Tag Archives: writing partner

Write a Story with Me #21 – Wait. Huh? What was that last line? with Susan Roebuck

Susan Roebuck does the impossible — finding a way to glue this baby all together into one storyline.  Take it away, Susan!  I am Soooo glad I’m not next — but I feel explosions coming!

20- Susan Roebuck

Marci awoke to someone saying, “Two hundred feet above the waves, Commander.”

“Good. Now get below and tell the troops to get ready. I must get back to the Bridge. I’m sorry about all the jolting – the Precipice is always a dangerous place.”

Marci cracked open one eye. She was in the air-lock bubble at the top of the ship, its transparent dome had been pushed half back so she could breathe fresh air. So different to the chemical-filled atmosphere of Argot.

High above specks flew in a V-shape. As she stared a dot at the front broke formation and zoomed down in a breathtaking spiral. Another dot joined him and within a moment, Janosc and another hovered beside her.

“Sorry about the turbulence,” Janosc said, not at all breathless from his speedy descent. “Right,” he gestured to the tiny figure gliding beside him, “this is my wing commander, Briss. Briss, have you got it?”

Marci, unable to talk or move, felt something slip between her lips and, after she swallowed, immediately colors became more vibrant. Janosc’s green hair glowed while Briss’s smile outshone the silver badge he wore. “That was a piece of the leaf. You’re in safe hands,” he told Marci with a small bow. “Janosc is the best.”

“We’re nearly there,” Janosc said. He leaned in, whispering, “Don’t tell your father, but we know the hold’s full of troops – we’re not dunderheads.”
The pair flashed up together to their squadron, avoiding a crystal-clear object that flanked the ship. It was an Establishment shuttle. And, if she wasn’t mistaken, that was Sian in the cockpit. Tears instantly blinded Marci. Her older sister had disappeared and Marci missed her like an amputated limb.
Write a Story with Me is a group endeavor just for the fun of it.  A different writer adds a new 250 words each week.  It is the ultimate Flash Fiction Challenge!

If you’d like to sign up, come on over.  There’s always room for more!

Part One – Jennifer M. Eaton

Part Two – J. Keller Ford

Part Three – Susan Roebuck

Part Four – Elin Gregory

Part Five – Eileen Snyder

Part Six – Mikaela Wire

Part Seven — Vanessa Chapman

Part Eight — Ravena Guron

Part Nine – Vikki Thompson

Part Ten — Susan Rocan mywithershins

Part Eleven — Kate Johnston  AKA 4AMWriter

Part Twelve — Julie Catherine

Part Thirteen — Kai Damian

Part Fourteen — Richard Leonard

Part Fifteen — Sharon Manship

Part Sixteen – Shannon Blue Christensen

Part Seventeen — Bryn Jones

Part Eighteen — Jennifer M. Eaton

Part Nineteen — Shannon Burton

Part Twenty — J.Keller Ford

Part Twenty-One — Susan Roebuck

Don’t forget to stop by next week to see what happens next.

  Elin Gregory —- TAG!  You are “It”

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Write a Story with Me Part 20 – Throwing bethany under the bus with J.Keller Ford

Jenny Keller Ford kicks it back to the main storyline this week. So, What’s happening with Marci? What does Yoran have to do? Take it away, Jenny!

20 J. Keller Ford

Yoran left the cloaked air rider hovering as he retrieved Marci’s limp body from the house. Janosc was waiting in the sleep cabin when Yoran returned.

“Did you get the medicines I asked for?”

Yoran nodded while covering Marci with a blanket. “Yes. It’s all there. Every last drop of it. And the weapons, too. Now let’s go.” Yoran made his way forward to the cockpit.

“Not so fast, Yoran Sumner,” Janosc said. “There is but one more item we need before we depart.”

“I refuse to get you anything else” Yoran said, his temper bubbling beneath his skin.

“Then your daughter shall die.”

Yoran advanced. “Why you—”

Janosc thrust his arms before him, his palms facing Yoran. A bubble of green light pulsed forward, buffering the space between him and the commander. “Do not threaten me, human, or our deal is off. Understood?”

Marci moaned in her sleep, uttering nonsense.

“Delirium is setting in,” Janosc said. “We have little time. The choice is yours.”

Yoran clenched his fists, but his anger was pointless. He had to save Marci. He placed his hands on the overhead compartment. “What do you want me to do?”

The bubble of light vanished. Janosc flitted forward. “I want you to go inside and get Bethany. She’s coming with us.”

Yoran’s eyes widened. “What?” he shouted. “Why?”

“Because she is responsible for Marci’s illness, therefore she is necessary for her cure.”

“Responsible how? What are you talking about?”

“Why don’t you ask her?”

Write a Story with Me is a group endeavor just for the fun of it. A different writer adds a new 250 words each week. It is the ultimate Flash Fiction Challenge!

If you’d like to sign up, come on over. There’s always room for more!

Part One – Jennifer M. Eaton

Part Two – J. Keller Ford

Part Three – Susan Roebuck

Part Four – Elin Gregory

Part Five – Eileen Snyder

Part Six – Mikaela Wire

Part Seven — Vanessa Chapman

Part Eight — Ravena Guron

Part Nine – Vikki Thompson

Part Ten — Susan Rocan mywithershins

Part Eleven — Kate Johnston AKA 4AMWriter

Part Twelve — Julie Catherine

Part Thirteen — Kai Damian

Part Fourteen — Richard Leonard

Part Fifteen — Sharon Manship

Part Sixteen – Shannon Blue Christensen

Part Seventeen — Bryn Jones

Part Eighteen — Jennifer M. Eaton

Part Nineteen — Shannon Burton

Part Twenty — J.Keller Ford

Don’t forget to stop by next week to see what happens next.

Susan Roebuck —- TAG! You are “It”

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What stupid writing error did your Beta point out this week? Beam me up, Scotty!

You need to find a balance.  Really, you do.

While working on my “Writing to a Deadline” piece, I was trying very hard in the first draft not to make any of the mistakes I made in my larger manuscript.

I may have over done it, though.

In trying to make sure that my characters don’t “step” too much, and after hearing feedback from a beta that said “we don’t have to know about every move”—Now at times, my characters don’t move at all.

A new beta pointed out that my characters magically disappear from one spot, and appear in another, with no explanation whatsoever.  Well, obviously they walked.   (There are no Star Trek transporters in my current WIP)

The problem is, I tried to write this story in a way that inferred that they walked… but it didn’t always work.

Now back to editing, and make sure to make them move without stepping around a lot.

Ugh.

If you have a bad day, don’t take it out on your beta-read

First of all, I am sorry for posting three days in a row.  I try to stick to my Monday-Thursday schedule to make sure my content is meaningful, and I certainly don’t want to get annoying.

At the moment though, I really feel the need to VENT!

Never, ever EVER is it excusable to take out your frustrations on a beta read you are doing for someone.  Did you get that ?  N-E-V-E-R.

Rather than re-typing how I feel about this, I am pasting below what I just wrote back in response to a blog post made by Jenny Keller Ford.  Read below, and then click on the link to jump over to Jenny’s blog and give her a big hug.

Ugh.  That review broke my heart.  I am a big believer in “say something nice, then the bad, but end it on a good note.  Being outright mean is something completely different, and that sounds like what happened.  There is something nice you can say about anyone. 

Ummm… you spelled everything right, and that was great!  Yay!  Love your spelling!

I have to admit, that I am brutally honest, but I do try to wrap it up with a kiss as much as possible, and I have NEVER told someone anything was Cr*p.  I am a firm believer that everyone is in a different place in their journey, and you can learn and evolve every day of your life.  Every story has potential… even if you don’t particularly like it.  If you don’t like something, at least say why.  Don’t just write it off as junk.

The problem with the internet, and email, is that you can totally trash the person, and not see the look on their face.  I am sure he would have been somewhat more tactful if he was looking right at you.

In all honesty, a beta who trashes, and does not give any suggestions is not a beta at all.  I would not even consider going back to them.  Now, that is not because they were harsh.  I have a few harsh critiquers that I always go back to… because they are honest, and they are helpful, and they point out things I need to work on.  Without them, I would not be the writer I am today.  It sounds like this critique gave no value other than to make you feel bad.  That is not constructive at all. 

Dust off your heels.  Think over what they said, and edit where you see fit… but don’t take this as a do-all “suddenly I stink and will for the rest of my life” review.

Just think.  In a few years when you hit Amazon’s top 100 list, you will just look back on this and giggle.

Remember to jump over to Jenny’s blog and give her a cyber hug.  She has a great story, and needs a little uplifting right now.