Category Archives: Senseless Ranting

Hi! I’m back! Soooo, How did it go? Did the Authors take good care of you?

Oh, how I miss the roller coasters, beaches, shows… and yes, some of the best snorkeling ever.  I also got to swim with a dolphin for the first time in my life.  My kids have no idea how good they have it, I swear!

I may be cajoled into posting a few pictures once I get unpacked and see what’s actually in the cameras.

In the meantime…

How did the authors treat you while I was gone?  I am looking forward to reading everyone’s posts.  I hope you received some wonderful words of wisdom from these very talented people.  I am sure you were in good hands.

So, while I am unpacking— and driving up north to pick up my peppy poodle from her vacation at the shore with her birth family— let me ask you a few questions:

Which author post did you love the most and why?

Is there anyone in particular I should invite back?

If the author posted a book link, did you buy their novel? (or do you already own it?)

I’m mainly curious how this all worked out.  It was a lot of work bringing this all together, and I’d like some feedback as to whether it was worth your while.

Thanks!

Awesome surprise for the Next Nine Days — Published Author Roundup PLUS a Giveaway!

Yay!  I’m so excited for this week! Wait until you see what I’ve lined up!

I’m going to be incommunicado for the next nine days.  Yes, that means I’m cutting myself off from the internet. **GACK**  But fear not! I won’t leave you hanging!

Yes, sadly, I will not be here for the next nine days to rattle you with my words of wisdom and rants of writer’s woes.

But worry not, faithful followers!  I will not leave you hanging.  I have a very special surprise lined up for you this week that you are not going to want to miss  (I hope – biting nails)

All through the week, I will be handing the reigns of my blog over to nine published authors with current work that a lot of you may have already read.  This is a great mix of people who I am sure you can learn a lot from.

And we are winding up the week on Sunday 6/24/12 with a giveaway.  Yay!

So make sure you stop by every day, and ask questions.  I’ve asked them to be all-interactive-like, so I’m hoping there will be some fun discussions to read when I come back.

Enjoy!  I hope it goes well!

Now… how do I surgically remove myself from this keyboard?

It. I Really Hate It.

I have a new word to add to my hate list.  It’s “it”.

I am trying to hand my publisher a clean manuscript.  The analyzer asked me the remove 5 cases of “there” (no problem) Once case of something else (it was easy, so I don’t remember).  It told me that I had 109 uses of “it” and I should remove 52 of them.

This task was definitely a little more daunting.  In the end, I was able to get it down to 77 cases.  The analyzer is still telling me to remove 20 cases, but these are all in dialog.  If you haven’t noticed, people use “it” in dialog, and if you try to remove “it” your characters start to sound like Robots… so my “its” are staying.  If the living breathing editors want to mention it, I will deal with it then.

One thing I did learn though, is that narration can be stronger without the word “it”.  Here are a few real case examples from LAST WINTER RED

In this first example, I took out both “it” and the second reference to the basket:

She raced past the death and decay and threw her arms around his neck, tipping her basket to the side.  Lori grabbed it before the vials spilled.  Her eyes narrowed disapprovingly as she set the basket on the table beside them. 

This paragraph always bothered me, but I couldn’t put my finger on why.  Now it flows much better… The revise, without the “it” and the second “basket”

She raced past the death and decay and threw her arms around his neck, tipping her basket to the side.  Lori grabbed the wicker handle before the vials spilled.  Her eyes narrowed disapprovingly as she set the precious parcel on the table beside them. 

 

Here’s another one.  Same as before, it wasn’t reading well.  We will be removing two occurrences of “it”.  I changed “the well” because I used the word “well” in the previous paragraph

He pulled on the strings, and a bucket rose from the well.  He tipped it to fill her pail and handed it back to her.

Changed to:

He pulled on the strings, and a bucket rose from the ground.  He poured the water into her pail and passed the handle to her, balancing the container with his other hand. 

When you pull these examples out of the text, these changes almost seem obvious, but believe me, all my betas read right over this, and I need to admit that the sentences are richer without that annoying little “it”.

How do you feel about “it”?

National Tattoo Day with Special Guest “Tattoo Guy”, Jord Fox

Okay, so, it was like this:  I am standing in line at the coffee shop, and I see this guy in front of me covered with tattoos.

After he gets his double mocha latte, I say, “So, Dude, what’s up with all the tattoos?”

He looks up, laughs (spitting out about $2.00 worth of his latte) and after we grab some paper towels to clean up the mess, we start chatting.

Okay, well, it didn’t go 100% like that, but we were in a coffee shop, and we did chat about his tattoos.  Guess what?  He’s a writer.  A songwriter, but hey, that counts.

He showed me his tattoos (Half of you just giggled.  Let’s be G-rated, people!!  He rolled up his sleeve!)

Anyway, he explained them all, and I thought it was pretty neat.  I asked him if he’d like to do a guest post on my blog, and – you guessed it, or I wouldn’t be writing this post – he agreed.

So please welcome Jord Fox (AKA Songwriting Tatoo Guy) to chat with us all about tattoos.

June fifth is National Tattoo Day, and I was asked to write about the tattoo topic.  I had previously posted about why I got mine, so I think I’ll cover some other, broader aspects.
Tattoos, of course, have a negative connotation due to various cultures using them to mark criminals, the times criminals (or would-be criminals) marked themselves as a status symbol, and the fact that anything that breaks the norm is usually scorned.
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However, in today’s world, the tattoo taboo isn’t as great.  Tattoos are actually fairly commonplace, and are seen everywhere.  Many women have them on ankles, shoulder blades, or have the infamous lower back “tramp stamp”.  Men get them  on arms, legs, backs, and chests.  But why do they do this?
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Well, starting with the criminal element, tattoos can mark loyalties (especially to gangs) and acts committed.  I don’t think I need to cover this realm further; I’m sure you get it.
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Members of the military have gotten them to show loyalty as well, or pride in their service.  Tattoos have also been done to honor fallen comrades.  One of the coolest tattoos for military (and sailors in general) is a pair of birds.  I believe the birds are swallows.  My understanding is that when one is sent overseas. they get one swallow to mark that they arrived safely there, and get the matching piece done when they arrive home.  I think it’s an awesome tradition.
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Many get representations of loved ones and pets.  And some cultures, such as the Samoans, are tattooed as a right of passage.
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Of course, a lot of people in the Western World get inked because they’re trying to be cool or present a certain image, but this should not be allowed to take away from the millions of works of art created every day that have legitimate meaning, if only to the person bearing them.  And this is indeed an art form.  One apprentices before they can get a regular gig as a tattoo artist. They have to earn their dues.  And even the finest graphic artists would have a hard time doing what they do via a vibrating needle and oft-times moving, wincing, flinching canvasses.
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I realize some may think of me in a certain light because I would have to wear long sleeves and pants to cover all of mine, but every tattoo I’ve gotten had thought put into it and means something to my life.  And this is the last reason I’ll give as to why people get work done:  For many, including myself, these works of art are landmarks.  They signify where we’ve been, what we’ve been through, and where we want to be.  The only one that brings me a twinge of regret is my ex-wife’s initial on my shoulder.  It happens, but I could always cover it up if I choose to do so.
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I hope this was informative.  And maybe you’ll get one of your own now if you haven’t already–welcome to the establishment!
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The Art of Procrastination: Isn’t Writing Still Fun?

I did something for the first time the other day.  I procrastinated.

Now, I’m not talking about the laundry, or doing the dishes—I procrastinated about writing.

Editing to be more exact.

Believe it or not, I have NEVER procrastinated before when it had to do with writing.  Never Ever.  Writing was always my escape.  What better way to get away from the world than with characters that I love.

So here I am, vacuuming, and actually shaving the dog (which I had been procrastinating over for three months.)  Now, I’m not talking about a little procrastination.  This dog was on the grooming table for a full two hours straight.  (No, she does not look like the same dog anymore.)

And it was all because I didn’t want to edit.  So, why is that?

I think it is because I have a list of things from the publisher to make sure that are not in my novel.  I think it is because I need to dig in and perfect it.  But wasn’t it perfect already?

Well yes, and no.  There’s nothing like pasting your novel into a manuscript analyzer if you want to make yourself run and hide.

By now, yes, I have started editing.  I am fixing and sculpting, and despite my initial hesitation, LAST WINTER RED is actually getting better.

Hmmmm.  Maybe these publishers actually know what they are talking about 🙂

Silly Things We Authors Do When We Get Punchy

I’m interrupting Flash Fiction Tuesday to share a very funny email conversation.

“Shelly” had contacted my through email to ask me a question about beta readers.  Of course, I helped her out.  Afterwards, until the wee hours of the night, we went back and forth in this silly fantasy conversation.

This is a prime example of the creativity of writers gone awry… and how silly you can get when you stay up to late.

Thank you, Shelly, for giving me permission to post this.

Now remember, this whole conversation happened through email.  After I helped Shelly, I mentioned I wished I had more time to do research.  Her answer was…

Shelly: May the Faeries of Figgy Newton grant that wish … (((((((poof)))))))))))

Jennifer: Wait! I just turned into a newt!  Very hard to type with these little fingers!

Shelly:  Oh my, that wasn’t supposed to happen! Let me find a transfiguration spell to fix it real quick …. now where did I put my damn spell book …

Jennifer:  Ribbit. Yikes. I’m in trouble.

Shelly:  Time to break out the big guns then. Prepare yourself, this ain’t going to be pretty …

Jennifer:  AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

Shelly:  The smoke clears, and I can see your startled face, eyes, and your hair is sticking straight out, but still there, just a tad burnt, and you are no longer green, which is good, but you are now purple.

Drat! Back to the drawing board.

Jennifer:  I feel like a grape. On that happy note, I’m going to bed.  Fix me in the morning?

The next morning: 

Shelly: Did you squeeze yourself and have Grape Juice this morning?

Jennifer:  That’s why I look so thin today. 🙂

Shelly:  Well, then my magic worked! Sort of 😛

Aren’t authors just great fun?  Thanks for the giggle, Shelly!

When you don’t agree with your child’s teacher.

Why, oh why, are there people in our public school system teaching children how to write that have no idea about basic fictional writing principles?

My son came home the other day with a low grade on a story he had written.  No biggie, I’m not an ogre—until I read her comments, that is.  My husband sat at the head of the table watching me with hands folded.  I think he was waiting for me to blow a fuse… which, admittedly, I did.

My husband said, “I didn’t see anything wrong with it.  I wanted to see what you thought.”

This is the comment.  Hold your breath…

“Don’t use so much dialog in your writing.  Dialog kills a story.”

Okay, so I took a deep breath, and read his story.

He had done a horrible thing.  He had allowed the dialog to tell his story… without a STITCH of show versus tell issues.  It was actually GREAT.  (No explosions, but that’s okay.  He’s the quiet one)

His story was realistic, believable, and perfectly constructed.  Now, I understand that writing is subjective, but to grade him down for writing correctly?  UGHHHH!

My husband raised an eyebrow and said, “I would LOVE for you to go in and talk to her about this.”

Yeah, he would think it was funny if I got taken out of the school in handcuffs.  This teacher is not to fond of my son to begin with (he’s a giggler and she is a drill sergeant)  We’re just biding our time until we can get him out of this class.  My husband had growled his way through a few parent teacher conferences with her already.

So, what did I do?  I explained to my son that he had written it correctly, and sometimes you are going to be judged unfairly.  I told him that I want him to know what is right, but next time give her exactly what she wants to get the grade, but know there is a better way to do it.

(It’s sad to give real-life advice to an eight year old)  I just know that there is no winning with this woman, and she, unfortunately, is in a position to make my little guy miserable for the rest of the school year.  Believe me, if it were the last day of school, she’d totally have gotten a writing lesson from me… I just need to think of what I’m doing to my child as well.

A week later he came home and said, “Mom!  I wrote a really bad story and she loved it!”

I looked at his new story.  It was 100% tell, no feeling, no dimension, flat characterization.  And she wrote “Nicely done.”

I cringed.  “Okay, but you understand that this is NOT the correct way to write, right?”

He laughed.  “Yes Mom.  I tricked her.”

What’s really sad, is the chances are the 23 other kids in the class don’t have a parent who’s an author.  They will all leave this class thinking they are great writers.

And people wonder why there are so many bad manuscripts out there in the pipeline?

“I don’t know why these agents are rejecting me.  Mrs.  So-And-So from third grade said I was a genius.”

Sad, really.

Have you ever been in a situation like this?

I think we need to slow things down… just a little

I just got through a ten-week experiment.  I decided to try out blogging every day.

I did this for two reasons.  #1 to see if I could do it, and #2 to increase readership.

What I found was an initial spike in average views per day, then a lull that made me wonder if daily blogging had become annoying to people.  But then Boom! A spike again, along with added followers.

I’m not really sure what the magic formula is.

In general, I’m not crazy about people who blog every day.  Why?  Because most people run out of interesting things to say.

I did learn that I DIDN’T seem to run out of things to say.  I guess that’s a good thing.  My problem is time.

I suppose if I just dropped words on the page without the graphics I would be able to keep up.  But how boring is that?  I like the graphics and interactive-look of the blog.  But BOY!  Does that take time!  I’ve also found that I am getting lazier and lazier on the graphics.  Sometimes, I am just too dern tired and want to just get it done.

So, I’m stopping my little experiment.  Before this, I used to blog on Mondays and Fridays, but it seems looking at the numbers that most of you read on Monday, Saturday, and Sunday.

Monday is usually my big topic night…. First Gold Mine Manuscript, then Writing to a Deadline, and now Road to Publication… and I have a few great topics all lined up.

I might keep Monday for “Series Topics” if everyone’s into it.

So, tell me… what days are good for you?  Which days would you like to see post from me?

What’s a good night for “tuning in” to a weekly blog series?

If I can wrangle in the Monomaniacal Middle Grade Reviewer regularly, (Which looks pretty plausible right now) how often and on which days would you like to see a review from a kid’s perspective?

At any rate, if you stop by one day and see yesterday’s post, don’t fret.  I’ll be back the next day.  Once in a while though, I need some R & R.

How many times during a week do you think is “just right” for a blogger to post?

Have I mentioned my Beta Readers ROCK?

Thank you

I know this may sound hokey, but considering what I put my beta readers through, I think I need to give them all a big public hug and a Thank You from the bottom of my heart for:

#1:  Not being mad when I put my own beta-reading on hold

#2:  Being so supportive and honest, even though they knew I was stressing

#3:  Not hating me for asking for so much help in such a tight timeframe

I would like to introduce My Beta Reading Army for Last Winter Red:

Ms. Fran Metzman:  Thank you for pointing out that I needed more setting.  At the very last minute, I balked and added extra scenic imagery.  I have to admit that the story is richer with it.

Krista Quintana:  Thank you for being the only one who pointed out that my beginning wasn’t great.  I thought I knew what you meant when someone else said to start it a little later, but the publisher called me on it, and now it starts even sooner.  Also, you were totally right about Sara.  I didn’t change her much, and she was one of the fixes that the publisher requested at the last minute.  She’s now 15.

Ravena Guron:  Thanks for being so anal… and I mean that in a good way.  You made me look at every sentence more critically, and my story was stronger for it.  Your closing comments on the final version that you read really hit home, and made me think that maybe I had something here.

Nancy Krause:  Thank you so much for doing that read over the holiday weekend.  Thank you for giving me your phone number (even though we barely knew each other) so we could discuss everything live.  Having a voice attached to the comments helped breathe some life into me – and oxygen at that point.

Dawn Burne:  For reading and showing me things that I hadn’t thought of.  I would have looked so stupid if that talking/attacking furniture made it to the publisher.  Thanks so much.

Julie Reece:  For jumping out of the Scribophile world and offering to read for me even though you were preparing for the release of your own debut novel.  I sent you my final draft at 2:30 in the morning, and it was waiting in my email when I woke up the next day.  I also appreciated your help with that one transition element that we emailed back and forth on.  If I can ever repay the favor, please let me know.

Gloria Richard:  Thank you so much for your support and “whoots”.  I was excited that you liked the romantic elements, since I hadn’t done that before.  All those stinking typos that you caught too… that would have been embarrassing.

Jenny Keller Ford:  What can I say?  You totally Rock.  From long nights dwelling over rejections, editing nightmares, and draft after draft… here we are.  Feels good, doesn’t it?

Sandro Fletcher:  Thank you for jumping back in when we haven’t spoken in so long.  The one “missing plotline reolution” that you mentioned is fixed.  It is now in the last two pages, and sewn up tight.  Thank you so much for your support, not only now, but for encouraging me when I first started out.

This is a diversified group of people, and if you noticed, they each gave something different in their perspective of my work.  It is important to build your own little army.  Know which person will find what, and build relationships.

If any one of these people were to ask me for help, I would stop what I was doing and help them.  If you support me, I will support you.

We are not alone in the writing world, and I have been incredibly lucky to know this amazing group of people.  If you don’t have beta readers/partners… they are out there.  Find them.  They can be a lifeline in your time of need.

An Amazing Feeling. Published.

An Amazing Feeling

If you hadn’t noticed, I’m excited.  I am a born writer.  It is a talent God gave me, but I suppressed for twenty years.  Always in the back of my head, though… I knew giving up writing was a mistake.

When I decided to take up writing again in 2010, my focus was to be published.  In January of 2012, I decided that it was going to be this year.  I was going to do it.

I threw everything I had into that goal… and here I am!

And believe it or not, it only gets better.  A little over a year ago I did a beta read for a woman who has since become one of my best friends.  We’ve been on a roller coaster ride together, both striving toward that elusive publication credit at the end of the rainbow.

I am so excited to say that Jenny Keller Ford’s Amulet of Ormisez – The work that had me questioning my own submission, will also be included in J. Taylor Publishing’s Make Believe Anthology, due out just before Christmas of this year.

It’s fantastic to be published, but it’s even better to be published alongside your friend.  Instead of one of us being excited, but at the same time consoling the other, we were both able to celebrate together.

What an amazing feeling.