Tag Archives: editing

ROW 80 Update for 11-27-2011

Posted on November 27, 2011 | 15 comments

For the first time, I can actually say I completed ALL MY GOALS for this week… probably because I only gave myself one really nasty one… just to make sure I did it.

#1:  I finished the ever-elusive “Matt” scene.  This is one of those “big bang” scenes that really needs to work and read well.  It was originally too long – almost 7,000 words.  Now it is trim and lean and cut to 850 words.  I took out all the detail that everyone was finding confusing, and went just for the action.  I think it works much better.

#2:  I wanted to put a big dent in Jennifer Hubbard’s THE SECRET YEAR.   I am happy to say that I finished it.  I am trying to decide if I should do some kind of review on it or not… especially since it is the first book that I’ve actually managed to read cover to cover and not start something else in a long time.  Thinking about it.

I’m going to leave it simple again this week, maily because I am so derned close to being done with my novel, and also, I own a toy store, and you can guess how busy my weekend was.

So, here it goes…

1.  Do one final read for flow and readability.

2.  Save the final draft as a “definitive vision” (Maybe even get a copy printed for myself)

3:  Go back and edit another 4,000 words (The part about Matt cutting his hair) — it’s not as stupid as it sounds, really it’s not.  I love this scene!

At the moment, I am down to 110,000 words.  I had a soft goal to get it down to 100,000.  After the edit above, I expect to be around 106,000 which is pretty close.  Can I cut 6,000?  Maybe, but I’m not sure I want to.  The “Matt’s Hair” scene is the last part in the novel that doesn’t directly push the plot forward.  I think if I cut anything else, it will definitely be lacking.

Happy Row-ing!

Jennifer Eaton

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Row80 Update 11-20-2011

Posted on November 20, 2011 | 9 comments

I giggled when I looked at my list of goals for this week.  One of them I forgot about completely after going on a rampage of doing other things.  I need to check back on my goals every few days at a bare minimum so I keep pushing myself to do some of those things I’m cringing over.

1.  Two blog posts?  Yea!  I did three, and one of them really hit home for a lot of people.  Glad everyone is out there MAKING THE BIG DECISION.  Thanks for all the feedback here and on Twitter, guys!

2.  Re-write the dream sequences to richen the character of Darkness.  OMG!  I like him so much better than I used to.  I think I actually managed to create a “Love to hate” character.  I think I also opened up a can of worms with him.  Such a fun character.  I was going to explore him more in book two.  I’m so glad I decidied to personify him earlier.  Great fun!

3.  Start the beta read I’ve been sitting on for two weeks.  DONE!  Yea!  I haven’t heard back from him yet.  Hope he doesn’t hate me 😦

Re-write the scene where Matt gets his memory back…  Ummmm…  Forgot.  Probably half on-purpose.  This is big decision #2–right after Magellan’s age.  Yeah, I gotta do it.  I know, I know.

1.  Rewrite that stinking Matt scene.  Gosh, I just don’t know what to do with it.  Don’t you hate it when you have a pivitol scene that just isn’t working?

2.  Rewrite the Matt scene again

3.  and again

4.  and again.

5.  When I’m not pulling my hair out over Matt, I’d like to make a dent in Jennifer Hubbard’s THE SECRET YEAR.  Yes, very out of my genre, I know.

I’ve been hearing that you should spend time with novels outside your genre.  This way I am doing this, and supporting one of the authors I recently met that was nice enough to give me some tips to push me in the right direction.

Happy Rowing!

Jennifer Eaton

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Lesson Fourteen from a Manuscript Red Line: Keeping inside the Point Of View, Part 2

Posted on November 7, 2011 | 11 comments

For an intro into where these tips are coming from, please see my post: A Full Manuscript Rejection, or a Gold Mine?  You can also look under “Rant Worthy Topics” in my right navigation bar.  Choose “Gold Mine Manuscript” to see all the lessons to date.

Lesson Thirteen talked about making sure we only see what the Point of View character can see.  We also have to worry about accidentally getting into the heads of other characters as we describe what the POV character is seeing.

It seems to happen most for me when I describe what another character in the scene is doing.

“Mike studied the sign on the wall.”

Is Mike the POV character? No?  Then how does the POV character know that he is studying it? He may just be looking in that direction but thinking of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.  Right?

Hold up your right hand and say:  forever more I will call this…

The publisher red-lined something very similar to this, and said that you need to show what the characters are doing by showing what the POV character sees them doing.  You cannot get into their heads, or assume what they are doing.

You might be able to fix something like this with “Mike stood in front of the sign on the wall, and scratched his head.”  This would work especially well if there was a little dialog afterwards that made it obvious he looked at it.  REMEMBER NOT TO SAY HE LOOKS AT IT.  (See my earlier post on “Write without Looking”)

Jennifer Eaton

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Row 80 Check-in 11-06-11

Posted on November 6, 2011 | 15 comments

I really don’t feel accomplished this week as far as writing goes.  There was just too much going on.  Soccer season is winding down, but Dog Training is starting, and my two youngest sons signed up for Wrestling…. There goes three hours on Tuesday, Three hours on Thursday, and an hour and a half on Wednesdays.  Saturdays are still shot with Soccer until Thanksgiving, and my oldest might be showing Chloe in a dog show in January, too, which means Show Training on top of basics.  Ugh.

I really want to finish HIDDEN IN PLAIN SIGHT by the end of the year, but unless I take off from work to do it (which I might—I have the time) I’m not sure I will make it.

What I did get done, though, is decent… I just didn’t get to it all.

I went to the NJ Writers Q & A.  Check out my Blog post for Wednesday if you want to hear about it.  That was GREAT.  I was also pleased that a few of the authors stopped by my blog and posted. I also got a few personal emails from them.  Very nice.

I cut 1,687 words from my novel, and noted another 4,372 that I can cut – some inspired by my talks with the authors on Tuesday, and their emails afterwards.

For those of you who have done a beta-read… the scenes being cut are the two scenes in Harris’s mother’s POV (Mommy meltdowns).  Matt meeting the mercenary, and the whole cutting his hair scene (he will have short hair from the beginning, now) and Harris talking to Daniel Hyelven after he hurts the girl in the alley.  I am on page 300, so there are 100 pages to go in this sweep.  This will get me down to 113,000, but I might add words when I re-write a chapter that started with a conversation about Matt’s hair.  (That sounds really silly taken out of context.)

I did not start that beta read I have been sitting on (sorry again, “J”)

I did not exercise – unless you want to count Trick or Treating, which was an hour of walking

I did not keep to my blog schedule

I’m not sure if I am going to be able to keep posting ROW 80 twice a week.
It think it’s too much, and detracts from the point of my blog.  I don’t think  a Wednesday check-in is really all that helpful for me.  So… Sundays I will give my results, and my goals for the next week.  This way, I can get back on my twice a week blog schedule, plus a Sunday ROW80, and I won’t be under as much pressure.

1.    Two regular blog posts (a Manuscript Red-line post, and maybe a writer’s advice post from the Q&A session)

2.    Cut 4,372 words from my novel

3.    Insert the new “Stuck in a Closet” beginning (which I just remembered has more words than the current beginning.  UGH!)

4.    Decide whether or not to cut the scene where Magellan gets
tutored by the King.

Happy ROWing!

Jennifer Eaton

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Lesson Thirteen from a Manuscript Red Line: Keeping inside the Point Of View, Part 1

Posted on November 5, 2011 | 10 comments

For an intro into where these tips are coming from, please see my post: A Full Manuscript Rejection, or a Gold Mine?  You can look under “Rant Worthy Topics” in my right navigation bar.  Choose “Gold Mine Manuscript” to see all the lessons to date.

I used to slip out of my POV all the time, and now I am trying to really get my head inside the POV character so I am very aware of them and their surroundings.   I used to write partially omniscient, and I could see through walls and such.  Silly me.

This publisher noted that when you are in one character’s POV, make sure the narration does not tell something that the POV character cannot see.  For instance, if your character looks out the balcony window, thinks it’s a warm wonderful night, and then goes to bed.  Don’t Pre-tell with a three sentence closing scene of velociraptors swarming just on the other side of the trees, quarreling about who will get to eat your main character.

Great dramatic effect? Yes, and they use it in movies all the time, but the POV character can’t see it, so it’s a bit strange and out of place, right?

Now, if they heard something in the bushes, a growl, something unsettling… that would work fine. Then let them go off to nighty-night.

The same goes for a passage like “What Jessica didn’t know, was that someone was stealing her car while she put on her makeup.”  If we are in Jessica’s POV, this doesn’t quite work.  We need to wait and follow Jessica out the door to find out WITH HER that her car was stolen.

Make sense?

Jennifer Eaton

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Lesson Twelve from the Gold Mine Manuscript Red Line: How Are Your Characters Feeling Today?

Posted on October 29, 2011 | 13 comments

For an intro into where these tips are coming from, please see my post: A Full Manuscript Rejection, or a Gold Mine?  You can also click “Rant Worthy Topics” in my right navigation bar.  Choose “Gold Mine Manuscript” to see all the lessons to date.

“Magellan walked back from the library slowly, feeling exhausted from studying all day.”

Sorry, Gellan.  You’re not allowed to “feel exhausted”.  I have totally failed you as a mother author.  (Don’t you feel like their parents sometimes?)  Anyway… .

According to this publisher, Feeling, Felt, and Feel are very telling words.  They are right up there with “look” for setting off the “no-no” meter.  Instead of using these words, we should be showing our readers how our characters feel instead.  Give us actions that show us that he’s tired without telling us that he is.

Errghhh. Okay…

“Magellan dragged his feet as he walked home from the library.  He could barely keep his eyes open after studying all day.”

Okay, they are forgiven.  Point taken.  The second one is better.  The word count does suffer a little in this example, but I could probably have done better if I gave it a little more thought. (They might even consider “barely keep his eyes open” as tell. too.  I could have probably done better there, as well.)

Another bad telly sentence that I would have been guilty of before seeing the Gold Mine Manuscript was something like:

“Magellan was exhausted.  He dragged his feet all the way home”
There is no reason to say “Magellan was exhausted” and SHOW that he is exhausted right afterwards.  Just delete that first part, and stick with the showing part and it will sound much better.

This tip, will definitely help make your manuscript stand out from the others.  I still have to stop myself from doing this.  For some reason, I naturally “tell” First, and then I show.  I don’t know why.  I’m starting to catch myself, but sometimes it’s tough.

Hope this one helps.

If you don’t get it, please drop me a line, and I will discuss in more depth. I think this is a really good point that a lot of people seem to be stumbling with (me included).  I saw it a lot critiquing a recent 250 word contest.  Set yourself apart by trying to avoid it.

Jennifer Eaton

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Omigosh! You have to try this!

Posted on October 25, 2011 | 17 comments

Like Kristina Stanley, who keyed me into this site… I may be behind the times and maybe everyone else knows about Wordle.  But if you don’t you just have to try it!

You load something you’ve written into it, and it gives you a visual representation of the frequency of your words.  The bigger the word, the more you use it.  You can then click on the randomize button, and it will show you different configurations.  It’s different pictures of your words!

I loaded my entire blog just for the fun of it.  This is what I came up with.

I guess I use the word “like” a lot.  Tee Hee.  “Brian” and “Mom” must appear because of my “Cricket Riders” posting.

As Kristina suggested, this has a practical use, too.  You can upload a chapter of your novel, and see if you overuse any words. This is what I came up with when I loaded Chapter 4 of my novel.  If you want to see it bigger, click on the picture.

It’s dead on, because Magellan is the main character, and Meagan is the only other person in the scene.  They are talking to each other through a locked door, and he is begging her to “please” don’t go.

This could be addictive.  Great idea, Kristina!

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Help me decide on a beginning to my novel

Posted on October 22, 2011 | 10 comments

I’ve been thinking about a comment J Randolph said on one of my earlier posts for Row 80, where I said I had a goal this week of “choosing one of two possible beginnings” to my novel.  She suggested doing a poll.

Well, honestly, I’ve never done a poll, but her comment stuck with me.  I thought… Why not?

I am struggling between two possible beginnings to HIDDEN IN PLAIN SIGHT.  I really like both.  I am steering towards one, but I figured, why not get a few more opinions?

The choices are:  **Drumroll please**

“Fruit Throwing” or “Stuck in a Closet.”

If you look at my header bar, I have placed a separate page for each one.  They are both about 700 words long, and bring you to exactly the same point.  If you’re into it, please read both, and then come back here to vote.  I’d also like to know what you liked, or didn’t like about each one.

I’ll let you know what I decide after I chew on the feedback.

Thanks for your input!

Update:  Poll closed.  Thanks!

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Thor: A review from a Writer’s Perspective

Posted on October 18, 2011 | 7 comments

I just watched the movie “Thor” with my husband and son.  My son was so excited.  We checked the “Mommy” reviews, and I decided it would be okay for my oldest son to watch (The younger ones probably could have watched it too.  It was no worse than cartoon violence in most cases, and no cursing, which I appreciate as a Mom.)

Anyway… I wasn’t expecting much.  I really don’t know the story of Thor all that well, and I was just bracing myself for another really bad re-done super hero movie.  Wow, was I in for a pleasant surprise.

Lately, after struggling with plot holes in my novel, I am reading novels and watching movies with a very critical eye.  I knew this was going to lead into the “Avengers” so I figured that it would be open-ended.  I also knew it was a re-telling.

Would they do a good job?  Would they leave it open-ended?  Would it have a concrete beginning, middle and end that left me satisfied that the story was over?  If they do, will I be screaming for more?

Yes, Yes, Yes, and definitely Yes. (Can I buy my tickets NOW?)

Now, if you are a Thor fan, you might have hated this movie.  Like I
said, I don’t know the original story… but looking at this as a stand-alone
story, I think it was great.  Throw this Old God into our world with no power, and have him interact with “normal people”.  Genius.    I have to admit I spit my drink laughing a few times.  There is one character, the Poly-Sci Major, who had me in stitches—and it was all very real… not forced humor… just natural and honest comments that you could relate too.  Great, simple dialog… That is what made it funny.

So, My lesson learned from Thor?  You can write a novel that’s the start of a series that has a CONCRETE ENDING, but that also has enough “open
holes” to suck you into the next installment in the series.  The story is over, but it is “just open enough” that it can start up again in the drop of a hat (or a rainbow bridge, in this case.)

I’ve figured out what is wrong in my novel, now.  And it took me all
but a few hours to fix.  Yes, there are sub-plots that intertwine and draw the story forward into the next book, but I hadn’t made clear the ONE POINT that was the major driver, that DOES CONCLUDE in the first novel.  It did conclude in my head all along, but now, after a little revamping, it does for the reader to.  I just had to elaborate on one point that I did not make clear .

Thanks, Thor, for swinging your hammer and hitting me in the head.
Sometimes you learn things from the most unlikely places.

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Help! What’s my bad-guy’s name?

Posted on October 14, 2011 | 12 comments

I need some input.  My Bad-guy’s name is “Darkness”.  It didn’t really start out that way.  Darkness was just something to be afraid of, and then he developed into a person, and the name stuck.  I know “Darkness” has been used before.  Do you think it’s cliché?

I’ve also been playing with the name “Malice”  What do you think?

I’m entering the 50-word synopsis contest in a few days.  These are the two versions I came up with, depending on the name.

Darkness has descended upon the galaxy. Magellan Talbot, a poor miner’s son, has been chosen by their Goddess to defeat it. There’s one problem…. a tragic accident has erased Magellan’s memory. If he doesn’t regain it in time, evil will prevail. His task is simple, if he could only remember.
.
or
.
Malice threatens the galaxy from within. Magellan Talbot, a poor miner’s son, has been chosen by the Goddess to defeat it. There’s one problem…. a tragic accident has erased Magellan’s memory. If he doesn’t regain it in time, evil will prevail. His task is simple, if he could only remember.
.
So, which one do you think sounds better?

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