Tag Archives: on line critique

Sunday Snippets Critique Blog Hop #5


Oh Yeah!  It’s the  Sunday Snippets Critique Blog Hop!

In this hop, participants post 250 words of their work in progress to be critiqued.  Then everyone hops around to critique others.  Don’t have a post of your own?  We’d love a critique anyway!  And next time you can sign up yourself (see below)

swish swivel squiggle 2

Okay… Here’s mine.  This is 250 words of my YA Urban Fantasy: “Fire in the Woods”.  Jess and David are running for their lives, so why not jump onto a speeding train?

This is an awesome exercise, because reading this back, I just noticed I used “onslaught” twice in this segment.  Yeas, I will change that.swish swivel squiggle 2

“Hold on,” David screamed into my ear.  He turned toward the train, bracing himself.

Terror inched into my soul. “Oh God. David, please don’t…”

His feet left the ground and my stomach lurched as we rocketed through the air.  My world became an onslaught of sound and throttling wind.  I gritted my teeth against a scream building inside me, praying with all my might as we slammed against the side of the speeding train.

I buried my head in David’s neck.  Tears streamed from my eyes and flew through the air—never having the chance to dampen my cheeks as they ripped into the wake of the speeding train.  David’s knuckles wrapped around a metal bar on the side of the door. We swung manically, bobbing up and down across the cold metal.  My bones slammed against steel, skin and muscle unable to protect them from the tremulous onslaught of bodies banging against metal.

“Hang on!” David growled as we jolted and swung, our bodies flailing away from the train before barreling back towards the rigid steel.  I lifted my face, my skin burning and tearing from the wind’s merciless bite.

I struggled to open my eyes against the wind pressure.  David hung to the side of the locomotive with one hand while the other clutched my back. Another jolt sent us smashing back into the metal frame, David taking most of the blow.

“Oh God!” I could do nothing but pray as my tear filled eyes struggled to focus.

[Note:  Wow — I see so much wrong with this taking it out of the novel.  I’m so glad I did this.  This definitely needs re-writing, but hack away!  What do you see?]

swish swivel squiggle 2

The Sunday Snippets Critique Blog Hop is on!

Want to join up? Click here for the rules, and leave a comment to have your name added to the list.  The more the merrier!swish swivel squiggle 2

Click on over to these great writers to check out and critique what they’ve posted!

Note:  Those who have not been participating have been removed.












Related articles

250 Word Critique Blog Hop – This is what we’re gonna do.

Have you ever just had “one of those weeks”?

Yeah, well, I’m there.  I had all these plans, but they went NO WHERE. I need three of me, I swear.

Anyway… There were enough people interested last week to start up a Critique Blog Hop.  Every day I sat down to contact everyone to start this week, but, well, you know how life gets in the way.  Sorry about that.

I even had all the rules typed out, but they are stuck in a “cloud” that is spiraling forever and not opening when I click on it, so I can’t post them now all pretty like.

So, for next Sunday, if you want to join up, comment below and leave your blog address in your comment.  I will paste them all together in a blog hop list that everyone can paste into their own posts if they like.

Next Sunday, be prepared to post your first 250-ish words from your current work in progress on your blog (250 and until the end of that sentence)

We will all hop around and critique.  I’ll post a rules page (all about being nice and stuff) as soon as I can get into that stupid cloud.

Oh!  I’ll also create a button that you can place in your widgets or somewhere easy to find so we can click on it and easily find your post if we don’t get to you on Sunday and you post something else.

Sound good?

Oh, also, if you can think of a catchy name for the blog hop, let me know.  If no one can come up with something by Sunday afternoon, I’ll make up a button that says “Sunday Snippets Critique Blog Hop” but I’m totally open if someone can come up with something catchy-er.

Join up and let’s get critiquing!