Tag Archives: woods

Sunday Snippets Critique Blog Hop #5

Sunday_Snippets

Oh Yeah!  It’s the  Sunday Snippets Critique Blog Hop!

In this hop, participants post 250 words of their work in progress to be critiqued.  Then everyone hops around to critique others.  Don’t have a post of your own?  We’d love a critique anyway!  And next time you can sign up yourself (see below)

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Okay… Here’s mine.  This is 250 words of my YA Urban Fantasy: “Fire in the Woods”.  Jess and David are running for their lives, so why not jump onto a speeding train?

This is an awesome exercise, because reading this back, I just noticed I used “onslaught” twice in this segment.  Yeas, I will change that.swish swivel squiggle 2

“Hold on,” David screamed into my ear.  He turned toward the train, bracing himself.

Terror inched into my soul. “Oh God. David, please don’t…”

His feet left the ground and my stomach lurched as we rocketed through the air.  My world became an onslaught of sound and throttling wind.  I gritted my teeth against a scream building inside me, praying with all my might as we slammed against the side of the speeding train.

I buried my head in David’s neck.  Tears streamed from my eyes and flew through the air—never having the chance to dampen my cheeks as they ripped into the wake of the speeding train.  David’s knuckles wrapped around a metal bar on the side of the door. We swung manically, bobbing up and down across the cold metal.  My bones slammed against steel, skin and muscle unable to protect them from the tremulous onslaught of bodies banging against metal.

“Hang on!” David growled as we jolted and swung, our bodies flailing away from the train before barreling back towards the rigid steel.  I lifted my face, my skin burning and tearing from the wind’s merciless bite.

I struggled to open my eyes against the wind pressure.  David hung to the side of the locomotive with one hand while the other clutched my back. Another jolt sent us smashing back into the metal frame, David taking most of the blow.

“Oh God!” I could do nothing but pray as my tear filled eyes struggled to focus.

[Note:  Wow — I see so much wrong with this taking it out of the novel.  I’m so glad I did this.  This definitely needs re-writing, but hack away!  What do you see?]

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The Sunday Snippets Critique Blog Hop is on!

Want to join up? Click here for the rules, and leave a comment to have your name added to the list.  The more the merrier!swish swivel squiggle 2

Click on over to these great writers to check out and critique what they’ve posted!

Note:  Those who have not been participating have been removed.

http://mermaidssinging.wordpress.com/

http://caitlinsternwrites.wordpress.com/

http://ileandrayoung.com

http://jennykellerford.wordpress.com

https://jennifermeaton.com/

http://richardleonard.wordpress.com

http://jordannaeast.com

http://itsjennythewren.wordpress.com/

http://wehrismypen.wordpress.com

http://jlroeder.wordpress.com

http://letscutthecrap.wordpress.com/

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Hurricane update and Flash Fiction Friday on Wednesday: Heart Stomping

Note:  Thanks for all the well wishes about hurricane Sandy.  We suffered mild damage in the form of a bad installation of a brand new sliding glass door.  It actually rained inside the door and outside.  I wish I thought of taking video, but all we could do was attack it with towels.  We got off quite lucky compared to the devastation not too far away.  Thanks for your prayers and good wishes.

Now, without further ado…Five minutes on the clock.  Go!

Melanie’s cold hand did little to soften the trampling beat of her heart.  The bark of the tree behind her scraped her skin through her thin cotton t-shirt.  Still, she struggled to become one with it … to hide.

A branch snapped in the darkness, stealing her breath. Immobilized, she squinted into the brush.  Where had the sound come from? Silence played with her mind, and she imagined the tree’s limbs growing, clutching clawing, and a breath behind her. But that’s impossible!

A shriek penetrated the night, and she pushed from the tree.  Her shirt caught and ripped, the sound a quick zip in the night as she darted into the darkness.

Happy Halloween!