

http://caitlinsternwrites.wordpress.com/

http://ileandrayoung.com

http://jennykellerford.wordpress.com

https://jennifermeaton.com/

http://richardleonard.wordpress.com

http://jordannaeast.com

http://itsjennythewren.wordpress.com/

http://wehrismypen.wordpress.com

http://jlroeder.wordpress.com

http://letscutthecrap.wordpress.com/

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Sunday Snippets Critique Blog Hop #4

Posted on February 17, 2013 | 17 comments

Sunday_Snippets

Oh Yeah!  It’s the  Sunday Snippets Critique Blog Hop!

In this hop, participants post 250 words of their work in progress to be critiqued.  Then everyone hops around to critique others.  Don’t have a post of your own?  We’d love a critique anyway!  And next time you can sign up yourself (see below)

swish swivel squiggle 2

Okay… Here’s mine.  This is 250 words of my YA Urban Fantasy: “Fire in the Woods”.  Right before this scene, our MC Jess runs into the woods chasing a deer. (That is the”buck” mentioned in the last line) Then all of the sudden…

swish swivel squiggle 2

A screeching noise filled the forest, swirling like a smoke alarm gone haywire.  A hollow hum developed behind the squawking invasion as a jolt of stabbing pain tore into my brain.  I slammed my hands against my ears, but I couldn’t fight the drills boring inside me. Head pounding, I cried out in agony, but I my own voice fell victim to the onslaught of vibrations exploding through my cranium.

I dropped to my knees.  “Please stop!  Make it stop!”

The squalling reverberated, encompassing everything.  Tears pooled in my eyes, blurring my vision before trailing down my cheeks. I cried out in misery, until it stopped abruptly.

I shook, reeling from the sudden silence.  A faint hum lingered, a frightening reminder of the noise’s intensity.  Hands still covering my ears, I sucked in a careful, short breath and slowly dared another.  Holding as still as possible, I braced for another auditory attack, and thanked the Lord when it didn’t come. I scanned the trees, at a loss as to what could have made such a noise.

Sobbing, I blinked back fresh tears, and wiped my cheek clean.  A leaf fell to the ground at my feet, but the rest of the forest remained motionless.  The chirping birds had vanished. Nothing stirred to disrupt the eerie quiet—not even a gentle rustle of the wind.

I spun, startled by a thrash behind a large fallen tree.  Ignoring the instinct to flee like the buck, I inched forward and peeked over the log.

swish swivel squiggle 2

The Sunday Snippets Critique Blog Hop is on!

Want to join up? Click here for the rules, and leave a comment to have your name added to the list.  The more the merrier!swish swivel squiggle 2

Click on over to these great writers to check out and critique what they’ve posted!

Note:  Those who have not been participating have been removed.

http://mermaidssinging.wordpress.com/

http://caitlinsternwrites.wordpress.com/

http://ileandrayoung.com

http://jennykellerford.wordpress.com

https://jennifermeaton.com/

http://richardleonard.wordpress.com

http://jordannaeast.com

http://itsjennythewren.wordpress.com/

http://wehrismypen.wordpress.com

http://jlroeder.wordpress.com

http://letscutthecrap.wordpress.com/

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Critique Blog Hop #3 – 250 words from my YA Urban Fantasy

Posted on February 10, 2013 | 8 comments

Sunday_Snippets

Oh Yeah!  It’s the  Sunday Snippets Critique Blog Hop!

In this hop, participants post 250 words of their work in progress to be critiqued.  Then everyone hops around to critique others.  Don’t have a post of your own?  We’d love a critique anyway!  And next time you can sign up yourself (see below)

swish swivel squiggle 2

Okay… Here’s mine.  This is the second 250 words of my new YA Urban Fantasy: “The First Day of the New Tomorrow”.  In the First 250 words, Maya is in the bathroom getting ready for school.  She put on her glasses, and her vision got blurry.

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“What the…” She grabbed the counter and pulled the metal frames from her face.  The room slipped into perfect crisp focus again.  Three slow breaths calmed her only slightly.

A ray of sunshine poked through the white lace curtain, landing on a towel beside the bathtub.  A spider web clung to the ceiling, holding more dust than forgotten prey.  Three nails popped through the wall near the door—all normal things, except she could see them clearly—just as clearly as she could see her glasses perched on the counter before her.

“Okayyy…”  She lifted the spectacles to her eyes, crinkling her nose as the world blurred before her. She stared at the lenses.  “Teenager’s eyesight clears up overnight.  News at eleven.”  She smiled and slipped the glasses into her pocket.  “I’m certainly not complaining.”

She trudged down the stairs and found her mother’s obligatory, “Don’t forget to eat breakfast” note fastened to the refrigerator door—as if she’d even look at the fridge if she weren’t already in breakfast mode.

Rifling past the food savers and soda cans, she sighed.  Would a few eggs be too much to ask for? She grabbed the milk and closed the door.  Cereal would have to do.  Spinning, she pursed her lips, seeing the nearly empty Cheerios container on the counter.  Great.  Eat breakfast, but I’m not leaving anything for you to eat.

She reopened the refrigerator and startled.  Three eggs lay beside last night’s spaghetti sauce, neatly balancing on the wired shelving.  How the heck could she have missed them before?

“Okay, eggs it is.”

swish swivel squiggle 2

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