Let’s take a little stroll into the world of Romance today.
Here are six sentences from Sail Away by Janelle Lee: Part of the Heat Wave, August 2012 Anthology.
Take it away, Janelle…
He grinned and pulled her close where his enticing aftershave silenced any
protest from her. The music and the closeness of their bodies had her closing
her eyes to enjoy the moment. Kara’s entire body relaxed as his breath caressed her cheek. She moved closer and felt his cheek against hers. She turned slightly to meet his lips. And as quickly as the thought of a kiss crossed her mind it disappeared as he released her from his embrace.
I’m very interested to hear everyone’s thought on this one.
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Jennifer M Eaton 
A teasing sentence
Note to self — never have the good guys wear aftershave. 🙂 Add me to the list who found the reference awkward. And “the music of their bodies” seems an odd description to me. I could see music playing in the background influencing a response in their bodies, but I’m not sure this phrase works in this context.
But I’d want to see more of the surrounding text for a fuller impression.
Hmmmm. Maybe that’s the problem with six sentences. Not enough to really make a decision sometimes.
exactly. More surrounding text would help. I do have to say I like the cover, though.
What a tease! 🙂
I’ve nominated you for the one lovely blog award 😀 Post is up tomorrow!
Errr… payback
Such a tease. I honestly didn’t like the enticing aftershave bit either, it’s a bit heavy.
Wow. I wish I could say I was enticed but I wasn’t. I also didn’t feel thwarted. Maybe it’s because I didn’t read the stuff before or after. Maybe it’s the silencing aftershave. (I’m with you, Christine). I think it’s a bit too much telly as we know she’s waiting for the kiss. The last sentence reads like he released her because the kiss crossed her mind. There’s no heat. There’s no desire, and I’m really tearing this published piece apart. Who am I to say anything bad? The author’s published with a novel and I applaud her. All I’m saying is I would have written it with a bit more intensity, that is if I wrote romance, which I don’t…well, not like this. Oh, shut up, Jenny. Go back to writing your fantasy novel before you insert your foot deeper.
Ha! Well, it’s definitely a deep-romance theme. Very different from fantasy.
The “enticing aftershave silencing protest” threw me. His lips might silence her protest but the aftershave? And how is it enticing, exactly? Most aftershave is rather obnoxious, IMO. But it is definitely an intriguing moment. An implied kiss suddenly thwarted has massive potential.
I really like the paragraph. It draws you in and then when he pulls away it literally makes you want to groan out loud. You were wanting that kiss to happen just as much as the character did.
By the way, thanks for following me. I’m going to start posting one chapter a week of my story. If you get bored, would you mind reading the first chapter and see what you think. All comments, negative or good, are accepted.
♥Kirsten