Tag Archives: critique group

Sunday Snippets Blog Hop #7 – A scene from Fire in the Woods

Sunday_SnippetsOh Yeah! It’s the Sunday Snippets Critique Blog Hop!

In this hop, participants post 250 words of their work in progress to be critiqued.  Then everyone hops around to critique others.  Don’t have a post of your own?  We’d love a critique anyway!  And next time you can sign up yourself (see below)

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I think if I look at this passage one more time I’m gonna puke… so I’m going to make YOU GUYS look at it.  This is a scene from “Fire in the Woods” that I’ve edited to death this week.  What do you think?

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The underbrush shuffled.  I gasped as fingers dug into my flesh.  My body lifted into the air, and my lungs struggled against an overwhelming pressure against my ribs. The moon sank behind the clouds, darkening the forest and hiding my captor.  Held from behind, I struggled and kicked.  “Let go!”

I twisted and tugged.  My feet dragged across the forest floor as someone pulled me further from David’s shivering form.  Another set of arms shot out of the dark and clutched my hands, tying my wrists together with a coarse rope before drawing me into the air.

The pressure against my sides subsided, and I drew in a deep breath.  My shoulders burned and screamed from the strain as they maneuvered my hands over a tree branch and hung me like a Christmas ornament.  “What are you doing? Let me down!”

I trembled as the cloud cover shifted.  The trees, like sharp shadows, seemed to lean towards me, watching.  A large broad man walked away, his gait somewhat familiar. A woman adjusted my bindings, her face partially covered by a fuzzy-edged hood.

“What do you want?”  I asked.

Her silence hung in the air like a veil.  She either didn’t hear me, or didn’t care that I spoke.   Sweat ran down my temples as she turned and joined her friend.  I writhed in my bindings.

My captors brushed the dirt with their hands before gathering something from the woods, stacking it on the ground.

“Please, let me go.  I didn’t do anything.”

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The Sunday Snippets Critique Blog Hop is on!

Want to join up? Click here for the rules, and leave a comment to have your name added to the list.  The more the merrier!swish swivel squiggle 2

Click on over to these great writers to check out and critique what they’ve posted!

Note:  Those who have not been participating have been removed.

http://mermaidssinging.wordpress.com/

http://caitlinsternwrites.wordpress.com/

http://ileandrayoung.com

http://jennykellerford.wordpress.com

https://jennifermeaton.com/

http://richardleonard.wordpress.com

http://jordannaeast.com

http://itsjennythewren.wordpress.com/

http://wehrismypen.wordpress.com

http://jlroeder.wordpress.com

http://letscutthecrap.wordpress.com/

http://ashortaday.wordpress.com

http://mandyevebarnett.com/

Sunday Snippets Critique Blog Hop #5

Sunday_Snippets

Oh Yeah!  It’s the  Sunday Snippets Critique Blog Hop!

In this hop, participants post 250 words of their work in progress to be critiqued.  Then everyone hops around to critique others.  Don’t have a post of your own?  We’d love a critique anyway!  And next time you can sign up yourself (see below)

swish swivel squiggle 2

Okay… Here’s mine.  This is 250 words of my YA Urban Fantasy: “Fire in the Woods”.  Jess and David are running for their lives, so why not jump onto a speeding train?

This is an awesome exercise, because reading this back, I just noticed I used “onslaught” twice in this segment.  Yeas, I will change that.swish swivel squiggle 2

“Hold on,” David screamed into my ear.  He turned toward the train, bracing himself.

Terror inched into my soul. “Oh God. David, please don’t…”

His feet left the ground and my stomach lurched as we rocketed through the air.  My world became an onslaught of sound and throttling wind.  I gritted my teeth against a scream building inside me, praying with all my might as we slammed against the side of the speeding train.

I buried my head in David’s neck.  Tears streamed from my eyes and flew through the air—never having the chance to dampen my cheeks as they ripped into the wake of the speeding train.  David’s knuckles wrapped around a metal bar on the side of the door. We swung manically, bobbing up and down across the cold metal.  My bones slammed against steel, skin and muscle unable to protect them from the tremulous onslaught of bodies banging against metal.

“Hang on!” David growled as we jolted and swung, our bodies flailing away from the train before barreling back towards the rigid steel.  I lifted my face, my skin burning and tearing from the wind’s merciless bite.

I struggled to open my eyes against the wind pressure.  David hung to the side of the locomotive with one hand while the other clutched my back. Another jolt sent us smashing back into the metal frame, David taking most of the blow.

“Oh God!” I could do nothing but pray as my tear filled eyes struggled to focus.

[Note:  Wow — I see so much wrong with this taking it out of the novel.  I’m so glad I did this.  This definitely needs re-writing, but hack away!  What do you see?]

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The Sunday Snippets Critique Blog Hop is on!

Want to join up? Click here for the rules, and leave a comment to have your name added to the list.  The more the merrier!swish swivel squiggle 2

Click on over to these great writers to check out and critique what they’ve posted!

Note:  Those who have not been participating have been removed.

http://mermaidssinging.wordpress.com/

http://caitlinsternwrites.wordpress.com/

http://ileandrayoung.com

http://jennykellerford.wordpress.com

https://jennifermeaton.com/

http://richardleonard.wordpress.com

http://jordannaeast.com

http://itsjennythewren.wordpress.com/

http://wehrismypen.wordpress.com

http://jlroeder.wordpress.com

http://letscutthecrap.wordpress.com/

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Sunday Snippets Critique Blog Hop #4

Sunday_Snippets

Oh Yeah!  It’s the  Sunday Snippets Critique Blog Hop!

In this hop, participants post 250 words of their work in progress to be critiqued.  Then everyone hops around to critique others.  Don’t have a post of your own?  We’d love a critique anyway!  And next time you can sign up yourself (see below)

swish swivel squiggle 2

Okay… Here’s mine.  This is 250 words of my YA Urban Fantasy: “Fire in the Woods”.  Right before this scene, our MC Jess runs into the woods chasing a deer. (That is the”buck” mentioned in the last line) Then all of the sudden…

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A screeching noise filled the forest, swirling like a smoke alarm gone haywire.  A hollow hum developed behind the squawking invasion as a jolt of stabbing pain tore into my brain.  I slammed my hands against my ears, but I couldn’t fight the drills boring inside me. Head pounding, I cried out in agony, but I my own voice fell victim to the onslaught of vibrations exploding through my cranium.

I dropped to my knees.  “Please stop!  Make it stop!”

The squalling reverberated, encompassing everything.  Tears pooled in my eyes, blurring my vision before trailing down my cheeks. I cried out in misery, until it stopped abruptly.

I shook, reeling from the sudden silence.  A faint hum lingered, a frightening reminder of the noise’s intensity.  Hands still covering my ears, I sucked in a careful, short breath and slowly dared another.  Holding as still as possible, I braced for another auditory attack, and thanked the Lord when it didn’t come. I scanned the trees, at a loss as to what could have made such a noise.

Sobbing, I blinked back fresh tears, and wiped my cheek clean.  A leaf fell to the ground at my feet, but the rest of the forest remained motionless.  The chirping birds had vanished. Nothing stirred to disrupt the eerie quiet—not even a gentle rustle of the wind.

I spun, startled by a thrash behind a large fallen tree.  Ignoring the instinct to flee like the buck, I inched forward and peeked over the log.

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The Sunday Snippets Critique Blog Hop is on!

Want to join up? Click here for the rules, and leave a comment to have your name added to the list.  The more the merrier!swish swivel squiggle 2

Click on over to these great writers to check out and critique what they’ve posted!

Note:  Those who have not been participating have been removed.

http://mermaidssinging.wordpress.com/

http://caitlinsternwrites.wordpress.com/

http://ileandrayoung.com

http://jennykellerford.wordpress.com

https://jennifermeaton.com/

http://richardleonard.wordpress.com

http://jordannaeast.com

http://itsjennythewren.wordpress.com/

http://wehrismypen.wordpress.com

http://jlroeder.wordpress.com

http://letscutthecrap.wordpress.com/

Sunday Snippets Critique Blog Hop!

Sunday_SnippetsOh Yeah!  It’s the very first Sunday Snippets Critique Blog Hop!

In this hop, participants post 250 words of their work in progress to be critiqued.  Then everyone hops around to critique others.  Don’t have a post of your own?  We’d love a critique anyway!  And next time you can sign up yourself (see below)

swish swivel squiggle 2

Okay… Here’s mine.  This is the first 250-ish words of The First Day of the New Tomorrow.  This is very fresh writing.  I’m only about five pages into the story.  This is a Young Adult Urban Fantasy.

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There just wasn’t enough cover-up in the world. Maya blended in the last dab, concealing the tenth new blemish this week, and it was only Thursday. In her next life, she’d be a Bavarian princess with perfect skin.  Yeah.  That’d be good.

She slipped on her bifocals and brushed a few of her dark bangs over the more hideous zits on her forehead and took stock.  The acne she could cover up, but the ugly glasses?

“I wish I didn’t have to wear these stupid things,” she told her reflection.  It smirked.  Even her reflection thought she looked like a geek.  Great.

Maya spun and headed for the door, but banged her head dead center on the doorframe.  The world blurred around her, and she grabbed the wall for support. “Owe.” Her hand shot to her forehead.  Everything still seemed to be attached.

Blinking, she tried to focus.  On all sides, a fuzzy halo bent and distorted the world into a crazy Picasso painting.  Nauseous, she closed her eyes and slid to the floor.

She couldn’t be sick.  She had to go to school today.  She’d studied her butt off last night and refused to miss that stinking History test.

Maya removed her glasses and rubbed her eyes. Blinking hard, she stared at the toilet bowl until it came into perfect focus. He stomach settled.  Better.  Whew! She slipped on her glasses and tried to stand, but the fuzzy haze came back.

“What the…” She grabbed the counter and pulled off her glasses.

swish swivel squiggle 2

The Sunday Snippets Critique Blog Hop is on!

Want to join up? Click here for the rules, and leave a comment to have your name added to the list.  The more the merrier!swish swivel squiggle 2

Click on over to these great writers to check out and critique what they’ve posted!

http://mermaidssinging.wordpress.com/

http://caitlinsternwrites.wordpress.com/

http://ileandrayoung.com

http://wyrmflight.wordpress.com/

http://www.mandyevebarnett.com

http://womanbitesdog.wordpress.com/

http://jennykellerford.wordpress.com

https://jennifermeaton.com/

http://richardleonard.wordpress.com

http://jordannaeast.com

http://letscutthecrap.wordpress.com

http://writerscrash.blogspot.com/2013/01/critique-blog-hop.html?showComment=1359314347792#c7304398839545720473

JenniFer_EatonF

Are you signed up for the Critique Blog Hop?

If you are signed up for the critique blog hop, click here for the official rules. If you are not on the official list, please make sure that you comment and leave your web address so you can be added.

Here is a pretty badge/button to post on your blog to help everyone find you post so you can get all the critiques you deserve.

Sunday_Snippets

Don’t forget to post by 1:00 AM on Sunday to get the most critiques.

Enjoy!__-)

JenniFer_EatonF

250 Word Critique Blog Hop – This is what we’re gonna do.

Have you ever just had “one of those weeks”?

Yeah, well, I’m there.  I had all these plans, but they went NO WHERE. I need three of me, I swear.

Anyway… There were enough people interested last week to start up a Critique Blog Hop.  Every day I sat down to contact everyone to start this week, but, well, you know how life gets in the way.  Sorry about that.

I even had all the rules typed out, but they are stuck in a “cloud” that is spiraling forever and not opening when I click on it, so I can’t post them now all pretty like.

So, for next Sunday, if you want to join up, comment below and leave your blog address in your comment.  I will paste them all together in a blog hop list that everyone can paste into their own posts if they like.

Next Sunday, be prepared to post your first 250-ish words from your current work in progress on your blog (250 and until the end of that sentence)

We will all hop around and critique.  I’ll post a rules page (all about being nice and stuff) as soon as I can get into that stupid cloud.

Oh!  I’ll also create a button that you can place in your widgets or somewhere easy to find so we can click on it and easily find your post if we don’t get to you on Sunday and you post something else.

Sound good?

Oh, also, if you can think of a catchy name for the blog hop, let me know.  If no one can come up with something by Sunday afternoon, I’ll make up a button that says “Sunday Snippets Critique Blog Hop” but I’m totally open if someone can come up with something catchy-er.

Join up and let’s get critiquing!

Sunday_Snippets

OMIGOSH! I missed a Post! But I had a good reason!

Ugh.  I got home tonight, totally exhausted, and realised I had no FLash Fiction for  Flash Fiction Friday On Wednesday.

Oh!  I have failed you **Sob Sob**

But I have a really good reason.  Tonight I attended a critique session with a group of local writers.  I have a love/hate relationship with these things.  For one thing, I get really tired of saying the same things over and over again.  sometimes I wish I could just be the queen of cut and paste.

So… why do I do it?  Because someone a few years ago saw a glint of hope in a little newbie writer called Jennifer Eaton, and took the time to SLASH THE HOLY HECK out of her work, and then explain why.

Someone took the time to help me, and now is my time to give that little bit of help back.  That’s also why I do this blog.

Now, this is not to say I am the one-stop know it all about writing.  ‘Cause I know I’m not… but I do have a lot of experience at this point that I can relay to others.

So, yes, I groan over first time critiques… but I love when I get to talk to people and explain things to them, and have their eyes light up with an “ah-ha” moment.

There were mostly new people tonight, so I was starting from scratch, but one girl had been critiqued by me before, and her writing was SO MUCH BETTER than last time… I was SO EXCITED for her.  Congrats, Dawn!

I really love when I can relay a little of what I’ve learned.  It is so much better to learn from my mistakes than making these mistakes yourself.

And what did I get in return for my personal critiques?  An overwhelming consensus that my Main Character in my new WIP  Fire in the Woods is fourteen years old.

Why is this significant?  BECAUSE SHE’S SEVENTEEN.

So… back to editing my first few pages… where they thought the problem lay.

And sorry for missing flash fiction.  My mind is just a pile of goo.

Time for Bed!  Good night!

My First Face to Face Critique Group

Believe it or not, up until today I had never been part of a face-to-face critique group.

There weren’t any around me, and I didn’t want to travel all the way into the city and pay $30 for parking.

I had thought of starting my own, but hesitated because of the work involved with being a moderator.  Then, luckily enough, a friend of mine started one ½ hour from me.  She was so nervous, and very happy when I signed up… THe old strength in friendly numbers thing.

In retrospect, we discussed a few mistakes, one of which was opening it up to ANYONE who was interested.  She was trying to be nice, but it was frustrating to get there after critiquing ten pages of 4 other authors, and only having two other people show up. (The moderator, myself, and another participant)

It worked out fine, but I wasted valuable time reading and critiquing twenty pages for two people who will never see my comments,  — and if you know me… 20 pages equals about 90 comments. I am very thorough.  Also, I won’t see what they did for me (if they ever even read mine in the first place)

In retrospect, we discussed only opening up the critique sessions to established members of our writing group (which is 300 members strong).  This way, we can be sure the people are already invested, and not just “fly by night”.

What WAS good was that the three of us who came were serious.  We critiqued each other’s work, and since we had an extra hour, chatted further about each piece than we would have been able to under normal circumstances. (If the other two showed up)

I was particularly tickled that they both asked for the rest of my work (Last Winter Red) because they liked it so much they wanted to see what happened.  Everyone needs a little ego-boost now and then 🙂

Did they come up with anything my beta-army didn’t?  Yeah, a few things.  Every set of eyes notices something different.  What was cool was that I could talk to them about it.  The only problem with on-line beta partners is that you have to email back questions, and sometimes that’s hard.  Here, we just chatted it over.

Probably— if I knew who the people were, and I could trust that they would show up.  I believe that the more opinions you get, the better your work will be… and someone may just see one word that is wrong that everyone else read over.

Also, I love getting out and chatting with other writers.  I love helping people develop.  There are so many people out there with great ideas, they just need help formulating them in a marketable way.

I was there once (a novice), and it was not too long ago.  Someone helped me.  Okay, a lot of people helped me.  Gosh, I was bad… but my ideas were good.  Now that I know a little bit about writing, it’s my turn to share the wealth.

That’s not to say that I don’t make the same silly mistakes all the time.  I am nowhere near arrogant enough to say I don’t need my beta-readers.  I am just to the point where I know what they mean when they think something is not right.  I can look at their comments, hit myself in the head, and I know EXACTLY how to fix it.

Other writers taught me how to do that.

Now, I can give that knowledge back to others.