Tag Archives: writing

Thor: A review from a Writer’s Perspective

Posted on October 18, 2011 | 7 comments

I just watched the movie “Thor” with my husband and son.  My son was so excited.  We checked the “Mommy” reviews, and I decided it would be okay for my oldest son to watch (The younger ones probably could have watched it too.  It was no worse than cartoon violence in most cases, and no cursing, which I appreciate as a Mom.)

Anyway… I wasn’t expecting much.  I really don’t know the story of Thor all that well, and I was just bracing myself for another really bad re-done super hero movie.  Wow, was I in for a pleasant surprise.

Lately, after struggling with plot holes in my novel, I am reading novels and watching movies with a very critical eye.  I knew this was going to lead into the “Avengers” so I figured that it would be open-ended.  I also knew it was a re-telling.

Would they do a good job?  Would they leave it open-ended?  Would it have a concrete beginning, middle and end that left me satisfied that the story was over?  If they do, will I be screaming for more?

Yes, Yes, Yes, and definitely Yes. (Can I buy my tickets NOW?)

Now, if you are a Thor fan, you might have hated this movie.  Like I
said, I don’t know the original story… but looking at this as a stand-alone
story, I think it was great.  Throw this Old God into our world with no power, and have him interact with “normal people”.  Genius.    I have to admit I spit my drink laughing a few times.  There is one character, the Poly-Sci Major, who had me in stitches—and it was all very real… not forced humor… just natural and honest comments that you could relate too.  Great, simple dialog… That is what made it funny.

So, My lesson learned from Thor?  You can write a novel that’s the start of a series that has a CONCRETE ENDING, but that also has enough “open
holes” to suck you into the next installment in the series.  The story is over, but it is “just open enough” that it can start up again in the drop of a hat (or a rainbow bridge, in this case.)

I’ve figured out what is wrong in my novel, now.  And it took me all
but a few hours to fix.  Yes, there are sub-plots that intertwine and draw the story forward into the next book, but I hadn’t made clear the ONE POINT that was the major driver, that DOES CONCLUDE in the first novel.  It did conclude in my head all along, but now, after a little revamping, it does for the reader to.  I just had to elaborate on one point that I did not make clear .

Thanks, Thor, for swinging your hammer and hitting me in the head.
Sometimes you learn things from the most unlikely places.

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Lesson Ten from a Manuscript Red Line: Girls Rule and Boys Drool

Posted on October 13, 2011 | 14 comments

For an intro into where these tips are coming from, please see my post: A Full Manuscript Rejection, or a Gold Mine?

Let me start out by stating… if your novel has a female protagonist… I HATE YOU.

Well, not really, but I’m jealous.  You don’t have to worry about a side-kick, because your Girl-Power is already there.  UGH!  This is annoying.

My BP and I actually had this conversation months ago.  We talked about how annoying it is that publishers all seem to want strong female characters only.  Well, at the same time, they are complaining that boys don’t read.  Go figure.

Both my BP and I have male MCs (main characters).  My BP at least already had a female side kick, but they actually asked her to beef her up and make her one of the main voice characters.  She’s working now on making her a more dynamic character.  I guess this is a good thing.  I like her.  She’s a tough cookie, but do we always have to have a girl?

Now, I am a girl, and I happen to like to read books about boys.  Boys tend to be stronger, and I don’t have to worry about annoying sappy emotional crap most of the time.  I’m wondering if more boys actually would read if there was a wider variety of decent novels out there that didn’t force-feed them GIRLS just so the novels would be marketable to a female audience as well.  Maybe publishers are shooting themselves in the foot by not letting girl-free novels into the shelves?  I guess we will never know.

Yeah, I have to admit that Meagan has gotten more and more page-time in my novel, but I’m trying hard not to let her take over.  I’m trying to have her be there, with her own ominous annoying girly agenda, without spoiling the overall plot line.  Meagan is a princess and is trying to find a loophole that will let her marry Magellan, a commoner.  This actually works in nicely, because it makes the villain (her brother) more and more angry and homicidal every time he sees them together.

Hopefully I don’t have to make her too much more integral than she already is.  I want to be published, but I want the story to be intact when I’m done as well.  The story is definitely about a confused boy with no memory that has to save the galaxy… It’s not a love story.

Anyway… the point of this all is that publishers are still looking for a strong female presence in works that they are supporting.  They simply don’t believe there is enough of a male market of readers out there to support a strictly male protagonist.  They said they realized that a writer should not focus on writing to the market only, but it is something that publishers must consider.

Ugh.

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Lesson Eight from the Manuscript Red-Line: Magically Appearing Items in the Setting

Posted on October 7, 2011 | 2 comments

For an intro into where these tips are coming from, please see my post: A Full Manuscript Rejection, or a Gold Mine?

This is really more like an amendment to Lesson Seven, but I figured I’d call it out separately, just to make it more clear.  In Lesson Seven, we discussed how important it is to make sure a character has a reason for doing what they do.

Also watch for “convenient” items popping up out of nowhere.  In a recent writers group meeting we discussed this very topic… making sure that a gun doesn’t suddenly appear in the glove compartment of an eighty year old grandmother from Ohio…  Silly things like that.

It is easy for a writer to place an item somewhere convenient…  but remember to give that item a reason for being there.

Example from my own manuscript:

Meagan has a candle in her room in the end of the novel.  It’s very important.  It’s never mentioned before, but I talk about it like it’s always been there.  I  caught mistake after digesting Lesson Seven.   I just can’t let the candle suddenly appear like that, and act like it’s always been there.

Convenient fix by me:  I needed a new chapter near the beginning of the novel, because I needed a place to SHOW that Meagan realizes that Magellan is supernatural.  (This is to avoid a “telly” section later).  I placed the scene in Meagan’s room, and actually used the candle as the driving force for that scene.  It worked wonderfully, and I killed two problems with one chapter in a neat little
package.  (And only about 550 words)

Like magically appearing characters, suddenly appearing items can be distracting, and make you lose credibility.  Give important items a reason for being where they are, and keep your settings fluid throughout your novel.

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Aside

Here is an interesting article on finding time to write by Sandra Madeira  My writing notebook I love the idea of seeing how many hours are in the day, and what time you have to write and when.  For some … Continue reading →

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Posted on October 2, 2011

Lesson Six from the Gold Mine Manuscript Red Line: Watch that Voice!

Posted on September 26, 2011 | 6 comments

For an intro into where these tips are coming from, please see my post: A Full Manuscript Rejection, or a Gold Mine?

When you are writing, especially if you are writing YA or middle grade, watch the voice. In the Gold Mine Manuscript, I know I mentioned the voice when I was beta reading, but my BP said her teenager read it and said it was okay, so I figured maybe I was just behind the times.

In this novel, the Main Character is supposed to be 15, but my brain just made him 17 (no matter what the novel was telling me).  Do you know why?  I believe it was the voice.  I mentioned it, but my BP seemed comfortable with it, so we moved on.

I was also having the same struggle in my own novel, and was on an up and down roller coaster with my own young character’s voice, so I know how hard a young boy’s voice can be, so I knew I was no expert.

You know what the publisher marked up over and over again in the gold mine manuscript?  THE VOICE.

They mentioned that teenagers answer in quips and half-completed sentences.  I have to admit, my middle graders do the same thing. No perfect grammar for them.  Simplicity is the key.  “Yeah” instead of “yes” is more realistic than a full sentence.

I’m wondering about my own novel on this one.  My kid is from another planet, and grows up under the tutelage of a King.  I don’t want him saying “yeah”, but I don’t want a publisher calling me on it, either.  Maybe a few of the other characters can slip on their grammar a little.  Hmmmm…

My suggestion:  If you are writing for teens, get several teens to read it and ask them to be honest.  Same goes for Middle Grade.  This publisher actually had a teenager read the manuscript to make sure of the voice, and the teen said it didn’t sound real and they didn’t get the words she was using.  Yikes.

Moral of the blog:

If anyone reads your manuscript and tells you that there are possible problems with the voice, I’d take them seriously… ask a few more people to read it.  Drop it on a web site (I like Nathan Bransford’s site).  Get as many opinions as you can.
In the end, you still might not end up okay.  (To be honest, my five-year old drops bonus S.A.T. words all the time, so if I wrote his voice for-real, this publisher would red-line it—so who knows?)

There are a lot of things I’ve not changed about my manuscript that people have mentioned, but voice is one that I have always paid attention to.  If one person mentions something, I may tweak just a little, but if a few people mention it, I tweak a lot.  There is still a possibility that my MC may age a few years in the opening scene, just because of voice issues.

Don’t fall in love with your characters so much that you cannot recognize that their voice is all-wrong.

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Lesson Five from the Gold Mine Manuscript Red Line: Let’s keep it in the past

Posted on September 20, 2011 | 8 comments

For an intro into where these tips are coming from, please see my post: A Full Manuscript Rejection, or a Gold Mine?

I suppose this doesn’t work for those of you who are trying to write your novel in the present tense.  If you are, personally I have to ask you to stop.  Yes, okay, it is a style thing, but I just can’t get into it.  I’ve read a few passages in present tense, and I always end up feeling tense (as in irate).  To me, past tense is the way to go.  (Of course, maybe I just haven’t read a good one)  Anyway, for those of us writing in the conventional fashion…

This publisher noted that present tense words are okay in dialog only.  In narration, they should be cut.

Now, in the gold mine manuscript, the present tense word was “almost” used as narration.  It was “sort of” an inner thought.  The POV character looked at a big mess, and was thinking about cleaning it up, and the narration said “he’d have to tackle it today.”  Now, I think the problem is that it was set off as narration, not as a complete inner thought.  If it was in italics, like the POV character was actually saying it in his head, it may have been okay (again, this is my opinion here).   But since this writer’s style is to have most of the character’s inner thoughts as narration instead of italic thought, this publisher found the use of “present tense” words to be a problem.

So, in a nutshell… if the narration says:  He’d have to take care of things today.  This is no good.

However, if the same character says out loud, or as an inner thought: “I’ll have to take care of this today.”  That is fine.

That’s a pretty simple one, but it might be one many overlook if they have their inner thoughts as narration.  This can be overcome simply be making your inner though more concrete, and putting them in italics so it is very clear that this is an inner-thought, and not the narration.

Amendment:  Guess what?   I just found one of these in my own manuscript!  In the MC’s POV, the narration says:  – It isn’t cold, like it is here.— Now, this isn’t past tense, but the “here” sounds weird because it is in the narration.  I need to change this into an italic thought, or change the wording to be slightly more detached.  One or the other.  It is basically the same principle.

Happy editing!

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Lesson One from the Gold Mine Manuscript Mark-Up: Write Without Looking

Posted on September 7, 2011 | 5 comments

For an intro into where these tips are coming from, please see my post: A Full Manuscript Rejection, or a Gold Mine?

How many times do your characters look at something?  Mine do.  All the time.  I never thought it was a problem.  I feel really bad now, because I am the
“Show Vs. Tell Barracuda”, and I absolutely missed this…

If you say your character looks at something, you are telling the reader that they “look”.  Show the reader instead.

Example:  The wind blew cold, and Magellan looked up into the trees.  The branches bent and shook over his head.

Now, I honestly would not think this was telly, because I showed you what he was seeing right afterward.  My writing partner did the same thing in her manuscript.  The publisher highlighted the “looked” and said “rather than telling us what he is doing, show us what he sees instead.”

Suggested rewrite:  The wind blew cold, and Magellan pulled his jacket closer.  The branches bent and shook over his head.

Here, I took out the offensive “looked” kept the characterization by giving Magellan something to do (pulling his jacket closer), which gives me a place to mention his name.  (In case it’s needed)   I left the “what he saw” exactly the way it was originally written.  You can assume he looked up.  The whole scene actually flows better, and all I did was take a moment to pull out the word “look”.

Even better for you word count barracudas out there… count ‘em… there is one less word in the corrected example.  Yea for me!

Here’s another easy one:  He ran down the hall and looked at the dark stone walls.  The sconces were still lit and the light danced across the ceiling.

Easy fix:  He ran down the dark stone hallway.  The sconces were still lit and their light danced across the ceiling.

Now, I’ll be honest… This is not always this easy.  I’ve growled a little over some of these.  But I am going to try my best to take all of the “looks” out of my novel, unless they are in a personal thought… but I will be looking at those pretty closely as well.

Honestly, I emailed my friend yesterday on this, and she said she’s only taken out “most” of the looks.  Once in a while, your characters will have to “look”.  I am finding the same thing.  But I am finding that a lot of them can be removed easily like the ones above.  (We also discussed that we’ve read published novels that have “looks” in them.  yes, we know they exist… I’m just letting you know there is a publisher out there that redlined it and asked for a revision.)

I am finding I am taking out all of the “looking” that is being done by a POV character, and leaving some of the looks that are not from the POV character.
For instance, if another character in the room (not the POV character)
looks over at the door, you are not going to tell what they see, because you are not in their POV.  Therefore, it might to be okay to leave that look in there.
However, I do not let the POV character look up and see that the other character is looking at the door.  Does that make sense?

This, by the way, is just my opinion.  If I submit, and get slapped for these “looks” I will let you know ASAP.

If you can, get rid of any and all looking, because this publisher emphatically flagged it.  Only look as a last resort.

Hope you found this helpful!

Related Articles:http://kristinastanley.net/2011/09/01/listening-to-your-novel/

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I’m back!

Posted on September 2, 2011 | 4 comments

Well, I’m back, but I wasted all night trying to figure out Facebook.

Dang it!  I’m a writer not a Marketing Expert!  I at least have a Facebook page now, but there’s not much there, yet.  I’ll build up on it later.

I’m also working on the copy and artwork for my WEB Site.  We’re moving forward!

I’m still chewing some info that I want to blog about.  I have a few posts almost ready and will have them up in a few days.

It’s good to be home!

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Free Professional Writing and Query Help from Real Agents!

Posted on August 16, 2011 | 1 comment

WriteOnCon 2011 starts today and goes through Thursday.  If you haven’t heard about it, it’s a really great place to get gads of information all in one place.  It’s great stuff presented by industry professionals that writers normally would have to know someone or have to jump through hoops to try to get.

Here is a link to this year’s offerings.  http://writeoncon.com/2011/08/gearing-up-for-writeoncon-2011-%E2%80%93-the-full-schedule/

There are question and answer sessions with agents, chances to submit your pitches, queries, and parts of your manuscripts for agents to look at and give feedback on.  (And if you are one of the lucky ones, they might ask you to submit something to them off-line)

There are also general topics of discussion.  I can’t wait to see the one on writing the perfect opening line.  I am so darn tired of writing my first page I can’t stand it!

What’s great about this, is if you are like me, and you can’t get off from work to participate in the live offerings during the day, the posts will still be there when you get home.  So, even if you are not participating, you can still learn from the agents that are on-line.  It’s a really great opportunity.

So, what are you still doing here reading this blog?  Get on over there and learn a few things from some agents and GOOD LUCK with your querying!

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Rooting out the Show Verses Tell

Posted on August 14, 2011 | 2 comments

Have you ever read a manuscript that was JAM PACKED LOADED with tell sequences?

Was it your own?  Would you admit to it if it was?

Even bigger question:  Do you even know what I am talking about?  (I admit, I didn’t when I started out)

There are actually people out there querying novels that are 80% tell and are wondering why they are getting rejections.

Do you know the mistake they made (other than writing a “telly” story)?  They tried to skip the Beta Read process.

If you are querying now, and the only people who’ve read your story are people who know you, you should really consider trying to find a beta partner… or two… or five.

I admit, I was totally convinced my novel was perfect and ready for publication.  When I went through the beta read process I found out it was full of tell sequences and I didn’t even know it.  You know what?  They were really easy to fix (for the most part).

All I needed, was someone to point out to me that they were there.

Don’t walk… run to find yourself a good beta reader, and get ready to have a thick skin too.

You might be surprised about what they find.

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